Pushing the Limits (Pushing the Limits #1)(93)

“No,” she repeated.

“And they have grandparents.” I didn’t recognize the hoarse sound of my voice. “Jacob couldn’t stop talking about Joe’s parents and Tyler goes fishing with Carrie’s dad every Wednesday as long as it’s above freezing. I can’t offer them that.”

“You’re right.”

“I love them,” I said with determination.

“I know you do.” And her voice quavered. “I have never doubted that.”

“I love Echo, too.” I stared straight into Mrs. Collins’s eyes. “I miss her.”

She shrugged and gave me a sad smile. “It’s okay to love someone besides your brothers, Noah. You aren’t betraying them or your parents because you’re living your life.”

And it happened. After years of holding it in, the grief within me snapped. All of the anger and sadness and hurt I’d stored away in my quest to never feel those emotions burst through to the surface. “I want my mom and dad.” I couldn’t suck in air. “I just want my family back.”

Mrs. Collins wiped her eyes and crossed the room to me. “I know,” she said again and pulled me into a hug.

“THANKS AGAIN, NOAH.” JOE SHOOK my hand for possibly the fiftieth time since I told him and Carrie I was no longer pursuing custody after I graduated. “I promise you’ll see them whenever you want.”

I nodded and glanced over my shoulder. Mrs. Collins and Carrie stood near the stairs at the end of the second-floor hallway. Mrs. Collins sent me an encouraging smile and I took a deep breath.

Joe opened the door to Jacob’s room and the two of us entered. “Boys, Noah would like to talk to you.”

“Noah!” In Batman pajamas, Jacob raced across the room and rammed into me. “You’re still here!”

“Yes,” said Joe. “And he’ll be here a lot more.” With eager eyes, Jacob marveled at Joe. “You mean it?”

“I swear to it.” Joe patted my shoulder. “I’ll give you guys some time to talk.”

And just like that he walked away, closing the door behind him. I hadn’t been alone with my brothers in over two years. With my hand on Jacob, I stared at the picture of my parents. They weren’t coming back and I could never re-create what we had, but I could move forward.

I sat on the floor and my heart floated when Tyler, in footed pajamas, inched closer to me and placed his small hand in mine. His thumb in his mouth. A blanket in his fist.

Jacob superglued himself to my side. “Dad never swears unless he means it, Noah. He says it’s a sin to lie.”

I nodded. “It is. Our mom used to say that, too.” I cleared my throat and began the hardest conversation of my life. “A couple of years ago, I made a promise to you. At the time I meant it, but now I don’t think it’s the best thing for any of us.”

I looked at Tyler. He was too young to remember the way Mom laughed when Dad tried to dance with her as she washed the dinner dishes. Too young to remember Dad showing him pictures of buildings and explaining how his sons would know how to hammer in a nail correctly before the age of ten.

And Jacob. Old enough to remember, but too young to fully understand everything he lost. He’d never know the pride of walking in with Mom on parent appreciation night. He’d never know the explosion of joy when Dad told him that he was a natural when he used his first power tool.

They’d never know that they lost the two most amazing people on the face of the planet. They’d never know how the loss had torn me up every single day of my life.

I took a deep breath and tried again. “How would you feel about the two of you living here forever and me just coming to visit?”

MRS. COLLINS RAN THE STOP SIGN at the end of Jacob and Tyler’s street. I sat in my car, alone.

Echo.

I had let her walk away and it wasn’t over custody of my brothers. Mrs. Collins was right. Deep down I’d thought loving her was a betrayal of my parents and my brothers.

But I loved Echo. I needed her. And I was going to win her back.

I turned on the car and the engine sputtered to life. Foster care was educational—in a “five to seven years with the possibility of parole” kind of way. The question was what to do with all of the information I’d gathered.

Echo

“He’s where?” I screeched. I turned off Aires’ car and flew out of the seat. The entire world had gone insane. First Ashley went into early labor. Now Noah insisted upon being crazy.

“Dammit, Beth. I told you not to smoke that shit. Noah is going to be pissed.” Isaiah rubbed a hand over his buzzed head. For once, I was glad that Beth was stoned into near-incomprehension and rambling.

“What exactly does he think he’s going to get?” I asked. “He already knows everything about his brothers and he told me that he’s following the letter of the law. Breaking into Mrs. Collins’s office is not following the letter of the law!”

Isaiah clapped his hands together. “Let’s take it for a ride.”

Had Isaiah also lost his mind? “Your best friend … your brother is going to break into school and then break into Mrs. Collins’s office and you want to take the car for a ride?”

Isaiah rubbed his hands together in mock excitement, but frustration marred his eyes. “Yes.”