Savage Awakening (Alpha Pack #2)(54)

What I understand is that you should be dead. It should be you.

His past had finally caught up with a vengeance. Life or death. Was there a choice, really?

It could all be over so quickly. Even a shifter wouldn't survive a hundred-foot drop onto the rough terrain below. Wouldn't that be kinder than dying by slow degrees, longing for a mate he couldn't claim?

Exhausted, he lowered himself onto his belly and crawled to the lip, resting his muzzle on his paws. Rocks and dirt skittered over, into the abyss. The sun had disappeared behind the horizon, leaving the bottom of the ravine shadowed in blues and grays, cloaked from sight. All was still, the earth holding its breath. Waiting.

One leap. Inches separating him from the end of guilt. Of pain.

For months, he'd blamed Jax for his own kidnapping, for saving Kira and changing fate. But the inescapable truth was that Aric had gotten exactly what he deserved. No, he'd deserved much worse. He should've suffered Micah's fate and much more.

It should be you.

Standing on four shaking legs, he told himself he could do this. His wolf resisted with a growl, his survival instinct strong. He tensed, muscles bunching-

And was struck hard in the side, shoved, sent rolling from danger. He bolted to his feet and found a huge white wolf positioned squarely between him and his goal. Nick. The wolf's teeth weren't bared, but his body was like stone, his purpose clear-Aric was not getting past him. Or past the others that suddenly trotted up, surrounding them in a semicircle.

Aric shifted to human form, crouched on his knees, arms wrapped around his middle, and sucked in a deep breath. Maybe that way he could hold in the guts that were being ripped from his torso. "Back the f**k off, Nicky."

His commander shifted, and so did Aric's friends-if that's still what they were.

"Can't do that, and you know it," Nick said in his don't-screw-with-me voice. However stern he sounded, worry still bled into his tone.

"You don't interfere with free will, remember?" Aric snapped.

Concern turned to anger as he took a step closer. "I'm making a goddamned exception. Do you honestly believe you're the only one suffering? That you won't leave a giant hole in this team if you do something so stupid?"

That gave him pause. "I-"

"There's a consequence for every action, Aric. These guys are your brothers, and they'd die for you. Do you care so little for them that you'd place their futures in danger because you took the easy way out?"

A chill settled in his chest, despite the rising fever that made him feel like he was about to self-combust. "I never thought about it like that."

"Which is why I'm telling you. Taking your own life will have far-reaching and devastating effects on every single man here, not to mention on others who aren't present. You can't do this. I won't let you." The finality in his voice was both a relief and a burden.

"I'm responsible for what happened to the team," he said hoarsely. "You heard Jax-I should be dead. He was right. It's what I deserve."

"No." A new voice broke in. "I was wrong."

Great. Just what he needed, Jax getting in his face again. Aric eyed the man warily as he approached, noted the shame etched on his face.

"What prompted the change of heart? Don't want me offing myself on your conscience?"

Jax winced. "After I calmed down, I knew I didn't mean what I said to you. And you were right about Beryl-I've got my own load of guilt for trusting her, and I can't lay that on you. I'm sorry as hell for transferring the blame, and I hope you can forgive me."

He stared at his friend for a long moment. "It's not a question of forgiving you. It's whether I can get square with my part in that whole f**king mess."

"Still..." Jax swallowed hard. "I need to hear it."

"I forgive you, man." God, he had to tell them the rest. "But it's not going to make any difference in the long run."

"Why? What do you mean? You're not still planning to-"

"No. I'll let nature take its course, but I won't hurry the inevitable." Everyone looked puzzled. Except Nick. Steeling himself, he explained. "I've found my mate, but I can't claim her."

A moment of stunned silence followed that announcement, and then they all started talking at once, peppering him with questions. Most prevalent were, "Who is she?" and "Why the hell not?"

He held up a hand. "You all might as well know. It's Rowan."

"Holy crap!" Ryon exclaimed.

He headed off more nosy inquiries. "I can't claim her because she's leaving for L.A. again as soon as Micah's better. She loves her job as a cop and I won't take her away from her life. She doesn't want a mate and even if she did, she deserves a better one than me and the dangers that come with living in my world."

"That's such bullshit," Jax said angrily. "It's worked out for Kira and me just fine. Have you even told Rowan what's going on?"

"No, and all of you are going to promise you won't breathe a word. I mean it. This isn't your problem."

"Yes, it is," Zan insisted. "Bro, you'll die if you don't claim your mate, and we can't afford to lose you-on the team or as our friend."