Pelican Court (Cedar Cove #3)(75)

“Sorry,” she whispered, and laid her head back on the pillow. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I slept,” he said incredulously.

“So did Katie.” They stared at each other; neither seemed capable of moving. They’d only spent one night together, the night she’d conceived Katie, and that seemed a lifetime ago now. Maryellen had made so many mistakes in this relationship. But he’d proved to be a wonderful father to Katie and an invaluable help to Maryellen.

They’d kissed several times, and with those kisses she’d tried to tell him how much she’d learned to appreciate him—and, yes, love him—but in each instance, she’d come away hurt and disappointed. She so badly wanted to kiss him now….

“Jon.” Her voice was the slightest whisper.

“Shh.” He moved his head closer to hers and she slowly edged toward him.

Soon their lips met in a soft kiss. After a moment, Jon reluctantly eased his mouth from hers. He gazed at her, eyes narrowed, as if he wasn’t sure he should continue. As if he sought her permission…

Maryellen brought her lips back to his. She’d practically thrown herself at him after Christmas, and he’d rejected her. Her heart would break if he spurned her again.

She needn’t have worried. They kissed a second time, their mouths straining while they tore at each other’s clothes. Maryellen’s nightgown was easy to slip off. Jon, however, had remained fully clothed. While he unbuttoned his shirt, Maryellen heard Katie in the other room.

Jon froze.

Maryellen, too. “I’ll see if I can get her back to sleep.” Sometimes, if she gave Katie her pacifier, the baby would sleep for a few more minutes. Maryellen prayed she could convince their daughter to give her parents this rare opportunity.

As quickly and quietly as possible, Maryellen threw on her nightgown and tiptoed into Katie’s room. Sure enough, as soon as she had her pacifier, Katie closed her eyes. Maryellen remained by her side and patted her back. All the while, she prayed the mood between her and Jon hadn’t been destroyed. She so badly wanted to make love with him.

When she returned to the bedroom, Maryellen knew it was too late. Jon sat on the side of the bed, his back rigid as he faced the wall.

“Katie’s asleep,” she whispered.

He didn’t respond.

Kneeling on the bed, she moved behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She kissed his neck, then ran her tongue over his earlobe and felt a shiver race through him.

Jon took her hand and kissed her palm. “It’s a good thing Katie woke up when she did.”

“She’s asleep, Jon,” Maryellen said.

“It isn’t a good idea for us to get involved sexually,” he whispered. He got up abruptly and turned to face her.

Maryellen sank back on her heels, humiliated beyond words by his rejection.

“It would be the easiest thing in the world to make love to you now, but I’m not going to do it. The truth is, I don’t trust you. You’ve lied to me once. You tried to keep my daughter from me—”

“That was before—”

“Before what?” he demanded.

Before I realized I could trust you, before I realized I love you. But she dared not tell him that.

“I explained why I behaved the way I did,” she said, and kept her head lowered, unable to meet his gaze. “I was as honest as I knew how to be.”

He didn’t say anything for a long moment. “I want to be honest with you, too, Maryellen.” His voice throbbed with sincerity.

Hope flared in her and she raised her eyes. He stood with his fists clenched at his sides, his face hard. “I don’t trust you—or myself. I can’t.”

“Why can’t you?” she pleaded. She could see the war that raged inside him. He longed to trust her, yearned to release the burden that weighed him down. She wondered why this burden, whatever it was, hadn’t troubled him a year earlier, when he’d made love to her. The reason suddenly occurred to her.

“Jon,” she whispered, and somehow managed to blurt out the question. “Are you married?”

“Is that what you think?”

“I don’t know what to think,” she cried.

Her raised voice must have startled Katie, whose loud wail shattered the tense moment.

“I’ll get her,” Maryellen said, hurrying into the nursery. She picked up the baby and changed her diaper. Katie was in much better spirits, almost back to normal, which was encouraging.

When Maryellen returned to the bedroom, Jon had disappeared. She looked out the living room window just in time to see his car turn the corner. Judging by the way he drove, he couldn’t get away from her fast enough.

Rosie watched Allison tackle a thick stack of pancakes at the Pancake Palace. As if aware of her mother’s scrutiny, Allison glanced up and smiled. This was a chance for them to talk privately. Zach was off with Eddie on a father-son Boy Scout event and he’d suggested Rosie take Allison to dinner. It’d been a good idea.

At the time of the divorce, Rosie had thought she’d never have anything to do with Zach again. She’d known they’d have to cooperate on practical matters, but beyond that, she’d figured their relationship was over. Things had turned out differently than she’d expected. These days, they talked frequently; in fact, they were much happier divorced. It pained her to admit that, but it was true.