Owning Violet (The Fowler Sisters #1)(43)
But now, I couldn’t care less. Yes, I’m admiring the gowns. It’s a varied collection of frothy and fairy tale–like to sleek and sophisticated. Every single model’s face is stunning, and that’s because they’re all wearing Fleur cosmetics. I’m proud of our latest collaboration, something Fleur is known for in the beauty industry. The party so far is a huge success, professionally because the buzz is so positive and personally because I’ve managed to avoid Zachary the entire evening.
He has Pilar to distract him so for once, I’m actually thankful for her presence. Doesn’t mean I like her, though. Oh, no. I can’t stand the woman. How proprietarily she’d treated Ryder yesterday when she pounded on his door. Disrupting what had been the most scandalous yet sexiest lunch of my entire life.
My skin flushes hot just thinking about it. About him.
I haven’t seen much of Ryder since our lunch and that’s probably best. I need the distance. It’s a reminder that what we’re engaging in isn’t a relationship. Not even what I would define as dating. We’re fooling around secretively. I’m letting him tie me up and go down on me in his office. Talk about sordid. I should be ashamed of myself.
But I’m not. In fact, I can’t wait to do it again.
“God, this is boring.”
I turn to see that Lily is standing beside me, clutching an ever-present cocktail in her hand, with a detached expression on her otherwise gorgeous face. I’m envious of both of my sisters’ good looks. I always feel like I got the short end of the stick with my boring brown hair and eyes. Whereas Lily has all of this wavy, golden-brown hair that she on occasion colors bright blond, though currently it’s the most natural I’ve seen it in a long time. And then there’s angel-faced Rose, who everyone thinks looks like she walked straight out of a Botticelli painting.
I’ve always felt like I couldn’t measure up.
“It’s not that bad,” I chastise. I’m always chastising her. But she’s always complaining, so I have to say something to make her stop. Sometimes I feel like her mother. I’m sure she just adores that.
It’s nice having her here tonight. She’s been talking to Father lately, trying to get back into his good graces. Rose is out of town so he decided Lily could come in her place, all contingent on her behaving properly—his words.
Meaning he needs me to babysit my big sister and make sure she doesn’t do anything outrageous. Not that he asked me to, but I know what’s expected.
“It’s dreadful.” She sips from her glass, her hazel eyes scanning the room. “All of these pretty girls in wedding dresses. Makes me want to break into hives.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m allergic to weddings. Marriage.” She mock shivers. “It’s the devil’s work.”
She thinks everything that’s traditional and normal is the devil’s work. She’d rather have four men on a string and endless parties to go to every night than one steady guy to spend quiet evenings with at home. She used to have a drug problem. I sometimes wonder if she still does.
“Not everyone is like you,” I tell her. “There’s nothing wrong with marriage. It’s just that so many people go into it not knowing what to expect. Or not knowing exactly who they’re married to, you know?”
“Hmm, like you would’ve been if you’d married that * you were dating?”
I gape at my older sister, wondering how she heard about it. We talked maybe a week ago, right before Zachary and I split.
She shrugs when I don’t say anything. “Rose told me. So did Daddy.”
God. She calls him Daddy, too. Why am I the only one who has a problem with that? With him? I haven’t talked to him in a while. He never even called me to express his opinion over my breakup with Zachary. Which is so unlike him. He’s usually meddling in my business, especially when it comes to Zachary. “I don’t even know how he found out.”
“Zachary came to him, of course.” Lily rolls her eyes, then drains the rest of her glass, jiggling the ice that’s left inside it. I continue to gape at her. I can’t believe Zachary went to my father. But then again, I can. “He wanted Daddy to talk to you and convince you that staying with him was the best thing.”
I let out a little snort that makes Lily laugh. “He actually told you that?”
“Rose filled me in on that part.” Lily patted my arm. “You did good, dumping that guy. He was never good enough for you.”
I absorb her words, wondering how much I really believe in them. Zachary Lawrence looks fabulous on paper. Any woman would want him, including me at one point. I put up with a ton of his crap, including his chronic cheating. Oh, he hid it well at first and I was clueless. But with confidence comes arrogance and eventually the man became sloppy, leaving clues everywhere. I just turned a blind eye to it all.
Eventually, this made me feel like a doormat and I had no one to blame but myself. I was a pathetic, useless doormat of a woman and I hated it. Still don’t quite understand how I dealt with him for so long.
But there are some things we just can’t question, not while we’re still too close to them.
“I need to focus on work,” I tell Lily firmly. “And me.” I think of Ryder. How he’d brought me to orgasm so easily yesterday afternoon. My skin heats at the memories and I scan the room yet again, searching for him. I know he said he’d be here and I believe him, but I haven’t spotted him yet.