Rock Chick Regret (Rock Chick #7)(92)

I found I was still squeezing Tom’s hand, this time not to encourage him to go on but because I had to.

Tom reached out and took my other hand, holding both of our hands between us.

“She started to get some good stuff, found someone in Diggs’s network that didn’t like your father, didn’t like Diggs. They started to work together not just to take down your father but also to take down Diggs. She never told me who it was, I asked but she wouldn’t give. Then, one day, she was supposed to meet me, she said she had something for me, something she thought was big, important, but she never showed.” He hesitated, I clenched my teeth, waiting for it, knowing it was coming then he went on, “I never saw her again.”

There it was.

“Please, no,” I whispered before I could stop myself.

Tom gave me a hand squeeze.

“I looked for her, Malcolm and I did it together. We had to do it on our own time, your father never filed a missing person report, he told everyone she left you. I knew she didn’t, I knew she’d never leave you. Never Sadie. Never.” He shook my hands so I knew he meant what he said and I nodded, biting my lips, knowing he thought this might make me feel better at the same time knowing it didn’t make me feel better, not even a little bit. He went on, “Malcolm knew that too, so we looked for her.”

“What did you find?” I asked but I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.

“Leads, lots of leads, all of them dead ends. We searched for over a year, but, Sadie, we found nothing, the leads dried up and with nothing to go on, I’m sorry, honey, so, so sorry, but we had no choice but to stop.”

I nodded.

I didn’t blame him, he tried. He tried to protect my Mom and he tried to find her when she disappeared. He was a good person, I knew that. I had no doubt he did the best he could.

But what he was saying meant that someone made my Mom “disappear”, just like Uncle Vito wanted to make Ricky disappear. And that meant my Mom had been scared and alone. That meant my Mom was never coming back. That meant that someone had taken her away from me.

And that someone might be my f**king, f**king father.

On that thought, something in my brain exploded, pain sliced through my temples, I tore my hands out of Tom’s and shot out of my chair.

“Sadie –” Tom stood with me but I whirled.

“I’ve got to go,” I muttered, no friendly smiles now, no alternate Sadies to help me deal. It was just me and I needed to get out of there, go somewhere, I didn’t know where, I didn’t care where, it could be anywhere but I had to go there and scream at… the… top… of… my… lungs.

If I didn’t let out the hard, hot knot of pain that was in my chest, I knew it was going to burst and it was so ugly, so huge, if it burst, it would kill me.

In my blind escape, I ran smack into Hector’s solid body and his arms closed around me.

I looked up at him.

“I’ve got to go,” I told him, sounding desperate and not caring.

I was desperate.

At that point, I forgot about all my father’s lessons never to let any weakness show. I didn’t care that everyone in that room knew I was desperate.

I didn’t care about anything but getting out of there.

“Hang on, preciosa,” Hector murmured.

“I’ve got to go!” I screamed in his face and watched him wince and his head jerked like the raw emotion in my voice was a physical thing, a hard, sharp, painful slap.

I struggled.

His arms went tight.

I pushed against his chest, putting my body weight into my hands while staring at them, willing my efforts to work, fighting the pain in my chest, feeling my heart beating in my throat, all the while begging, “Please. Please. Please.”

“Sadie, listen to me.” Hector’s arms separated, one stayed tight at my waist, pulling my lower body to his heat, one went up my back and into my hair, giving it a gentle tug so my head tilted back to look at him. When I caught sight of his face, I noted he was no longer annoyed and moody, his face was soft, his eyes were warm and intense but this didn’t help either. “Vance is a tracker, he’s good. Tom and Malcolm kept notes on everything they did. Vance is going to pick up the –”

I shook my head and started laughing.

He stopped talking because the sound of my laughter was far from amused, instead it was harsh and bitter and so ugly it scratched my own ears.

“I’m not stupid, Hector. It was eighteen years ago, there’s nothing to pick up and if there is, I don’t want to know what he’s going to find.”

“Mamita, you don’t know. Give it a chance,” Hector encouraged softly but I shook my head and then twisted my neck to look at Tom.

“You knew her; you said she’d never leave me, right?” I asked Tom.

Tom was watching me, looking pale and concerned but he nodded.

“So, if she felt she had to leave anyway, she’d have come back. Or she’d have found a way to talk to me. She could have used you or Kitty Sue or anyone,” I went on.

“Honey –” Tom started but I interrupted him and, with a forceful tug, I yanked out of Hector’s arms and twirled to face Tom.

“And now he’s gone, he’s been in prison for ages, and she hasn’t come back. If she could come back, she would. Wouldn’t she?” I demanded then repeated on a shout, “Wouldn’t she?”