Ride Steady (Chaos #3)(40)

I could only hurt.

Why did I hurt?

Why did I even come?

Joker, it was now clear, didn’t want me.

Maybe he kissed back whoever kissed him. He was a guy. Guys probably did that. And it was obvious from the used condom wrappers that he had experience. Maybe he was just a good kisser because he’d had a lot of practice.

But I had in no way given him the impression I wanted it to stop.

He’d stopped it. I was taken from my thoughts again when Snapper pulled my cup out of my hand, threw it (and its liquid contents) in a trash bin, and grabbed a fresh plastic cup. Then he went to one of the three kegs behind the bar and pulled me a new one.

He came back and set it in front of me.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, and as I did, I took that opportunity to take him in fully.

He had light blond hair, long and pulled back in a slipshod bun at the back of his head. He had light blue eyes and blond lashes, the both of them together unusual and attractive. He had blond stubble on his cheeks, but I knew he shaved (though, apparently infrequently) since the whiskers at his chin were a lot longer than the rest so I figured when he was feeling in the mood to be neat, he just wore a goatee. He also had nice cheekbones, very white teeth that probably seemed whiter due to his tanned skin, and a straight nose.

“You the one with the kid?” he asked and yet again that dirty washed through me.

I dropped my eyes to my beer, lifting it, and before taking a sip, replied, “Yeah. I’m the official Chaos charity case.”

I put my cup to the bar, still looking at it, but didn’t continue to do this as I had planned, along with feeling sorry for myself and finding a time when I could tell Tabby I had to go (that time being soon), because I felt a fist gentle under my chin, lifting it.

My eyes went to Snapper’s.

“We all fall on hard times,” he said quietly, removing his fist from my chin. “It’s just lucky for you that you fell in the right direction.”

“That’s one way to look at it,” I told him.

“Only way, babe,” he returned immediately. “We are who cares about us.”

I felt my brows draw together. “Sorry?”

“You weren’t worth the trouble, we wouldn’t make it.”

That was so nice the dirty washed out of me and I couldn’t help but smile. “That’s sweet.”

He smiled back. “Maybe. Still true.”

“That’s also sweet.”

He kept smiling and offered, “Want a shot?”

I shook my head. “No. I shouldn’t. I’m driving.”

“You get blotto, I’ll put you on the back of my bike, take you home.”

“I, well… that’s nice, but my son comes home the day after tomorrow and I have a lot to do as well as a shift at work. I probably shouldn’t be hungover.”

“Your call,” he muttered.

“Though I’ve never been on the back of a bike,” I shared and he focused on me.

“No shit?”

I shook my head.

He grinned and he took his time doing it. “Then f*ck that beer. Best high of your life, bein’ on a bike. I’ll take you out.”

My disaster of a night started looking up. “Really?”

“Absolutely.”

I looked toward the pool table and saw in the short time my attention had been diverted, Joker and his brunette had stopped playing and now Rush was playing with some redhead.

Rush’s girl wasn’t in a tube top. She was in a Harley T-shirt and tight jeans, much like me. Minus the Harley tee—mine was a girl-fit Broncos babydoll tee—and also minus the tight jeans. I had on jeans, just not tight, except at the bottom where every pair of pants seemed to be tight these days.

I scanned the room and saw Joker was gone altogether.

So was his brunette.

My heart squeezed.

“Yo!” I heard Snapper call and I looked to him to see he was looking beyond me. I turned around and saw Tabby was heading toward me and Snapper. “I’m takin’ Carissa out on my bike. You wanna look after her purse or put it in Shy’s room or somethin’?”

At his request, Tabby’s gaze immediately cut to the pool tables. When she took them in, for some reason, her face got hard before she softened it and looked back toward us.

“Not a problem,” she said, stopping at us. “Go. Ride.”

“Never been on a bike,” I told her and her face split in a big smile.

“Then go. Ride.” She leaned in to me. “Beware, wind in your hair, moon on your skin, you’ll fall in love.”

I wasn’t sure that was a good thing. I’d fallen in love with something I couldn’t have, and if I fell in love with the wind in my hair and the moon on my skin, without someone to give that to me, I couldn’t have that either.

But to heck with it.

Maybe this would be the only bike ride I’d have in my life.

And maybe the kiss Joker gave me was the only fabulous kiss I’d ever get.

And maybe my dream of having a family or the other dream of getting behind the steel guarding Joker’s eyes was lost to me.

But I was still breathing.

So I’d take what I could get.

Tabby put her hand on my purse, which was lying on the bar. “Got this. Have fun.”