Pelican Court (Cedar Cove #3)(24)

Grace reached inside her purse for the envelope and handed it across the desk to Roy. “No one else has read this. Not even my daughters.”

“What about Sheriff Davis?” Roy asked.

“I…I think he might’ve started reading it and then realized it was personal, and out of respect for Dan and me, he…” She paused, then shook her head. “I don’t know if he read it or not. I doubt it.”

Roy slid the letter out of the envelope. The writing in the first few lines was even and precise, as though Dan had carefully considered each word. Halfway down the second page the writing grew large, slanting downward. At the bottom, where Dan had signed his name, it was barely legible.

Roy turned back to the first page and began to read. Dan Sherman apologized to his wife for killing himself, and for the hell he’d put her through during their marriage.

Then Dan relayed the details of an incident that had happened in Vietnam when he’d walked into a village and killed a woman and her child. He’d mowed them down with bullets, murdered them out of instinctive fear. In the desperation of a young man willing to do anything to get out of the war alive, he’d killed innocents. Others had, too. How many had died in the village that day might never be known.

When he’d finished, Roy looked up and discovered Grace staring into the distance. She was pale but seemed composed.

“Dan was never the same after he came back from the war,” she said in a hoarse whisper. “Now I know why.”

“It was a long time ago,” Roy said reassuringly. Regret tightened his chest. He’d been a nineteen-year-old kid when he’d arrived in Vietnam. Thankfully he’d never been faced with the kind of situation Dan Sherman had found himself in.

Dan hadn’t indicated the number of people killed, but it appeared to have been a free-for-all. “The shooting just never seemed to stop,” he’d written. He’d lived with that guilt all these years. Sometime back, Roy remembered reading that as many Vietnam vets had died by their own hand in the years that followed as were lost in the war. The causes were varied, although plainly it was guilt that had driven Dan to such drastic action.

“Was this incident ever reported?” he asked.

“Reported?” Grace repeated. “That I wouldn’t know, but I doubt it.”

“What would you like me to do?”

“That’s just it. I…I don’t know what should be done with this information.” She studied him, clearly hoping he’d offer a solution. He had none to give her.

“Should I hand the letter over to the army brass and let them deal with it?” she asked.

He didn’t respond, merely raising one shoulder in a shrug.

“Or should I give it to Sheriff Davis and leave it up to him?” Her voice rose in agitation. “Here’s an idea,” she cried. “Maybe I should put the letter away and pretend I never read it. Better yet, I should destroy it completely.”

Roy understood her dilemma, and didn’t envy her. “I can’t tell you what to do, Grace.”

“Dan didn’t want Maryellen or Kelly to know. They’ve just buried their father. That was hard enough without asking them to deal with this, too.”

Roy agreed, but unfortunately this was a decision Grace had to make on her own.

“It happened almost forty years ago. It was a horrible time in our country’s history. We sacrificed fifty thousand men…. No one wants to uncover another My Lai.” She shook her head. “He didn’t say how many others were involved.” Her voice was soft, and Roy had to strain to hear. “I want to know what’s happened to the other men in the patrol. How have they managed to live with what they did? Have their lives been a living hell, too?” Her voice throbbed with emotion. “Did they walk the floors at night the way my husband did? Have their souls been tormented?” Her eyes held his. “Tell me what to do, Roy. You’re the only one I can ask. You’re the only one I trust enough to point me in the right direction.”

Roy leaned toward her. He wished he could supply the answer, but he couldn’t. From the dark circles under her eyes, he knew she’d been tormented by the responsibility Dan had imposed on her.

“It’s as though he couldn’t deal with it any longer and he laid the problem at my feet.” Her words confirmed his own feeling about the situation.

“For weeks—ever since Dan was found—I couldn’t sleep. I thought it was because of…something else, and it was better for a while, but it’s begun again. The insomnia.”

So she was the one walking the floors now.

“I’ve always been an easygoing sort of person, but lately…lately I’ve been depressed.”

“Have you been to see a physician?” he asked.

“What am I supposed to tell a doctor? That my husband was a mass murderer who recently committed suicide? Oh, by the way, this murder happened thirty-six years ago and has the potential to tear our country apart all over again?”

Roy sighed. She had a point. “Like I said, Grace, I can’t advise you what to do.”

“What if I decide to destroy the letter? The only people who’ll ever know what it said are you and me.” She challenged him with a narrowed look.

“Then so be it.”

“That’s not what I came to hear.”