Ride Steady (Chaos #3)(122)

“That’s where it comes from,” he muttered.

“Seeing him,” she kept going, “it reminds me that he got rid of me. Didn’t think about it. Threw me away. And that was devastating. I honestly didn’t know if I’d survive it. At the time. But I’d been with him a long time and the blinders were pulled off. I had a baby in my belly, which made it worse. And I had nothing but a lot of furniture and a settlement that was such a joke, it’s not funny. I was just too young and stupid and scared not to know it was just that. So that was that. But what I have with you, if the same happened, what would I do? What would Travis do? I lost a bad husband that I’d eventually figure out was bad and maybe down the road would have wanted to lose. But that’s never going to happen with you.”

“No, it f*cking isn’t.”

Her chin jerked back at his words.

Or maybe it was his tone.

He didn’t give a f*ck what it was. He wasn’t done talking.

“I get you see him, and with him f*ckin’ with your head, this all surfaces, and I get that’ll f*ck with you. But, Carissa, I am not him.”

“Of course,” she whispered.

“I want your * free and open to me. I wanna come inside you so you actually got my cum inside you and I want that in a way I know I’m gonna keep wantin’ that. No way in f*ck I’d want that, take it, and f*ck someone else too. That shit isn’t happening. You’re it for me. I thought I made that clear.”

“Well… you did.”

She gave him that.

He still wasn’t done talking.

“Man like me is not gonna live without *, Carrie. So I want yours exclusive, and long term that means I want you both those ways and I don’t want you just because I wanna f*ck you. I want you. Thought I made that clear too.”

“Uh… well, you did.”

“Then let that other shit go.”

“I… okay.” She held his eyes and asked hesitantly, “Are you, um… angry with me?”

“No, I’m pissed at him for f*ckin’ with your head so you’re not lyin’ under me in my tee at peace with the knowledge that you’re the whole package. Hot piece of ass. Totally f*ckin’ cute. An absolute goofball. Sweet. Kind. Funny. Stubborn. Sassy. The best mom there could be. The kind of package guys would give their dicks to keep right,” he pressed into her, “here.”

“Oh,” she whispered.

“And I’d prefer to have easy with you as often as I can get it, but I’m thinkin’ I got work to do to get you to that place and he gave me that but most of all he gave you that and like I said, that pisses me off.”

“Um… well, just to say, your colorful way of sharing all this has been quite educational in that arena.”

“So by that you mean I got through?”

Her head again tipped to the side just as her eyes lit.

“Well, you are Carson Steele, the boy every girl crushed on in high school. And you are Joker, the Chaos member who Wilde and Hay think is an automotive design genius. And you are lying on me, declaring your devotion to my… um, special parts after making me climax twice. So I think I’m pretty happy lying beneath you in your tee because if you like my whole package, just to say, I like your whole package a whole lot more.”

Finally, Joker relaxed and started chuckling.

She kept going.

“So yes, I’d say with all that, you got through.”

“Good,” he muttered, still laughing.

She took a hand from his back to put it on his cheek and she slid her thumb across his heavy stubble but did it holding his eyes.

“I’ll survive whatever he has in store,” she said quietly. “But you may have to bear with me.”

That made Joker stop laughing.

“I’ll bear with you, Carrie, but while I do it, you’re gonna have to accept the honesty.”

And finally for her, with that, she smiled. “I like your honesty.”

“Good,” he muttered again.

“I also like couch sex,” she declared.

“Got that yesterday when I rode you here and you got off for me.”

She kept smiling.

It started to die as she lifted her head and touched her mouth to his before she dropped it back to the cushion. Her face was dead serious.

“I’m still falling in love with you, Carson.”

Fucking brilliant.

“Same here, Butterfly.”

She gave him what he needed with her eyes.

So he gave her what she needed by taking her mouth.

They made out. They cuddled. They felt each other up. They whispered about important things, like Linus and Mrs. Heely and her dad and gramma. They did it a long time and through all that, he got her to peace.

And putting their plates in the sink to soak was the last thing he did before joining her in bed, where Carissa fell asleep against him wearing his tee.

* * *

His phone on the nightstand rang and Joker opened his eyes.

Carissa was pressing against him, stretching and lifting her head as he reached out and nabbed it.

He looked at the display, saw who was calling as well as the time, and he tensed and took the call. “Yeah?”

“Sorry, brother, know you’re in Carrie’s bed so f*cks me to say this, Nightingale found Heidi,” Tack told him. “But not the Nightingale you put on it. Hank.”