Purity in Death (In Death #15)(102)

Bracing her hands on the tiles, she lowered her head so the jets of water could beat down over her, drumming out the little aches.

She didn't think. For twenty minutes under the spray she allowed herself to blank. Calmer, she stepped into the drying tube, let the hot air whirl and blow around her. She hitched on a towel, stepped back into the bedroom.

And saw Roarke.

"Sit down, Eve."

Her blood drained. "Peabody."

"No. No, she's doing well. In fact, she's on her way here now. You just need to sit."

"I've got a major op in a few hours. The investigative team deserves to be down on the bust. They need to be briefed."

"It can wait while you take a few more minutes to settle yourself." He scooped her off her feet.

"Hey! What are you, a damn rabbit. I don't have time for sex."

"If I thought sex was what you needed, we'd be in bed." Instead he dropped her on the couch, sat beside her. "Turn around here. Close your eyes."

"Look, Roarke-oh God." Her eyes fluttered as he dug fingers and thumbs into her shoulders.

"You've knots in here the size of my fist. I could dump a soother into you, but we'll try this instead."

"Yeah? Well, if you don't stop that within fifteen minutes, I'm going to kick your ass."

He bent his head, touched his lips to her knotted shoulder. "I love you, Eve. Every obstinate inch of you."

"I don't feel obstinate. I feel . . ." She felt herself filling up again, doubts and loathing. "I'm not sure of myself. You have to know you're right. Don't you have to know? That ass**le Dwier, he knows he's right. Not a doubt in his mind, not a twinge. He's just trying to save his skin, and his woman's."

"A lot of people know they're right, when what they are is wrong. Having doubts keeps you human."

"Not like this. Not when you start doubting the core. Isn't that how this group pulled people in? The ones who started doubting the core, not trusting it. I traded Dwier for the case today. I gave a wrong cop a walk so I could close it down."

"You had a choice to make."

She reached back, gripped his hand. He'd been one of her choices. The best choice of her life. At least there, she had no doubts. "He said . . . he said they'd taken a collection for Halloway, like a memorial. Like they had a right. "

Roarke wrapped his arms around her waist, drew her back against him, and let her pour it out. "I'm sitting there, looking at him, listening to his bullshit justifications, the program propaganda, and I remember how Colleen Halloway thanked me. She thanked me and I'm kicking loose one of the people responsible for her son's death."

She pulled up her knees, pressed her face against them. "I'm seeing what happened to Hannah Wade. I see her lying facedown in her own blood. And he says it's too bad about her. Said it was an accident. But she only got what she deserved because she was just a whore. I want to pound my fists into his flesh for that, beat him senseless for it. But I swing weight with the P.A. to get him immunity so he won't have to pay for it. For any of it. Am I standing for the dead, or am I walking all over them?"

"You know the answer to that." He forced her around. Her cheeks were damp again. "You know the answer in your heart."

"I used to know it in my gut. I used to know it in my bones. And I don't know what kind of cop I'm going to make if I don't feel it that way again."

"I don't know this Dwier, but I do know this: He may not live out his life in a cage, but he'll never be free again. I do know you, Eve. Whatever you did, you did for Halloway, for Hannah Wade, and the rest. You bargained your own needs away for theirs."

"I don't know if I did. But I hope to God it was worth it." She used her hands to scrub her cheeks dry. "I'm going to break them tonight. And tomorrow, I'm going to send Peachtree down to hell with them."

She blew out a breath, pushed back her hair. 'To do that, I've got to shake this off."

"Would you like some positive news?"

"I could use it."

"We've finished the full ID on the virus. We've duplicated it. Which means we can create a permanent shield against it that allows us full access to the data in the remaining units."

"You can track it back to source?"

"We can. We will. It'll take a bit more time, but we're on our way, well on it, to that point."

"Good. I've got a warrant. One that went through," she added, thinking of Judge Archer. "All Dukes's equipment-whatever's left in his place-is to be confiscated. I need you to dig out transmissions. Somebody gave him the word to run, and where to run to. We're getting Dwier's and Price's, too. Just in case they're holding any names back."

"We'll be busy."

"You and Jamie can put in some time on them tonight while we run the op."

"I recall you saying the investigative team would be in on this bust."

"I can't take the kid on an op." She rose, walked to the closet. "You'd be a lot more valuable to me in the lab. That's not a con, and to prove it, I'm not ordering you to stay." She grabbed a shirt, turned back. "I'm asking."

"That's tricky of you." He got to his feet. "I'll be your lab rat then, for a bit longer."