Rock Chick Regret (Rock Chick #7)(126)

My nails went to my scalp and I ripped them through my hair, felt them, painful and harsh, as I dragged them along my scalp, down the back of my head, pulling the ribbon free.

I couldn’t be there.

I couldn’t go to Art.

I couldn’t go to Ralphie and Buddy.

I couldn’t go to a Rock Chick.

I couldn’t go to Hector.

I couldn’t go anywhere.

There was no where I belonged.

Nowhere safe.

I went to my bedroom, quickly walking through, the memories of the night when Ricky broke in stabbing at my brain. I walked straight to the sliding doors that led to the balcony. I closed the door behind me and stepped out into the cold. Then I plastered my back against the stone wall and drifted down, my shirt and skirt snagging against the stone, down I went until my bottom hit the concrete. My knees were up and I put my cheek against them and I tried to find one of my Sadies to help me.

But they were gone.

Not on vacation, not having cocktails, not getting facials, my Ice Princess, Attitude Sadie, Take Charge Sadie and Pretend Sadie had all vanished. They didn’t exist anymore. They weren’t there to be called.

It was just me.

Only me.

I was all there was left.

I wrapped my arms around my legs, the cold night air crept into my bones, I kept my cheek to my knees and I sat there in the dark stillness of the night.

Alone.

* * * * *

The sliding glass door opened.

I heard it and kept my cheek to my knees, my face turned away, my body so cold I was shivering.

A hand slid along my lower back, another one under my knees.

I twisted as the arms lifted me, I turned to fight and stilled at what I saw.

I thought it would be Hector.

It wasn’t.

It was Duke.

He carried me into my bedroom, set me on my feet and turned to the sliding door, pushing it shut.

Then I watched in stunned silence as he came to me and, when his arms were wrapping around me, pulling me tight to his big, warm body, I heard a violent noise coming from outside the apartment, like a body had thudded against the door.

I jumped and my head snapped around.

“Hector,” Duke said over my head. “He’s out there, the boys are with him. They’re holding him back so I don’t have a lotta time.”

My lungs seized at his words and, even though the warmth of his body was heating me, I still shivered.

“Knew your Mom,” he went on. “Didn’t know her well. I was a student then, gettin’ my Master’s but I hung out at Ellen’s store. Ellen was Indy’s Grandma, she gave the store to Indy when she died.”

I didn’t reply. I stood in his arms and tried to keep my mind blank but his words came at me and I had nothing left in me to fight in order to keep them from penetrating my brain.

“I used to study there, made friends with Ellen. Katie, Indy’s Mom, Lizzie and Kitty Sue came in all the time. So did your Dad.”

I sucked in a shocked breath at this announcement and waited.

“Loved your Mom, your Dad did. Thought she hung the moon. You could see it every time he looked at her. I didn’t get a good feelin’ about the guy but Ellen thought he was special. ‘Sharp as a tack, big heart.’ She told me. She had good instincts. She could sense things in people. She never shared much but she did tell me things weren’t happy at home for your Dad. It wasn’t a good place for him to be. So he spent all the time he could with Lizzie.”

I was blinking, rapid and uncontrollable, as he kept sharing.

“Things happen, life is shit, decisions are made, paths are chosen. Your Dad chose the wrong paths but I suspect he chose them for good reasons, thinkin’ he was doin’ the right thing, wantin’ to give you and Lizzie a better life than what he had. I know this, Sadie, he loved your Mom. And she loved him. Back then, he was her world. So, I suspect what made you was love. They loved each other, Sadie, and that’s what made you. It might have gone wrong, it might have gone bad but that’s the way it started, that’s where you came from and that’s who you are.”

I heard my own breaths escaping my nostrils in sharp bursts and another violent noise sounded in the hall.

“Somethin’ else darlin’,” he went on quickly and his voice lowered. “Your Mom was here, she saw what I saw at your gallery, heard what I heard you say, it’d tear out her heart. Girl, it would just kill her to think you thought that of yourself. She made the ultimate sacrifice for you, don’t let it be for nothin’. Take hold of life and live it beautiful like she wanted you to do.”

I gulped down a sob but it tore through and now I was shivering for a different reason, tears flowing down my face, I pressed my cheek against his chest and wrapped my arms around his girth.

“Now, darlin’, there’s a man outside who’s likely to do somethin’ he’ll regret to men he respects if you don’t get out there and stop it.”

I pulled in my lips but as I did it, without thinking and without hesitation, I pulled free of Duke, walked on my frozen feet through the bedroom, living room, straight to the front door which I yanked open.

Ten feet down the hall I saw the backs of the Hot Bunch (and Tex). Lee, Hank, Mace, Vance, Luke (and Tex) were all there, their body’s held in a way that was just plain scary and the air in the hall was thick and hostile.