One Tiny Lie (Ten Tiny Breaths #2)(40)

Moreover, I can’t shake the way I’ve felt since he said them. Or even the way he made me feel the entire night. I can’t articulate what that feeling is; I just know that it wasn’t there before. And it’s still here now, even though I’m sober.

I’m attracted to Ashton Henley. There. I’ve admitted it. Not to him or Reagan or anyone else, but I may as well admit it to myself and learn to deal with it. I’m attracted to my drunken one-night stand, who also happens to be an unavailable whore and my kind-of boyfriend’s roommate and best friend. Wait. Is he available? He never answered my question. But I guess a whore is always available, so it’s a moot point.

Lying here, staring up at my ceiling, I have sorted out one thing, though. My body is staging a mutiny over my mind and my heart, and consuming alcohol is like handing it a set of knives.

Reagan’s moans interrupt my silent berating. “Jack bad . . .” As usual, she didn’t pace herself, matching Grant drink for drink. Grant, who has at least a hundred pounds on her. “I feel like a horse’s ass. I’m never drinking again.”

“Didn’t you say that last time?” I remind her wryly.

“Hush now. Be a good roomie and support my self-deception.”

I don’t feel much better, truth be told. “Alcohol really is the devil, isn’t it?” My fanatical Aunt Darla may not be so crazy after all.

“And yet it makes the nights so much fun.”

“We don’t need alcohol to have fun, Reagan.”

“You sound like an after-school special.”

I groan. “Come on. We should probably get to class.”

“Uh . . . which one?”

Rolling my head to the side, I can see that the red digital clock on the dresser reads one p.m. “Shit!”

“Still angry with me, Livie?” Dr. Stayner asks in that smooth, unperturbed way of his.

I kick a loose stone as I make my way to my train. “I’m not sure yet. Maybe.” That’s a lie. I know that I’m not. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t be again by the time I hang up the phone.

“You never could hold a grudge . . .” Kacey was right. He can read minds. “How are you?”

“I skipped class yesterday,” I admit, adding dryly, “Doesn’t sound like part of my autopilot master plan, does it?”

“Hmm . . . interesting.”

“Well.” I roll my eyes and confess, “not really. I slept in. It wasn’t intentional.”

He chuckles. “And how do you feel, now that it happened?”

I frown. “Strangely, okay.” Twenty-four hours after a mini meltdown—one where I texted my lab partner in a panic and he assured me at least five times that the prof didn’t notice that I was missing and that I could borrow his notes—I’m oddly unbothered.

“You mean, like missing a class is not the end of the world?” There’s a soft chuckle again.

I smile into the phone, defeated by his ease. “Maybe not.”

“Good, Livie. I’m glad that you will survive this heinous offense. And how was your first day of volunteering at the hospital?” I catch the shift in his inflection. I recognize it well. It’s the one where he already knows the answer but is asking me anyway.

“Livie? You there?”

“It was good. The kids are sweet. Thanks for setting it up.”

“Of course, Livie. I’m a firm believer in gaining experience where you can.”

“Even if I don’t belong there?” I retort, my words laced with bitterness.

“I never said that, Livie, and you know that.”

There’s a long pause and then I blurt out, “It was hard.” He waits silently for me to elaborate. “It was harder than I thought it would be.”

He seems to know exactly what I mean without me saying it. “Yes, Livie. It’s hard for grumpy old men like me to walk those halls. I knew it would be especially tough on you, given your nurturing spirit.”

“It will get better, though, won’t it? I mean,” I say as I dodge a woman who’s stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, looking confused, “I won’t feel so . . . sad every day that I’m there, will I? I’ll get used to it?”

“Maybe not, Livie. Hopefully, yes. But if it doesn’t get easier, and if you decide that you want to head in a different path, find another way to help children, that’s okay too. You’re not failing anyone by changing your mind.”

I chew the inside of my mouth as I consider that. I have no intention of changing anything and it’s not as if he’s encouraging me to give up. I know that. It’s almost as if he’s giving me permission, if I should so choose. Which I’m not doing.

“Now tell me what’s going on with these boys who are chasing you.”

Boys? Plural? My eyes narrow as I glance around, surveying the people in the area. “Are you following me?”

I have to wait a good ten seconds for him to stop howling with laughter before I can continue. I know what I want to ask him, but now that I’m talking to him, I feel stupid. Should I be asking the renowned PTSD therapist about something so trivial? So girly? I can hear Dr. Stayner sipping something on the other end of the phone as he waits quietly. “How do you know when a guy likes you? I mean, really likes you? Not just . . .” I swallow as my cheeks redden. I might start to choke on my words soon. “Not just in a physical way?”