Spider Game (GhostWalkers, #12)(59)
“Nonny would teach you cooking in a heartbeat, Cayenne. Pepper is learning, from what Wyatt tells me, so you could get in on those lessons and have some girl time.”
There was a long silence. He looked up from beating the egg mixture. He already had the potatoes in the pan. She had gone very still. So still, he knew if it was dark and she was pressed against a wall, she’d be next to impossible to see. Like most of the GhostWalkers, she could change her skin color to mirror what was around her. She hadn’t done that, but her eyes had gone from a clear vibrant green to multifaceted. He was beginning to recognize her signs of distress.
Immediately he made certain the flame was low enough and turned to her, one hand cupping her face, his thumb sliding under her jaw. “What is it, baby? We talk about things, remember? We have to do that for this to work. It’s new territory for both of us.”
Her gaze slid away from his. She studied her hands, her fingers twisting together. He put his other hand over hers to still her fingers. His thumb caressed the soft, vulnerable sweep of her jaw.
“Baby,” he said softly. There was no response. He kept up the brushing strokes to soothe her. To let her know he had her back. “Cayenne, tell me what’s upsetting to you about going to Nonny’s and learning from her. I love this, the two of us, but honestly, I have limited knowledge of cooking. You don’t have to learn, but if you wanted it, she’s there and she would welcome you.”
She remained silent for another long moment. Finally, finally, she lifted her gaze to his. Her tongue touched her lower lip, leaving a wet gleam that instantly drew his attention.
She sighed. “I can barely force myself to trust you, Trap. This. What we’re doing, it terrifies me. I have no idea how to talk to anyone, what’s polite and what isn’t. I left all the talking to the men in the bar. I just laughed occasionally and murmured a word now and then. They were satisfied with that. It wasn’t like with you, where I feel like I can ask you questions and you don’t care if I screw everything up.”
“Do you think Nonny would form some sort of judgment of you if you made a mistake?”
She shrugged. “It’s her home. I wouldn’t care, but she means something to you. I can tell she does. Wyatt too. The others. Even Pepper. I feel that in some way, because you are choosing me, I represent you. I don’t want to make you look bad or silly or wrong for your choice in front of your friends.”
Trap let out his breath slowly. He was putting a lot of pressure on Cayenne without realizing it. She really didn’t have any experience with other people. She had no idea how to make small talk. She was good at taking cues from others, because she was extremely observant and she learned quickly, but she had to be a wreck inside.
“Baby, I love that you feel that way. I would never be embarrassed or upset over anything you did in front of my friends. Not ever. Nonny is the last person in the world to ever make a judgment on another human being. She’s the perfect woman to help you learn the things you feel are necessary to be with me. I can teach you anything you want in the abstract, or sex, or even in the lab, but I’m not good with niceties. In fact, Draden, a close friend of mine, is always handing me books on manners.”
“Really?”
He had no choice, he had to turn back and flip the potatoes and then pour the egg mixture into the skillet. “Yep. All the time. I could give a flying f*ck about other people, but those people, Nonny, my team, Pepper and girls, they matter to me. But, Cayenne” – he turned back, looking her straight in the eyes, wanting her to see he meant exactly what he said – “you’re my family. You’re my woman. You’re going to be my wife. You’ll need to know the things Nonny can teach you, because out in the world, far from here, there are men with cameras and they will be all over us, the moment we step one foot outside the swamp. Sometimes they don’t wait for that. Pictures of me command a lot of money and if anyone gets wind of you, that picture will be worth even more.”
“I don’t understand.”
Of course she wouldn’t know the first thing about gossip magazines or the frenzy for stories and pictures on one of the world’s most eligible bachelors. The burning question remained, why had he joined the service and why had he put himself in harm’s way by training in the Special Forces? That alone was fodder for articles and speculation for months, years even.
“I’m just saying, honey.” He pushed the eggs around, making certain to pull the pan before they were entirely cooked. He didn’t like undercooked eggs, but he really detested overcooked ones. This method seemed to work. He pushed them around a little more, allowing them to continue to cook without the flame, just from the heat of the pan. “I’m not pushing you, but letting me take you to Nonny is a good idea.”
“I’ll think about it.”
He caught her around her small waist and lifted her to the floor. “Sit at the table. The plates are in the cupboard along the wall there.” They were in plain sight, but he wanted to give her a task to take her mind off meeting his friends. He needed a little more time to figure out how best to get her to a place where she felt comfortable with him and then with others. “Silverware is in the top drawer beneath the cupboard where the plates are. Grab a couple of the smaller glasses for orange juice as well.”