Once Bitten (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #1)(34)

A nervous sweat trickled down my spine, and I swallowed hard. Yeah, I was aware of the attraction between us. It was mutual on many levels. But, I was in no way ready for his confession. My heart pounded in my ears.

“I don’t know what to say,” I admitted.

“Don’t say anything.”

“I have to. I have to make this right. Or, is it too late for that?”

“What can you do, Alexa? Turn back time? I can’t expect you to cater to my needs. You are your own woman.”

The way he looked at me when he said that made me feel tainted, like damaged goods. My head ached in confusion, and I hugged myself tightly.

“I f**ked up, Shaz. That’s all I know. I don’t know how to make it better. I don’t even think it’s possible. And now everything is all messed up, and I regret my stupid decision for so many reasons.”

I blinked back tears, fearing they would be red. My eyes had been brown when I had crawled into bed, but the worry gripped me just the same.

“Is it because you made a mistake or because I found out about it?” He asked, knowing the answer already.

“Both.” I was honest. “The last thing I want is to hurt you.” I silently fumed at Arys. He had known damn well that I didn’t want Shaz to find out, particularly not from him.

“It’s not my place to be hurt. I feel like I’m over reacting by being as upset about it as I am.”

“No, Shaz. You’re entitled to your feelings. There is no sense in denying them.”

The small car felt huge all of a sudden. The space between us felt like a canyon opening up, dividing us. The air felt fuzzy, and I needed to open the window to allow in a fresh breeze.

The sun broke on the horizon. We were awash in an orange glow, but the magnificence was lost on us as we both looked inward to personal wounds.

That moment cut deep. I had done something that could never be undone, and I may have effectively killed anything bigger between Shaz and me. I looked at him.

Sadly, I couldn’t recall the last time that I had been in his arms. We had been so close. We had once touched one another with a familiarity and comfort reserved for lovers, though we never had been intimate.

When did it stop? I couldn’t remember, and I felt all the sadder. I did this to us.

I felt sick with fear. Surely, he could smell it on my skin. Everything in me told me not to try, but I couldn’t deny the sudden need to touch him, to feel his warmth and gain comfort from it. Selfishly, I needed to know we were ok.

He turned to look at me when my fingers brushed his, but he didn’t pull away like I expected.

“Alexa, I can’t…”

“Please, don’t say it.” I heard the tears in my voice. I couldn’t hold them back. When they fell, they were just tears, crystal clear.

With a tender touch, he wiped each one away as it fell. He said nothing. He simply allowed me to release my guilt and sorrow with each wracking sob. Drawing me close, he stroked my hair.

“Tell me we’re ok” I whispered as desperation seized me. “Can you promise we’re ok?”

A deep sigh escaped him, and he slumped against me. Who was I to weep like the victim when I was the victimizer? He owed me nothing. But, what he gave me was worth everything.

“We’re ok.”

Chapter Eleven

I stared at Arys’s house for a really long time before I got out of the Charger. I easily imagined striding up the walk and ringing the bell, but doing it was a whole lot tougher. The sun had just disappeared from the western sky. Only a pale glow remained at the start of another perfect summer night. I planned to catch him here before he left for the evening.

I was on my way to talk to Veryl and meet a new client about a potential job. I didn’t have time to run around town right now. But, I needed to see Arys. A glance at the dash clock told me I should hurry, but I still had time. Or did I? Maybe I should just go to work and deal with this later. Duty called.

No. I was being cowardly, and thankfully, nobody was there to see it. My heart pounded from the anxiety, and a cold sweat broke over me. I stepped out of the car and steeled myself against the power inside me. It recognized his presence. I could feel him within the walls of the house. The little hairs on my arms stood on end, and I wished I’d brought a sweater to throw over my tank top. Dread settled in the pit of my stomach.

I rang the bell but got no response, and I wondered if he was trying to get rid of me. The door swung open suddenly, catching me off guard.

“Back for more, Alexa?” He greeted me with a big shit-eating grin plastered on his handsome face. His dark hair was wet and messy. He wore only jeans. I hoped that I wasn’t gawking openly as I imagined running my hands over his hard, bare chest.

“Hardly,” I managed to say despite the aching inside me. In that moment, I wanted to spill blood, his and mine, to bask in all of our power, to reach the heights that we hadn’t yet dreamed possible. I went to take my first step towards him but snapped back to myself. I gave myself a shake to clear my head.

“Would you like to come in? I didn’t really take the time to give you the grand tour during your last visit. I just had the place redecorated last month.” His midnight ocean eyes spoke volumes. He made no attempt to hide his lust as he ogled me from head to toe and back up again.

Something didn’t feel right. The air buzzed with our power, anticipating.