Perfection (Neighbor from Hell #2)(4)

"What the f**k?" he mumbled when he saw the mud all over his newly tiled hallway floor. Had he done that? His eyes darted to the ugly ass welcome mat his tenant had placed near the front door and felt his lips pull up into a shit eating grin. A few more weeks and he'd have the damn thing completely covered.

He made his way towards the basement door, wondering why the hell she'd bought the damn thing. The inbred looking dogs with buggy eyes gave him the f**king creeps. A few weeks ago he threw the damn thing in the trash and replaced it with a Yankees floor mat only to have his aunt toss his floor mat away and return that hideous f**king thing. It didn't matter that he owned the house. His aunt thought the mat was "cute" and it was staying or she would never cook for him again.

He was really starting to get sick of women trying to control him through food. Not that he was going to bitch and risk losing out on his aunt's chicken pot pie, he wasn't a f**king moron after all, but it would be nice if women would stop using his weakness against him. The Bradford appetite was a disability, damn it and should be treated as such.

It seemed that every girlfriend he'd ever had from Jenny in the fifth grade to whatever the hell her name was last year all tried to control him with food once they discovered that it was his weakness. Although, he could forgive Jenny for bribing him with candy bars to beat the shit out of her brothers, they were ass**les after all, but the rest of them truly pissed him off.

Not that he could fault them for wanting to marry him, he couldn't. He was a Bradford after all, but he didn't appreciate their f**king games. How many times had a woman hinted at marriage while she held a casserole under his nose or woke him up with breakfast in bed, musing how nice it would be to do that for him every day? Then when he didn't drop down on one knee and propose they'd withhold all those tasty treats they'd promised him. When a woman started the marriage bullshit he sat them down and explained that they didn't quite live up to his standards, which for some reason always earned him a slap and a denial for more delicious tasty treats.

When he got married, and he would one day, it would be to his perfect woman, the woman who met each and every one of his requirements. So far no woman had come close.

His perfect woman would be the best cook. She'd be able to whip him up a cake at a moment's notice and would never deny him any of her delicious treats no matter how badly he pissed her off, and he probably would, every day. She'd also be tall, hot, and have a body that left him panting for more.

She'd also have to be financially well off. Not that he minded supporting his wife, he wouldn't. He just didn't want a woman too dependent or needy. He wasn't interested in being anyone's sugar daddy. He wanted a wife that could function completely without him and wouldn't give a damn when he made last minute plans to go to New Hampshire for some fishing or decided to stay out late with the guys. She'd have to come from a big family so she wouldn't rely on him too much and so she'd have someone to bitch to at the end of the day and leave him the hell alone.

His stomach rumbled loudly, reminding him that he needed to move his ass. He made his way to the laundry room and dropped his bag by the machine and ran his fingers through his damp hair to push it out of his eyes. That reminded him that he needed a haircut. If he didn't get held over tomorrow night, which wasn't looking very likely since they were trying to bust their asses to complete the Madison project, he'd swing by Henry's and get his customary cut.

After dropping his quarters in the machine he removed the basket left on top of the washer, not really giving it much thought, and went to pick up his bag of clothes only to realize that he was out of laundry soap and would have to pick some up tonight. He really didn't feel like staying up half the night doing laundry since he had to be up by six in the morning and have his ass at work by seven.

With a shrug he grabbed the laundry soap out of the basket, figuring that she'd never miss it and quickly poured the soap into the washing machine.

"Oops," he sighed when he realized that was the last of it. With a careless shrug he tossed the now empty container back on the basket, making a mental note to pick up another bottle for her at the grocery store.

He quickly dumped his clothes into the washing machine, not bothering to let it suds up since he was so damn hungry and made his way back upstairs just as his neighbor was stepping out of her apartment with a handful of clothes.

"How's it going?" he said, heading for his door and not really in the mood to speak with her. Not that he was a snob, he wasn't. He just didn't like to deal with tenants. That's why he had his aunt deal with all their bullshit. He owned four apartment houses and only made an appearance when something needed to be fixed or he found out one of them was giving his aunt shit.

When he bought this place he'd planned on leaving the second unit empty until he found some time to remodel it, but after his aunt suggested that one of his pain in the ass cousins should move in, he'd decided damn quickly to rent it out. He'd given his aunt a list of strict rules and this woman was the only one who'd been willing to agree to them.

From what he heard a lot of the people that looked at the place bitched and whined over his list, but he didn't give a f**k. This was his house and he wasn't about to put up with any bullshit. If they wanted to have their friends over at all hours of the night, have parties, or blast their music then they could keep f**king walking, because he wasn't having it. After working a twelve hour day all he wanted to do was come home to a nice quiet house and relax.