Reunion in Death (In Death #14)(82)

Absently, he crossed to the AutoChef and programmed in the tea she preferred.

When Caro knocked, he opened the door himself, extended a hand to Mira. "It's nice to see you."

"I'm sure it's not." She squeezed his hand. "But thank you for making the time. I'm overwhelmed just from the walk from reception. Your glass breezeway is amazing."

"Gives competitors a chance to think about a long plunge before they reach here. Thank you, Caro." He drew Mira in as his admin closed the door quietly behind them.

"And this..." Mira glanced around the office with its lush furnishings, stunning art, sleek equipment. "It certainly suits you. It manages to be both sumptuous and efficient all at once. I know you're busy."

"Not too busy for you. It's tea, isn't it? Jasmine, most usually?"

"Yes." It didn't surprise her that he'd remember such a minor detail. He had a mind like a computer. She took the seat he offered on a deeply cushioned sofa, waited for him to sit beside her. "I don't want to waste your time with small talk."

"I appreciate it. Did Eve send you?"

"No, but she knows I intended to talk with you. I haven't seen her yet today, though I intend to do that as well. I know she was injured last evening."

"She's resilient. Not quite as much as she likes to think, but she springs back somehow or other. Bruised damn near top to toe. All but cracked her head open like an egg. Would have, if it wasn't made of rock."

"Which is one of the reasons you love her."

"True enough."

"And still you worry. Being married to a cop is an enormous commitment of restraint. She understands that, which is one of the reasons she tried to resist, or deny what she felt for you. One of them." Mira reached out to cover his hand. "And another reason was her father. She told me you've been to Dallas."

"Good. It's good she can talk with you about it."

"And you can't." She could feel the tension gather in him like a bruise. "Roarke, you've spoken frankly with me before. There aren't many who know the circumstances of this. There aren't many you can speak with."

"What do you want me to say? It isn't my nightmare, but hers."

"Of course it's yours. You love her."

"Yes, I love her, and I'll stand with her. I'll do whatever can be done-which is bloody little. I know talking to you from time to time can settle her mind. I'm grateful for that."

"She's concerned for you."

"She's no need to be." He could feel the anger rising into his throat, bit back on it. Felt it bleed. "Nor have you. But it was kind of you to take the time to come by."

She saw the cool dismissal on his face, a thin veil of it over the heat. She set her tea aside, smoothed the skirt of her pale blue suit. "All right. I'm sorry to have interrupted your day. I won't keep you any longer."

"Bloody hell!" He lunged to his feet. "What's the point in spilling my guts out here? What good will it do her?"

Mira sat where she was, picked up her tea again. "It might do you some."

"How?" He spun back around, frustrated fury alive on his face. "It changes nothing. Do you want to hear how I stood there and watched her suffer, watched her remember it, and feel it as if it were happening still? She was helpless and terrified and lost, and watching her, so am I. I go after what comes for me, and I make a habit of going after it first. And this..."

"This can't be gone after, not the way you mean." How difficult for him, she thought, this man who looks like, thinks like, a warrior to stand without a lance to protect what he values most.

"It can't be changed," she added, "it can't be stopped because it's already done. So it preys on you, just as it does on her."

"Sometimes she screams in the night." He sighed. "Sometimes she only whimpers, like a small animal might when it's afraid, or in pain. And sometimes she sleeps easy. I can't go inside her dreams and kill him for her."

Professional objectivity couldn't stand against the tidal wave of his emotion, or the flood of her own. Tears gathered in her throat as she spoke. "No, you can't, but you're there when she wakes. Do you understand what a difference you've made for her? How you've given her the courage to face her past? And the compassion to accept yours."

"I know, realistically, we are what we are because of what we were, and what we've made of that. I believe in fate, in destiny, and also in giving fate a good twist of the arm when it's not going your way." When she smiled at that, he felt his shoulders relax. "I know what's done is done, but it doesn't stop me from wishing I could go back and use these on him." He balled his fists, then spread his fingers out again.

"I'd say that was a very healthy attitude."

"Would you?"

"I hope so as I often feel the same myself. I love her, too."

He looked at her, that serene face, those eyes so filled with quiet understanding. "Yes, I see you do."

"And you."

He blinked once, slowly, as if translating some foreign tongue. With a soft laugh, she got to her feet.

"The pair of you always seem so baffled and suspicious when offered free affection. You're a good man, Roarke," she said and kissed his cheek.