Ready for You (Ready #3)(43)
I hadn’t been able to say enough that day. How could I say good-bye to the greatest father in the world?
Sitting down on those uncomfortable church pews with my family brought everything rushing back with crystal-clear clarity.
There were programs and boxes of Kleenex laid out on the pews, and I had to move them to sit down next to Mia. She picked up a program and handed it to me. On the front was a picture of my dad. Dressed in his signature Hawaiian shirt and khakis he loved to wear so much in the summer, he looked happy with a huge grin that took up his entire face.
Mia’s grip on my hand never failed, and she leaned into me. Feeling her beside me anchored me in a way I couldn’t explain. The feeling to run was still there, but with her here, I felt grounded. Every time I felt like the walls were collapsing around me, her steady hand was there to help pull me through to the other side.
My eyes focused on the casket and wouldn’t budge. My mother had chosen a closed casket, and I was thankful. The last memory of my father was hard enough without having to see him embalmed and lifeless.
A minister I didn’t know took the podium and began quoting scripture before speaking about my father. I guessed he knew my father. My parents had attended this church for a while, and my dad was a social guy. Everyone had loved him.
Everyone loved him—past tense.
I didn’t like talking about my father in past tense. It made me angry.
Finally, the minister opened the podium to family members. My mom had mentioned this part to us last night. She’d wanted to give all of us the opportunity to speak about Dad if we wanted.
Logan was the first to take the podium. “Hi, my name is Logan Matthews, and I was lucky enough to call Thomas Finnegan, Dad. The first time I met him was about four years ago at one of their famous cookouts. I was scared to death. I was dating his daughter, and I was convinced he was going to kill me.”
The audience chuckled a bit, and Logan gave a hint of a smile.
“He took one look at me, and I thought I was a goner. When he pulled me to the side and started grilling me, I thought for sure I’d never see Clare or Maddie again, and they’d find my body floating along the James River. Something I said must have convinced him I was good enough for them because he pulled me into a tight hug and welcomed me to the family…just like that.”
The room was silent, and Logan was fighting back tears.
“Sometimes, the people who give us life aren’t capable to take on the role of a parent, so we spend a lifetime trying to find someone to fill that gaping hole in our heart. Thomas Finnegan was that person for me. He was the only real father figure I’ve ever known, and I am so lucky that I had him in my life. He gave me the love of my life and a family. I will be indebted to him for the rest of my days.”
He stepped off the podium, wiping tears from his eyes. After him, one by one, my family spoke. Clare said Dad had a tremendous heart. My mother recounted the tale of their fairy-tale wedding day, but she couldn’t make it through, and Leah stepped in to help her. Leah’s speech was much like Logan’s, speaking of how he was the only real father she’d ever known. Her biological father was currently serving a life sentence for attempted kidnapping and abuse.
Soon, there was no one left but me, and I knew it was time. Mia squeezed my hand—her way of telling me it was okay if I didn’t go up there, but for once in my life, I didn’t want to avoid the hard stuff. I wanted my dad to be proud of me.
The distance between the front pew and the podium felt endless, and by the time I took my place behind it, my heart was rattling in my chest. I looked out to the audience and saw my family staring back at me with encouraging tear-stained eyes. Mia had slid over next to Leah, and they were holding hands.
“My father was always a man of words. Growing up, when we had math or science homework, we went to Mom, but if we had a paper to write, Clare and I knew to go to Dad for help. He always knew what to say and when. He had a knack for it, and he was this way with advice, too. In my sophomore year of high school, we were working on fixing up an old car, so I’d have something to drive once I got my license. We were always doing projects together, and unlike some teenagers, I never grew tired of hanging out with my old man. We’d talk about school and football. He’d ask about my friends and my girlfriend.”
I glanced over at Mia, and her eyes grew a bit wider at my mention of her.
“I usually shied away from any girlfriend talk. I thought my dad was cool, but there were limits.”
That earned me a laugh from the crowd, but I didn’t join in. I wasn’t doing stand-up. I was just trying to explain.
“As my sixteenth birthday grew closer, we were nearing the end of the car rebuild. One day, I found myself asking my dad a question. I said, ‘Dad, how do you know if you’re in love?’ His head popped out of the hood and just about hit the top. He gave me an appraising look and finally said, ‘It’s pretty simple really. If you can’t imagine your life without her in it, you’re in love.’”
The wood of the podium was smooth and polished, and my gaze drifted down to it as I gathered my last thoughts. It was better than staring out at that quiet crowd.
“He left me alone for a while to finish up, and I remember sitting on the hood of that car, thinking about what he said.” I took a strangled breath and choked out, “He was right, you know. Love is a simple thing—whether it’s the love of your life or a father. Right now, I’m having the hardest time trying to imagine my life without him in it.”