Second Chance Pass (Virgin River #5)(115)

“Look, here’s what happened to me. He said he loved me. We lived together for years. I kept saying to him, I need a commitment, I want a family. And he kept saying, I might need a little more time on that. And then he finally told me—he had a vasectomy behind my back a couple of years ago because he was afraid I’d get ahead of him, stop taking my pills and sneak a baby out of him. That’s when I knew—there was no love, no trust. He was a liar and he was just using me. It was a horrible thing to face up to.”

“Jesus,” Joe breathed, almost speechless.

“I thought he loved me and was trying to come to terms with the whole forever thing,” she said. “He’d been through a rocky divorce about ten years back. It made sense to me that he’d be nervous. I didn’t know he was lying.”

“Nikki, I’m sorry. That was bad, what he did. He should’ve been honest.”

“Yeah. And then there was you. In five minutes I knew you were more honest and straightforward than he was, but I doubted the signals. I wanted to fall for you—but I don’t know you.”

He reached a hand toward her shining black hair. So soft. “By morning, there wasn’t an inch of me you didn’t know.”

“You have a big mole on your butt,” she said. “You should probably get that looked at. And a scar on your shoulder. And I think you had your appendix out.”

He smiled at her. So, she had been paying attention. He wasn’t the only one, then. “I was twelve.”

“What happened here,” she said, reaching out to his shoulder.

“I got shot in Fallujah. Mike Valenzuela kept us all alive till Jack could get us out of there. Six of us were bleeding all over the place, there were snipers everywhere, but we got out. Paul gave up a spleen. It was ugly. It ended the Marines for me—I’m out of the reserves now. Paul too.” He smiled. “See? You know things about me.”

“Not enough,” she said softly.

Joe leaned toward her and kissed the path of a tear on her right cheek. He threaded a hand around the back of her neck and kissed her temple. “Here,” she whispered. Her finger was touching her lips. “There’s a tear.”

He leaned his lips toward hers and barely touching them, ran his tongue over her upper lip. “No, there’s not,” he said. “I think you’re done crying now.” He put his hands around her tiny waist and pulled her onto his mouth, kissing her deeply and tenderly. She answered him with desire, hot and strong, opening her lips under his. He thought he might feel tears in his own eyes, she felt so wonderful in his arms, tasted so magnificent on his lips. He wondered if this was just another of his fantasies; he further wondered if it was real, if it would disappear once again before he could grab on to it. Feeling her body against his, her tongue in his mouth, her hands running up and down his back, he hoped beyond hope that she was real and he wouldn’t wake up and find she’d just been another dream.

“I thought you were gone forever,” he said against her lips.

“I wish I hadn’t gone. I wish I’d stayed.…”

He covered her mouth in a deep, desperate kiss that lasted forever, holding her so close he was afraid he’d crush her. He wanted to say things to her, but that would mean releasing her lips, and he couldn’t bring himself to do it. All those weeks, all those long nights of wishing he could have made things different for them. All that regret, thinking that if he hadn’t moved so fast, he could have brought them together differently, with more success. He should have taken his time, courted her, wooed her. He was a fool, not getting her phone number and last name before he got her body. He should have brought her slowly and confidently into his heart, erasing her doubts. And yet he couldn’t imagine how it could have been different—they’d both been so steamed up. So ready.

He was ready again.

“Nikki,” he whispered, “you’re doing it to me again.” He covered her mouth and kissed her, deep and long. He touched her breast. “God,” he whispered.

“Take me somewhere,” she said.

“No,” he whispered. “Not until you understand a few things.”

“Hurry then. Tell me what I have to understand.”

“I’m not interested in one night. I want it all. If that’s too much for you, tell me right now. If it’s going to scare you off, I want to know.”

“All?”

“I want to go to bed with you, and wake up with you.” He kissed her. “Then I want to do that again.” He kissed her. “And again. And again.”

“Okay,” she said breathlessly.

“I’m an idiot, but I’m in love with you.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I’ve never felt this bad before.”

“Isn’t it supposed to feel good?”

“It does, when you’re in my arms. When you’re not, it’s just awful.”

“Okay,” she said. “I understand.”

“You’re going to give it a chance?”

“Yes,” she said, nodding.

“I realize that sometimes things don’t work out the way we want them to. I’ve been down that road and so have you. But I’m not going to string you along. I’ll never lie to you. Do you believe me?”