Rock Chick Regret (Rock Chick #7)(99)

And furthermore, what he said meant he cared.

I didn’t know how that made me feel except the weird, happy glow was trying to push through.

Then, I felt his mouth touch my neck and he kissed me there and it took an immense effort of will to hold the glow back because him kissing my neck could only mean one thing and I couldn’t allow myself to believe in it. Believing in it would set me up as the fool or worse, let him get close and that couldn’t happen.

“That isn’t family, Sadie,” he told me softly, obviously unaware of my inner turmoil. “I don’t know what it is but it sure as f**k isn’t family.”

With no choice (other than to suffocate), I let out my breath on the word, “Okay.”

His arm gave me a squeeze. “I don’t know what you got inside you that helps you deal. I don’t know, growin’ up with that, how you managed. But I’m thinkin’ your mother gave you some of it and the other part comes from you or at least the you I had yesterday morning.”

At his reminder of yesterday morning, my body went tight and so did his arm.

“Don’t f**kin’ shut down on me,” he warned and he sounded like he meant it.

Oh my.

I forced my body to relax, it was difficult but I did it so I could get this over with and fast.

When my body relaxed, so did his arm.

“Now, we got a situation. I don’t have many choices in this situation and none of them are good. But I made a decision and you gotta know what it is.”

Oh my, oh my, oh my.

Hector’s made a decision.

This, I figured, did not bode well for me.

I wasn’t wrong.

“I want you,” he said into the back of my neck, his hand moving up to curl around my breast in a way that was so possessive, I found myself holding my breath again while he went on. “I’ve wanted you a long time, longer than you know. Before you came into your father’s office that night, well before. I lost control that night, f**ked up, let things lie the way they were. I should have talked to you. I didn’t. I didn’t think it was safe. After your father went down, I should have come to you. I didn’t. It was the wrong choice. Now, something shitty has happened to you and I felt I needed to proceed with caution. I couldn’t come on strong, not after what Ricky did to you. I couldn’t push it, I didn’t want you thinkin’ you were movin’ from under your father’s thumb to under mine. I could have stepped back but that would mean I wouldn’t be where I wanted to be, which is right here.” His fingers at my breast squeezed and I felt my stomach perform a happy pitch. I tried to ignore that too (and failed).

He kept talking. “I felt I was makin’ progress until yesterday morning. Now, you got some f**ked up idea in your head about what happened and you gotta get this Sadie, so listen. It’s important. Because I want that girl. That’s who I’m doin’ all this for ‘cause that girl is the real you, the one who loses control and takes what she wants and gives back without racking up the debt. And she doesn’t give a f**k about what her actions say and what people will think.”

I was breathing heavily now, wanting to block out his words but with him there, all around me, I couldn’t.

He kept at me.

“So, I’ve made a decision. I’m not f**kin’ around with this anymore.”

He wasn’t f**king around with this anymore?

What did that mean?

Had he been f**king around before?

He kept going, “I want the real you. To get that, I’m givin’ you the real me. I’m not gonna hold anything back.”

Oh my God!

He’d been holding back?

How could he be holding back?

He kept talking, “And I’m bettin’ that the real you’ll be able to deal, we’ll ride this out and get to the other side.”

Oh no.

No we wouldn’t.

No… we… would… not.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t finished.

“You try to shut down, you try to hold back, you try to push me away, to take off, fair warning, mamita, I won’t like it and I won’t allow it. You feel that’s me puttin’ you under my thumb, I can live with that. You’ll learn the difference between how your father treated you and how I’m gonna treat you. Do you understand what I’m sayin’ to you?”

What did I say to that?

“Sadie, answer me. I gotta know you understand.”

“Yes,” I replied.

I understood and it scared me more than anything had scared me before.

“You got anything to say?” he asked.

I thought about it then I made an effort at protection.

In other words, I lied (badly).

“I’m not sure there’s something here. I don’t think I feel about you the way –”

He interrupted me, “You feel what you’re wearin’?”

I didn’t understand the question then I thought back to the night before and all I could remember was falling asleep on the couch.

My hand went to my waist and I felt soft flannel bunched there.

Damn and blast him to perdition!

I’d stolen Hector’s flannel shirt the day before, shoved it in my overnight bag, all ready to take it with me to Crete as a reminder never to get myself in another fool situation ever again.