Ready for You (Ready #3)(37)

I kissed you and said everything would be okay because I knew it would be.

When he’d kissed me again after so much time, I’d felt a part of my heart repairing itself. But I had been living a fantasy. There were some things that couldn’t be forgotten.

“Well,” Leah said, her eyes locking with mine, “if you need someone to talk to, Mia, I’m here. From the expression on your face right now, I know there’s more going on, so please talk to someone. It doesn’t have to be me, but I’m here, and I won’t judge. I’m going to go check on my patients one last time and then clock out.”

She turned away and disappeared down the hallway, and I was once again alone with my thoughts.

I was so tired of thinking.

After Garrett had silently dropped me off, I’d spent the rest of the weekend drowning in my own thoughts until I finally called into work to see if I could cancel my day off. I’d thought that at least I’d have something to do besides mope around the house. I hadn’t even bothered calling Liv to tell her I was home early, so she could bring Sam back.

As I’d waited for Sunday to come and work to follow, I’d just sat in my empty house and remembered. Memories could be the best and the worst part of living. The good kind could keep someone going, serving as a reminder to keep moving even when life was intent on dragging one down. The bad memories were like little reminders of everything everyone tried so hard to forget—reminders of failure, guilt, and periods of our past that were unchangeable. They clawed at every good memory, making them fade into the background until only pain was left.

Months after that fateful night with my parents, when my entire world had changed, I’d spent hours on the Internet researching grief. I’d read story after story of other women who had gone through the same thing I had. I’d learned I had a form of posttraumatic stress disorder, but I had felt too ashamed to seek treatment.

What would I tell the doctor?

I’m the reason my child isn’t alive. I left my fiancé, and now, I can’t walk down the street without crying.

Who would feel bad for me?

Eventually, the tears had started to ebb, and I’d found the strength to attend classes. School had become my obsession and coping mechanism. I’d paid for every single semester. Thanks to a generous scholarship from a small college out west and many student loans, I’d made it on my own. I had been done living under my mother’s authority.

But it hadn’t changed what had already happened. Bottling up feelings doesn’t make them go away. You can’t hide from your past—it always eventually finds you.

I should have never returned.

~Garrett~

“You’re quieter than normal,” my sister said as she joined me on her sofa and handed me a glass of her homemade sweet tea.

Besides my niece and nephew, it was one of the main reasons I showed up here on a regular basis. Clare made a killer glass of sweet tea.

“Sorry. I’m just lost in my own thoughts.”

She took a long sip from her own glass and watched me do the same thing. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, and we’d just finished up having a late lunch. The kids were playing outside with Logan. Clare had cornered me on my way out and talked me into a drink and a nice brother-sister chat.

I should have known better.

“Hmm…it wouldn’t have anything to do with Mia coming back into town, would it?”

It would have everything to do with Mia coming back into town, into my life, into my every thought.

“No, she’s fine. It’s not a big deal,” I said, trying to brush it off.

“You’re a terrible liar, Garrett.”

“Am not.”

“You so are! Remember when we were kids, and I asked you what happened to my goldfish from the state fair?”

“It died,” I answered flatly.

“Only because you and your friends tried to see if a fish would actually get flushed down the toilet!” she cried.

“Well, I didn’t actually think it would happen,” I replied with a shrug.

“How is that possible?”

“Tim said it would swim against the current, like a salmon.”

“Well, poor Goldie died because of your little experiment.”

“I’m sure she made it out to the ocean,” I encouraged.

“We live almost two hours from the ocean, Garrett!” This time, the loud voice was followed up by a punch to the arm.

“Ouch.” I laughed. “Okay, the river maybe? Whatever. It was a fish, and I am a perfectly good liar.”

“So, why don’t you tell me why you are sitting on my couch when you should be flying home from New York?”

Shit. I didn’t think about that.

“Something came up, and we needed to cut the trip short,” I said quickly, trying not to remember the night that had sent me running back home, away from Mia and our past.

I’d dropped her off and left in a hurry, intent on ending this so-called friendship we’d started. No good could come from it. I’d been resolute in my decision. I’d even called a contractor to come in on Monday to finish the installation on her floors in hopes that my guilt at not finishing would be lessened.

Not even twenty-four hours later, I already missed her.

Clare huffed out a breath and stared down at her half-empty glass. She ran her finger along the condensation and made a little heart on the glass. “Look, I know that you are closer with Leah. I get that, and I’ve always been glad that you two were able to form such a close bond. But I’m still your sister. I’m here for you.”