Spider Game (GhostWalkers, #12)(137)

“You’re uncomfortable around people, Trap, even, sometimes, the ones you know and care for. You have affection for them and a fierce loyalty. I feel that loyalty toward them because they make you happy. I like that. I hope to establish friendships with them because of you. Maybe with Nonny, Pepper and Flame for myself. But regardless, I’ll always be uncomfortable around people, just as you are. I spent my life alone. I’ve let you in. I’ll let our children in. Deep. Somewhere deep. But I’m not built for large crowds. Maybe it’s the spider in me. I don’t know. Whatever it is, I spend my time with you, and if we have children, them, and I’ll be content.”


He was silent, aware of his heart pounding hard. She meant that. The money. The fame. The cameras and society trappings meant nothing at all to her. Living there in the swamp, she was most comfortable.


“I’ll give you whatever f*cking thing you want, Cayenne,” he promised, meaning it. “I’ll keep you happy, right here in this crazy place that we’re turning into a home. Just say the word and it’s yours.”


Cayenne studied his face. One hand brushed along his jaw and then her fingers slid over his lips. Her hand dropped to his chest to press him back onto the bed. “I take it you’re finished being a world-class bastard for the day?” she asked, turning in his arms to slide one thigh over his. She straddled him, her legs spread wide over his hips, the pads of her fingers stroking his belly.


He nodded. “You tamed the beast as usual, Cayenne.” He was silent for a long moment, watching her face closely.


She could feel him moving in her mind. Moody. Brooding even. Sated. Loving her. She stretched out on top of him, just as sated. “You know why you were upset, don’t you, Trap? It had nothing to do with me not wearing a bra or Malichai. You know that, right?”


She laid her head over his heart, listening to it beat. So strong. Steady. Her Trap, loving her so much. She slid one hand up to his shoulder, the other curled around the nape of his neck. Even stretched out, she couldn’t cover his broad chest. But she was where it counted, right over his heart.


“I know.” The admission was low.


“I’m not going anywhere.” She kept her voice just as low, searching for the right words. She knew he would always have that fear of losing her. She just hoped it would lessen over time. “There will never be another man for me, Trap. I’m not helpless or vulnerable, except to you. Not another human being. Not even Nonny, and I like her. A lot. When you get like that, it can’t be about you being jealous because, deep down, you know you have no reason to be. I’ll never give you a reason to be. You have to recognize that what you’re feeling is fear – fear of losing me in some way.”


He rubbed his palm along her thigh to the crease just under her buttock. He liked that soft crease and massaged there before moving his palm over her bottom. He liked that her rounded cheeks, silk over sleek, firm muscle, fit into his hand. He felt absolutely at peace. Content.


“They’re out there. The uncles.” He said it matter-of-factly. He never thought, in a million years, that he would feel so calm thinking about facing the men who had destroyed his family. They’d taken something from him he could never get back. He would always have a deep-seated fear that something would rip Cayenne away from him. “They came at night while we were gone, and they’ll be back, maybe tonight. I saw them on the security tapes.”


“I know,” she said with equal calm. “They don’t matter to us, Trap. They can’t hurt you. Not anymore. They may want to, but they can’t.”


“They came for the money.” His hand smoothed over the curve of her left cheek and up into the hollow of her spine. “It’s really about money, not revenge. Not because of my father. They left him there. They didn’t even try to save him. They didn’t care about him. I paid the ransom for my aunt, and they’ve used the money to hide. To disappear. They want more money.”


“Does it really matter?” She yawned, kissed his chest right over his beating heart. “We’re going to kill them. Both of them. You know that.” She stated it just as matter-of-factly as if they were discussing the weather. “Right now, I need to sleep, but before I do, we need to finish our discussion. It hurt today. On the plane. The things you accused me of. Trap, I didn’t like it. I know when you get afraid, you get ugly. I get that. I do. It’s okay with me if you have to withdraw. It’s even okay if you have to be rude and ugly, but not with me. Not at me.”


She nuzzled him with her chin, her green eyes on his face. “That hurt a lot, honey.”


His hand moved up her spine, taking in the silken perfection of her skin. “I don’t know how to stop myself when I’m like that. I try, baby, but I’ve been using that rudeness to push people away for so long, I’m not certain I can stop.”


“I’m not asking you to stop, Trap, I’m asking you to have a care about what you say to me. Swear. Be an ass. Be remote. But don’t make it so personal that you accuse me of wanting to be with someone else.”


“I didn’t like seeing him touch you. I didn’t like the thought of you giving him your silk. You want to tie someone up, babe, that someone is me.”