Rock Chick Revenge (Rock Chick #5)(132)

But I still was a Rock Chick.

“I need to talk to the girls,” I told Shirleen.

“Oh shit,” Smithie muttered. “Here we go.”

“Oowee, that’s what I’m talkin’ about,” Shirleen cried in glee.

Uh-oh, Good Ava murmured.

Yippee! Bad Ava hooted.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Vibrator Ceremony

Shirleen walked Smithie and I into what she called the “Down Room”.

It was a big room. It had a couch, a TV, a treadmill, a weight bench and a bunch of weights. It also was filled with Rock Chicks, Tod, Stevie, Tex and Duke.

When we walked in, everyone turned to stare.

“Hey,” I said.

Sissy came forward and gave me a big hug. I hugged her back. She pulled away and looked up at me. I braced in preparation for her to say something that would make me cry.

“I’m thinking you aren’t f**k buddies with Luke anymore,” she said on a grin. Clearly my shouted diatribe in the kitchenette announcing my elevated relationship status with Luke superseded all my other dramas, including being duct taped to a steel support and then fondled by my con man ex-boyfriend.

I looked to the ceiling.

“I’m thinkin’ her vibrators are gonna get lonely,” Daisy noted.

I closed my eyes.

“I’m thinking we should have a vibrator ceremony. Maybe we can all stand around in the dead of night, carrying candles and chanting while she buries them in her backyard,” Ally added.

I made a low, frustrated sound in the back of my throat.

“I’m thinkin’ you bitches best stop talkin’ about vibrators. We got a pack of wild men in the next room plannin’ a human hunt and you women are talkin’ about sex toys,” Smithie threw in, sounding exasperated.

I looked at Smithie and said with feeling, “Thank you.”

“Who brought him?” Tod whispered loudly to Indy.

“I did. I figured we needed all the help we could get,” Jet replied.

“He’s kind of a kill joy,” Tod went on. “I like the idea of a Vibrator Ceremony. After we’re done burying them, we could make canapés and drink champagne. It’s a lot more fun to talk about that than hunting down humans.”

Tod was not wrong.

“Oh for f**k’s sake!” Duke exploded.

“All right!” I shouted before I lost any more control. “Listen up.”

All eyes turned back to me.

I took a deep breath.

Then I realized I didn’t have anything to say.

So, as any good Rock Chick would, I winged it. “Let’s break this down. First, some guy hit Bobby in the head with a baseball bat. Seems everyone has forgotten that but I haven’t. I don’t even know Bobby and I know something’s gotta give with the guy who hit Bobby. You with me?”

There were a couple of nods but mostly the Rock Chicks looked confused.

“Um, he’s kinda in jail,” Roxie reminded me. “Remember, Hector and Darius got him? Hank told me Bobby ID’d the guy from mug shots and after that he confessed.”

Oh. Yeah. I forgot the first part, the second part was good news.

I decided to forge ahead. “Okay, that’s sorted,” I announced. “Then, second, last night was not good. For some reason it seems it was worse for Luke than it was for me.”

“That’s because you’re a steel magnolia, Sugar,” Daisy chimed in.

She got more nods than I did.

“What the hell does that mean?” Tex asked.

“You seen the movie Steel Magnolias?” Daisy asked Tex.

“Fuck no,” Tex stated the obvious.

“Watch it, then you’ll understand,” Daisy went on.

“Will someone please tell me why we’re talkin’ about a f**kin’ Julia Roberts movie?” Duke put in.

“It wasn’t a Julia Roberts movie, it was a Dolly Parton movie,” Daisy snapped back.

“It was really a Sally Field movie,” Jet said quietly.

“Oh pu-lease. Everyone knows Shirley MacLaine stole the whole damn show,” Tod threw out.

“Someone kill me,” Smithie begged.

“People!” I yelled.

Everyone quieted and turned back to me.

When I had their attention I continued. “All right, so, second point, part A. Luke’s off-the-scales pissed and Lee’s none too happy either which means Noah, my ex, is f**ked. I don’t mind that, I just don’t want anyone I care about doing something stupid and f**king up their life in order to make Noah pay. Which takes me to part B, I’m pissed too. I mean, the guy beat me up, taped me to a post and put his hand down my pants but it’s worse! At the same time he was stealing my auntie’s jewelry and all my money, he was conning a seventy-year-old disabled lady out of her retirement fund and he stole her car!”

There were gasps all around.

Finally. Now I was getting somewhere.

“Oh my God,” Sissy breathed.

“No shit?” Ally asked.

“No shit,” I told her. “That means we have to find him first and make him pay by turning him over to the proper authorities.”

“I know some proper authorities,” Roxie said.

“Me too,” Jet put in.