Smashed (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #8.5)(25)

“I know that,” she snapped. Then her face fell, and her lip trembled. “But did you have to enjoy it so f*cking much? I felt the way you loved it. You got off on it.”

There was no sense denying allegations that were true. I reached for her, and she let me pull her back into my embrace. With her head on my chest, I stroked a hand through her hair. “I’ve been worried sick about you, Alexa. Being apart is hurting you more than it’s helping.”

“Is that why you came? To stop me from acting like a vampire? That’s a bit hypocritical coming from you, Arys.” Despite her accusatory words, her tone held a note of sadness.

The way she felt in my arms was so right. I couldn’t bear the thought of letting go. Not now, after all this. “No, of course not. I came to stop you from doing things now that you will regret for several lifetimes over.”

She peered up at me with blood tears brimming in her eyes. “It’s too late for that.”

I couldn’t help the dark glare that twisted my expression into something ugly. I stared in the direction Jez had pulled Sinclair and vibrated with the exertion it took not to go after him.

“No,” Alexa said, her voice hard and brittle. “None of this is his fault. He kept it from being worse than it was those first few nights.”

I took her face in my hands and searched her for the flicker of myself that so often lurked behind her eyes. “You don’t belong with him, my love. And as much as you think you need him, you know it’s true.”

She pulled my hand from her cheek and pressed her lips against my fingertips. “I don’t know who I am anymore, Arys. You are so entangled in every part of me. It’s like there is no distinction between us anymore. I do belong with you. I know it. But I need to still be me. I’m trying to do that.”

“And that’s why you’re losing your mind, my beautiful wolf.” She thought I didn’t understand, but she still didn’t realize that where she was now, I had already been. “I know what you’re going through. And I know that if we’re not careful, we’re going to end up like Lilah and Salem and who knows how many others.”

“I know. You’re right.” She nodded vigorously, drawing me to twist a lock of blonde hair around my finger. “I just need some time.”

“You don’t have a lot of time to find yourself right now. The FPA is all over you. They’re launching a hunt for you. Tonight.” From her hair to the curve of her waist and then the elegant expanse of her slender neck, I couldn’t stop touching her. “Briggs is issuing a capture order. There will be agents scouring the city for you, Alexa.”

This didn’t appear to be news to her. She nodded, as if it had been expected. “Because of Sylvia. Figures. That bitch had it coming.”

“I don’t care about that. All I want is for you to get some control over yourself and to stay out of the FPA lockup. Briggs is up to something. Something bad. You don’t want to go inside that building as a vampire. Trust me.”

She nodded, and I could almost hear her thinking that it was just like me to always be right about shit like this. There was a strong, ethereal quality to her energy, as if she now hummed at a much higher frequency. It still felt like Alexa but more vast and complex.

I was still just as drawn to her as I’d ever been, quite possibly more so. She had feared that would change. Though she hadn’t said so, I knew. I felt it. I also knew that I would always want her.

“I’ll handle the FPA,” she said. “I always do.”

“No, you always did. But now you’re public enemy number one. Briggs isn’t going to take it easy on you this time.” I pulled her close for a kiss, tender this time. Soft and delicate. “Please, come home with me.”

She pulled away, a hand going to her face to swipe away a few stray tears. “I can’t. Not yet.”

“Alexa, please. The longer you drag this out, the worse it gets for both of us. You know that.”

“Yes, I do know that!” Her sudden shout echoed around us. “But forcing me to do something before I’m ready isn’t going to help.”

Alexa’s outburst brought Kale back with an angry outburst of his own. He jerked away from Jez who sought to hold onto his arm and came at me.

Sinclair shoved me away from her, backing me up against the closest headstone. Venom dripped from every word he snarled into my face. “Back the f*ck off, Arys. Nobody is forcing Alexa to do anything against her will.”

“Oh, is that so?” A vicious, grim smile crossed my face. “Try telling that to the FPA. Remember your time in lockup well, my friend? Because that’s what Briggs has planned for Alexa. He’s coming for her. Think you’ve got what it takes to keep her safe?”

“I don’t need anyone to keep me safe, you damn Neanderthals,” Alexa interjected. She buzzed with a frustration I could feel both inside and out. “I’m not afraid of Briggs.”

“Briggs isn’t what I’m worried about,” I snapped, shoving Sinclair out of my face. “It’s what’s going to happen to you when that place gets inside your head. You can’t even keep your shit together now.” To Kale, I added, “No thanks to you.”

Sinclair was seething. Alexa tried to pull him away from me, but he shook her off. “You have no f*cking idea what it’s been like. Keep your accusations to yourself. I’m the one cleaning up your mess.”