Seduce Me at Sunrise (The Hathaways #2)(26)

Merripen turned and rested his back against the wall. "You didn't need letters from me."

"I needed any small sign of affection! And you gave me none." She stared at him incredulously as he remained silent. "For heaven's sake, Kev, aren't you even going to say that you're glad I'm well again?"

"I'm glad you're well again."

"Then why are you behaving this way?"

"Because nothing else has changed."

"You've changed," she shot back. "I don't know you anymore."

"That's as it should be."

"Kev," she said in bewilderment, "why are you behaving this way? I went away to get well. Surely you can't blame me for that."

"I blame you for nothing. But the devil knows what you could want from me now."

I want you to love me, she wanted to cry out. She had traveled so far, and yet there was more distance between them than ever. "I can tell you what I don't want, Kev, and that is to be estranged from you."

Merripen's expression was stony and unfeeling. "We're not estranged." He picked up her cloak and handed it to her. "Put this on. I'll take you to your room."

Win pulled the garment around herself, stealing discreet glances at Merripen, who was all brooding energy and suppressed power as he tucked his shirt into his trousers. The X of the braces over his back highlighted his magnificent build.

"You needn't walk with me to my room," she said in a subdued voice. "I can find my way back without-"

"You're to go nowhere in this hotel alone. It's not safe."

"You're right," she said sullenly. "I would hate to be accosted by someone."

The shot hit its mark. Merripen's mouth hardened and he gave her a dangerous glance as he shrugged into his coat.

How much he reminded her just now of the rough, wrathful boy he had been when he had first come to the Hathaways.

"Kev," she said softly, "can't we resume our friendship?"

"I'm still your friend." "But nothing more?" "No."

Win couldn't help glancing at the bed, at the rumpled counterpane that covered it, and a new surge of heat went through her.

Merripen went still as he followed the direction of her gaze. "That shouldn't have happened," he said roughly. "I shouldn't have-" He stopped and swallowed audibly. "I haven't… had a woman in a while. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time."

Win had never been so mortified. "You're saying you would have reacted that way with any woman?"

"Yes."

"I don't believe you!"

"Believe what you like." Merripen went to the door and opened it to glance in both directions along the hallway. "Come here."

"I want to stay. I need to talk with you."

"Not alone. Not at this hour." He paused. "I told you to come here."

This last was said with a quiet authority that made her bristle. But she obeyed.

As Win reached him, Merripen pulled the hood of her cloak up to conceal her face. Ascertaining that the hallway was still clear, he guided her outside the room and closed the door.

They were silent as they went to the staircase at the end of the hallway. Win was acutely conscious of his hand resting lightly on her back. Reaching the top step, she was surprised when he stopped her.

"Take my arm."

She realized he intended to help her down the stairs, as he had always done when she was ill. Stairs had been a particular trial for her. The entire family had been terrified that she would faint while going up or down the steps, and perhaps break her neck. Merripen had often carried her rather than let her take the risk.

"No, thank you," she said. "I'm able to do it on my own now."

"Take it," he repeated, reaching for her hand.

Win snatched it back, while her chest tightened with annoyance. "I don't want your help. I'm no longer an invalid. Though it seems you preferred me that way."

Although she couldn't see his face, she heard his sharply indrawn breath. She felt ashamed at the petty accusation, even as she wondered if there wasn't a grain of truth in it.

Merripen didn't reply, however. If she had hurt him, he bore it stoically. They descended the stairs separately, in silence.

Win was utterly confused. She had pictured this night a hundred different ways. Every possible way but this. She led the way to her door and reached in her pocket for the key.

Merripen took the key from her and opened the door. "Go and light the lamp."

Conscious of his large, dark form waiting at the threshold, Win went to the bedside table. Carefully she lifted the glass globe of the lamp, lit the wick, and replaced the glass.

After inserting the key into the other side of the door, Merripen said, "Lock it behind me."

Turning to look at him, Win felt a miserable laugh knotting in her throat. "This is where we left off, isn't it? Me, throwing myself at you. You, turning me away. I thought I understood before. I wasn't well enough for the kind of relationship I wanted with you. But now I don't understand. Because there's nothing to stop us from finding out if… if we are meant to…" Distressed and mortified, she couldn't find words for what she wanted. "Unless I was mistaken in how you once felt for me? Did you ever desire me, Kev?"