Prince of Dreams (Stokehurst #2)(80)

Slowly Nikolas set the water glass aside and stood up, weaving slightly as he walked toward the Prophet Elijah icon. Since the eighteenth century, the painting had been decorated with jeweled plates that formed a halo around Elijah's head, covered the body of the chariot, and outlined the red cloud. Nikolas brushed his fingers over the surface of the painting and inserted his fingernails under one of the gold plates. He pried it off, ignoring Emma's bewildered questions. Clutching the small plate in his fist, he stared at the painting.

There was a scratch on the edge of the red cloud…the scratch he had made a hundred and seventy years ago. Nikolas traced it with the tip of his finger, and felt a sudden hot trickle of tears on his face. “It wasn't a dream,” he said thickly.

Emma came up behind him. “Why are you behaving so strangely?” she demanded. “Why are you taking that icon apart? Why—” She stopped with a gasp as he turned toward her. “God,” she whispered, backing away a step. “What's the matter with you?”

“Stay here with me.” Nikolas dropped the thin gold plate to the floor and came toward her slowly, as if one quick movement might startle her into flight. “Emma…there are things I need to tell you.”

“I'm not interested in anything you have to say,” she said sharply. “After what I found out today—the way you ruined my relationship with Adam and tore my whole life apart—”

“I'm sorry.”

Emma shook her head as if she hadn't heard him correctly. “Well, that's a first! I've never heard you apologize for anything before. Is that supposed to make up for all you've done to me?”

He searched painfully for words. “Something's happened to me…I don't know how to make you understand. I…I've never been honest about my feelings for you. I never wanted to admit them, and when they became too strong, I tried to hurt you and keep you at a distance—”

“Is that why you went to bed with another woman?” she asked scornfully. “Because your feelings for me are so strong?”

Deeply ashamed, Nikolas could not meet her gaze. “I won't do that again, Emma. Ever.”

“I don't care what you do with yourself. Have a different woman every night, for all I care. Just leave me alone.”

“I don't want anyone else.” Nikolas caught her in his arms before she could step away. His heart beat in violent joy at being able to hold her again, and his fingers clenched into her pliant flesh with unconscious force. Emma was still, her body stiff with rejection. She pinned him with a coldly accusing stare.

“I'll make you forget all the things I've done,” Nikolas said. “I swear I'll make you happy…just let me try. All I want is to love you. You don't even have to love me back.”

Emma froze, while the words rang in long-forgotten echoes. “What?” she asked faintly, beginning to tremble.

Casting aside all pride and caution, he laid his heart at her feet. “You have to know the truth. I've loved you for a long time, Emma. I would do anything for you, even give my life—”

Emma wrenched free of him, glaring and shivering. “What in God's name are you trying to do—drive me insane? For weeks you've devoted yourself to being a heartless pig, then suddenly you have a fainting spell in the sitting room, and you wake up and say you love me? What kind of perverse game is this?”

“It's not a game.”

“You're not capable of love. Your main concern has always been—and will always be—yourself.”

“In the past that was true. But not now. Now I've finally realized—”

“Don't you dare try to claim you've suddenly decided to change your ways! Only a fool would believe that of a man who rejects his own child.”

Nikolas winced at that. “I'm going to make it up to Jacob,” he said grimly. “I'll be a good father to him. He's going to be safe and happy for the rest of his life—”

“Enough of this!” Her face was red with fury. “I never dreamed even you could be this malicious. It's one thing to deceive me with your empty promises, but if you dare lie to that little boy and make him believe you care for him, you'll cripple him emotionally.”

“I do care for him.”

“You'll abandon him as callously as you do everyone else—and I won't be able to pick up all the pieces. Oh, men are such lying cowards! You make someone believe they can depend on you, and then you leave without a thought. You won't have a chance to betray Jake and me that way—I won't let it happen.”

“From now on, you can depend on me. I'll prove it to you a thousand times over.” Nikolas took her stiff hand in his and brought it to his mouth, pressing his lips against her hard knuckles. “I won't hurt you again. Believe in me.”

Emma stared into his eyes, and whatever she saw made her breath catch. Twisting away, she strode from the room. “Damn you,” she muttered, and slammed the door in her wake.

Emma curled up on a settee in her private sitting room, her arms wrapped around her knees. Questions churned through her brain. She had to give Nikolas credit for finding a way to surprise her. Nothing else would have attained quite this level of mockery and malice. He was trying to make her believe he cared for her, and then he would scorn and humiliate her. What a diabolical mind he had!