Ride Steady (Chaos #3)(157)

“First, my dad’s a dick,” he stated.

“I, well, I know that, Carson,” I whispered.

“He’s just a dick, but he also thinks he has a big one. No way in f*ck he’d report it to the police that a woman marked him. He wouldn’t take that hit to the cred he thinks he’s got at all, but especially gettin’ that mark from a curly-haired ex-cheerleader.”

“Really?” I asked, hope blooming.

He nodded. “Really. It’s not gonna happen. Even if you didn’t mark him, just got a punch in, he wouldn’t share that with anyone.”

Well, that was good.

“Good,” I whispered.

“Second,” he began and the minute amount I’d relaxed raced away. “He saw you. He saw me. At the grocery store while you were dumpin’ beans in the cart, he looked right at me… and you. He knew in a glance who you were to me, what we have, what I’ve got. He looked away, Carissa. I coulda made an approach and rubbed it in, but why the f*ck would I waste my time with that shit? It isn’t worth it. Bein’ in a grocery store with a beautiful girl who likes bein’ with me who’s babbling about chili hit him harder than I could ever do it even if I wanted to put in that effort. I took off to get outta his space. He doesn’t deserve that, but I had my pretty girl with me babblin’ about chili. We were settin’ up for a good night ’cause that’s what we always have. I introduce him into it, it means she might not have a good night. So I got us the f*ck outta there.”

“Oh,” I said softly, thinking perhaps I should have discussed things with him before I went out and committed felonies.

He went on like I didn’t make the sound.

“Not to mention, wandering a grocery store isn’t big with me. You’re in one, you act like you’re in a mall. So I’m seein’ if I gotta go to the store, I go alone. You gotta go, you go alone, but while you’re out, I contact my brothers just in case we gotta convene a search party. The way you are in a grocery store, you ever gotta go to the mall, you go without me. Deal?”

How did we get to talking about how we shopped?

I didn’t think it was a good idea to request that information.

I just said, “Deal.” Then I asked, “So he scowled at that old lady because he saw you and you with me?”

“He did what?”

“He gave a dirty look to an old lady,” I told him, then added, “It was very rude.”

“Who knows why he does the shit he does?” Joker asked. “But yeah, probably. I kicked his ass and left him out cold on his living room floor last time I saw him. Years later I’m with a cute, sweet, honey-haired, ex-cheerleader, once homecoming queen piece of ass. And before you say it,” he said when I opened my mouth, “all that is written all over you. He’s an * and an * to women, but he wouldn’t miss any a’ that.”

“Okay,” I whispered.

“My ma was f*ckin’ gorgeous, but even in his glory days, he couldn’t nail a piece like you, and I’m leanin’ on a cart while you toss in enough beans to feed chili to my entire Club.”

“You never know when the chili craving will come over you,” I said quietly. “Most of those were for the pantry, just in case.”

He stared at me.

Then he muttered (like it was a bad thing), “Jesus, you do it for me.”

“I do…” I paused uncertainly, “what for you?”

“Everything.”

I started breathing funny.

“You keyed him?” he asked.

I nodded.

“Vehicle and face?”

“The last was a mistake, kind of gross, and I don’t feel proud—”

“Butterfly, I need you to get this,” he interrupted me firmly. “I’ve been in love with you since high school. I’ll be in love with you when you walk down the aisle to me, push out our first kid, our second, our third, cry when they go off to college, nag at them to give you grandbabies, and sit next to me on our couch in our pad in assisted living. I got that. I got my family. I got my brothers. I’m healed. You do not have to go off keyin’ my dad’s car. I’m good. Stop tryin’ to make me that way. You already got me there.”

I loved all he said.

All of it.

But I was focused on one thing.

“You’ve been in love with me since high school?” I breathed.

“Did you actually look at that sketch I gave you?”

Tears wet my eyes.

He’d been in love with me since high school.

“Yeah, Carrie,” he answered. “It’s you. It’s always been you. It’ll always be you. Fuckin’ always.”

Aaron had said that more than once, and each time until the last I’d convinced myself to believe it.

Now Joker said it and I knew the difference immediately.

I didn’t have to convince myself of anything.

“Can I… can I…?” I started talking at the same time blubbering, “Are you angry with me?”

“Outside of wishin’ you’d told me what you were up to so if you needed that, I coulda watched, no.”

I kept blubbering but also started giggling.

“Now, Butterfly, tell me something,” he demanded.