Stay With Me(35)

Everything else faded away but the screen and the black blurs working in and out of focus. She wasn’t conscious of holding her breath until she grew lightheaded. She blew it out in a long stream then sucked in deeply.

“There we are,” the doctor said as he pointed at the monitor.

Catherine stared in wonder at the screen. She could make out a head and a body. She could see arms and legs. The baby was moving.

She listened in a daze as the doctor pointed out features. He showed her the heart rate, eyes, nose, the mouth.

It was a miracle.

“Do you want to know what you’re having?” the doctor asked.

She opened her mouth, and it hung there. Did she want to know? God, it didn’t matter. Her baby was okay.

“Cat, do you want to know if it’s a boy or girl?” Rhys whispered close to her ear.

“Y-yes, please.” Excitement buzzed through her veins. It was real. She hadn’t lost her baby.

The doctor hummed as he probed around. He murmured once or twice, presumably to the baby, and then he smiled.

“Congratulations, Mama. You’re having a beautiful baby girl.”

It was too much. Completely and utterly overwhelmed, Catherine burst into tears. Big, gulping sobs wracked her body. The doctor looked at her in concern, but she couldn’t stop. It was as if a floodgate had burst wide open.

She heard the men talk around her, but didn’t process what was being said. And then she was alone with Rhys and Logan. Logan pulled her up and crushed her in his arms. Behind her, Rhys sat on the edge of the exam table and rubbed her back soothingly as he murmured in her ear.

Relief, achingly sweet, flowed through her veins. Warm, powerful, the healer of all things. Hope.

All the things she’d turned off in the past few weeks came storming back. Sharp, painful yet welcome. She wanted to feel again.

But still the tears came. Cleansing, like rain.

Logan and Rhys said nothing through it all. They just held her as her body shook with her sobs.

When they slowed enough that she could speak, she formed the one prevailing thought that echoed through her mind.

“Home,” she said, her throat raw. “I want to go home.”

Logan picked her up and held her protectively in his arms. “We’ll take you, baby. Just lie there. We’ll get you home.”

The trip home was a blur. She kept her face buried in Logan’s chest, drawing comfort and strength from his firm embrace.

When they walked into the apartment, he settled her on the couch. Rhys positioned pillows around her back and tugged a blanket over her lap. They were treating her as though she was fragile, but for the first time in a long while, she finally felt strong.

Rhys sat on the edge of the couch, concern burning brightly in his eyes. Logan sat at her feet, his hand stroking her leg.

“Are you all right?” Rhys asked anxiously.

“I was so afraid,” she said, and tears flooded her eyes again. She wiped them away in irritation. Her eyes were already swollen, hot and scratchy. Her nose felt like it was twice its normal size, and her head ached.

“I mean, I know the doctor said the baby was okay, but I didn’t believe him. I was so worried that we’d get there today and do the sonogram, and they’d find out that the baby was…”

She couldn’t even complete the horrible thought.

“Oh honey,” Rhys said as he pulled her into his arms. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’ve been so stupid about everything,” she said against his chest.

He pulled away from her in shock. Logan shook his head, a deep frown engraved on his face.

“Baby, if anyone’s been stupid, it’s me and Rhys. God, when I think of what could have happened to you because we weren’t where we were supposed to be—”

He broke off, shaking his head, but she could see the residual fear in his eyes.

She wiped at her face again with her palms. “I won’t lie to you. I was—am—angry. I was hurt. But I could have told you. Yes, I planned to tell you the night of our anniversary. I had it all planned out, how I’d tell you, and I imagined your reactions. I’d hoped that you’d want to spend more time with me, that somehow we could go back and recapture the way it used to be.

“But then in Jamaica, I didn’t want to tell you until we got back because I knew it would change the entire tone of the vacation. I was selfish because I wanted it to be just us. I wanted you to want to be with me because you loved me, not because I was pregnant.”

Logan leaned forward, his entire body tense, like a coiled spring. There was urgency in his expression, a keen edge of desperation she wasn’t used to. “Baby, we do love you, and we do want to be with you, child or no child. Do I want our baby? More than you could possibly know. This was our dream. To one day have a family. To be a family. You, me, Rhys. And our child.”

“I should have told you,” she said softly. “Don’t you see? If I had told you, I don’t think you would have left even for the deal with Kingston. You would have taken me back to New York, fussed over me and made me see a doctor. I would have never gone so long until my appendix ruptured, and I wouldn’t have almost lost our child. Instead I played stupid games, wanting something from you that seems so unimportant in the face of our child’s life.”

Rhys touched her hair, and she could see love brimming in his eyes. Soft and melting. She also realized it had always been there. She just hadn’t looked. She hadn’t dug far enough, hadn’t challenged him or Logan enough.