Rock Bottom (Tristan & Danika #2)(79)

I quickly looked away.

Of course he was sorry.

So was I.

Neither of us had wanted things to turn out this way. But as I looked at him, whole and healthy, and when I’d seen him laughing, before he’d spotted me, happy. Perhaps things really had turned out for the best for him, in spite of this all. He’d been a mess of a man when he was with me, and look at him now, thriving.

It planted one tiny seed of bitterness inside of me, and over time, that bitter seed would grow. It would flourish.

“I do not deserve your forgiveness, after all that’s happened, but I am asking for it.” His words were stilted, as though he’d rehearsed them. “Know that I would take it all back if I could, and know that I hold myself responsible for all of the bad things that happened. I am so sorry that my hitting rock bottom the way I did impacted you. Any recompense you can imagine, anything you would ask of me, I would be happy to provide. I’m at your service. Always, Danika. And it is my most sincere wish that someday, perhaps over time, you might consider being my friend again.”

Friend? I recoiled from the notion. Of course I couldn’t be that. What a drawn out torture that would be. Friends? It felt like a slap in the face. Didn’t he know that if we tried that, if we stayed close in that platonic way, I’d never be able to move on?

“Tristan.” Just saying his name was a struggle. How on earth would I get through the rest? I took a few long, necessary moments to steady my voice. My words were very formal when I was able to continue. “Consider yourself forgiven. But please don’t think that I hold you responsible for everything that happened. Things didn’t turn out how I could have hoped.” What a joke of an understatement. “But no one person is to blame for any of it. So yes, I forgive you for any and all of it. That being said, I must decline your offer of friendship. Some things…What I mean is, some people, need to stay away from each other, and we are such a pair.” I wanted to say so much more, but chose to keep my composure instead.

His ragged breaths were his only response for the longest time. “If that is how you feel, I must respect your decision.” He seemed to me to nearly choke on the words.

“It is. But thank you for the apology, and I wish you all the best.” I swallowed hard, looking down. “I’m glad you got yourself help.”

After an eternal agony of waiting, he stood up and walked away.

We didn’t look directly at each other.

I refused to stand up before he and his friends left, and so I stared at my tea for a long time while I waited.

I never took one sip of that tea.

It had been torture. But every coffin needed its last nail, and that meeting was ours.

Heart in tatters, but will intact, I went on with my life.