Reckless (Brazen #2)(17)

Oh, it had started as nothing more than a girlish form of hero worship, but over time her feelings had grown. This time…this time she’d vowed to do something about the current of attraction that flowed between them.

And it had been a complete and utter disaster.

She sighed glumly and wondered how long it would take for J.T. to say his piece so she could nod and say whatever just so she could leave to lick her wounds in solitude.

They pulled into her drive, and he cut the engine. Not looking her way, he got out and came around to her side. She stepped from the truck, but he didn’t touch her as they walked to her front door.

Why was she dreading this so much? Maybe because saying goodbye to the only man she’d ever loved was tearing her heart right out of her chest?

Love sucked. No two ways about it. Maybe her mother had it right. Never give yourself to one man. Much too messy and painful. Play the field. Have it all. Protect yourself at all costs.

She walked into her living room and sank down on the couch. Whatever J.T. had to say, she hoped he’d make it quick. She was already steeling herself for the apology. The regret he’d show over what happened between them. And then the whole You’re young, you have your whole life ahead of you, you’ll find someone else speech.

Gee, she could hardly wait.

“Nikki, look at me,” he said softly.

He knelt in front of her and touched her cheek. That loving gesture was her undoing.

Despite her vow not to cry in front of him, not to let him know how much he’d hurt her, tears slipped down her cheeks.

He cupped her face in his big hands and kissed the tears away from both sides of her face. She flinched and yanked away from him. Was he just trying to kill her? Twist the knife a little deeper?

“What do you want, J.T.?”

“We need to talk about us,” he said. “I need to know why you waited, why you chose me. I need to know how you feel about me.”

She reared back and glared at him. Either he had to be the dumbest man on earth, or he was being unnecessarily cruel. Right now she was thinking it was the former.

“Oh no,” she said with a shake of her head. “I’ve laid it out, put myself on the line too much already. No way I’m giving you that kind of ammo. You have to be the stupidest man I’ve ever met if you have to ask such a dumb question anyway.” He laughed. The bastard actually laughed. Here she sat dying on the inside, and all he could do was laugh? She shoved angrily at him, but he refused to budge.

“Okay, I can take a hint. You’ve made all the moves, and yes, I’m a complete dumbass, Nikki. You knocked me for a loop. I honest to God didn’t know if I was coming or going when you were around.”

“That’s easy. You were going. Running,” she muttered.

His expression sobered. “Yeah, I know, honey. I’m sorry. More than you’ll ever know. But I need to know if you care about me or if this was just a game. I need to know if it was more than just sex and a good time.” She knew she couldn’t control the hurt that flashed in her eyes, and he saw it, because just as quickly, she saw regret in his as once again he managed to stick his foot right down his throat.

“I know it must have looked like I was some silly little nympho on the hunt for a cock. But you have to know that sex has never been a game for me. You know what my mother was,” she said softly. “I was a virgin, J.T. A twenty-two-year-old virgin. Like those are common these days?”

He cupped her cheek. “But why me, Nikki?”

Well hell, it didn’t really matter at this point. She’d lost any and all pride over this fool. In for a penny, in for a pound. Besides, she wouldn’t ever have to see him again.

“Because I love you,” she said defiantly. “I’ve loved you forever, J.T., and there was never anyone else for me. I wanted you to be the first…the only.” He opened his mouth to speak as his eyes widened in shock, but she cut him off.

“I know what you’re going to say. I’m too young. I don’t know what I want. I’m naïve and foolish. You can say all you want, but it doesn’t change the facts. I’m not naïve or stupid. I grew up a long damn time ago, J.T. But I’ll tell you this. I’m through waiting around on you to wise up and pry the corncob out of your ass. I’ll go be miserable someplace else.”

She was silenced by his lips sweeping over hers, demanding, hard but loving. So loving and tender. His hands shook as they framed her face.

”I had to be certain,” he said in a shaky voice. It was dark and husky, catching and stumbling over the words as he spoke. “I thought I was a fling, a diversion, someone to bide your time with until you moved on.”

“Yeah, well who says you aren’t,” she grumbled.

He laughed again, and then something dark and primitive shadowed his face. “I love you, Nikki. God knows I fought it tooth and nail, but damn if I don’t love you with every piece of my soul. I’m afraid to even go back and figure out how long I’ve loved you. I’m not sure I’d like the answer.”

She glanced skeptically at him. Her heart pounded a little harder, but she was too afraid to hope.

“Don’t look at me like that, honey. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I swear if you’ll give me a chance, I’ll never hurt you again. Okay, maybe I will, but I won’t mean to, and I’ll spend every day of my life making sure you know how much I love you.” Her eyes widened in wonder. “W-what are you saying, J.T.?”