Off the Record (Record #1)(97)

“Good night, Liz,” he said, running his thumb across her knuckles.

“Good…good night,” she whispered.

He smiled down at her once before departing, and Liz released the breath she had been holding.

She liked Hayden. She had liked him for a long time. But she had thought that with Brady consuming her thoughts, her old affections for him wouldn’t resurface so easily. And now that she had these feelings bubbling up inside of her, she was torn. She wanted Brady to give her all the things Hayden had given her here in D.C. No matter what Liz felt about this weekend, she knew that it had opened her eyes to what she was missing with Brady.

The drive back to Chapel Hill felt twice as long as the drive to D.C. Alone in her car, Liz had too much time to think, and her conflicted heart weighed on her. She was having a hard time discerning all of the emotions crashing against her like waves. Half of the drive she felt as if she were drowning.

She didn’t know what she felt for Hayden. She knew she felt something, but what had once been so clear was all blurry.

And on top of everything, laced into every breath, she felt guilt. She felt it take root in her body the longer she drove.

Did I cheat? she wondered, the word tasting like bile in her mouth.

She didn’t know what to do. Brady loved her. He wouldn’t tell her and they couldn’t be public, but he loved her nonetheless. Not to mention he had made his feelings about another guy being near her perfectly clear.

Still, it had felt nice, even right sometimes, to be with Hayden—being out in public, hanging out, laughing, walking around—the list was endless. Those things felt perfectly right in a way that she had never felt with Brady.

Liz pulled up to her house a couple hours later. She was just happy to be home, and maybe here she could figure out what was warring inside her.

Made it safe, she jotted off a text to Hayden.

The response was nearly instantaneous.

Good. Thanks for coming up this weekend. Can’t wait to see you again when school starts.

Liz grumbled under her breath and tossed the phone back into her purse. A couple months ago she would have been jumping up and down for Hayden to respond so enthusiastically toward her, but now…

Well, now she was trying to figure out what to do about Brady Maxwell.

Victoria was lounging on the couch when Liz walked inside. She flipped over onto her stomach and propped her head on her hands.

“Hey, bitch! How was your trip? Did you have sex with your Hayden Lane?” she asked all at once.

“Nice to see you, too,” Liz said, tossing her bag on the floor and collapsing into a chair. “And no, I didn’t have sex with Hayden. I’m not you.”

“Ugh!” Victoria grumbled, flipping back over. “You’re no fun!”

Liz sighed. She wished she could tell Victoria everything that had happened all summer. She didn’t particularly like keeping things from her friend to begin with, but this was huge. This was like the Eiffel Tower of secrets…well, as far as secrets went for Liz.

Brady had taken over her life. He had changed her, and Liz was pretty certain that it was for the better. Their relationship was founded on hiding and secrets, yet at its core, she found only truth. And still it wasn’t enough.

With Hayden, she had the exact opposite. They were completely free to be open, he told all of his friends about her, and he seemed completely attentive. But he wasn’t Brady, and she couldn’t ever tell him about Brady.

Her eyes were suddenly cloudy with tears, because she knew then that in her heart what she really wanted was Brady. It had to be Brady. And yet…he couldn’t give her what she needed.

She could tell him how she felt, but it didn’t feel like enough. He had made it clear from day one that it was the campaign over her. It didn’t seem to matter to him that he loved her. He stood up for her against Heather and Elliott, but just so that he and Liz could keep doing what they were doing. And that wasn’t going to change.

“Vic,” Liz croaked, closing her eyes against the tears.

“What’s wrong?” Victoria asked. Liz opened her eyes to find Victoria kneeling in front of her. “Are you okay?”

She shook her head, wishing she could let it all out. Hiding things was too hard.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Victoria brushed Liz’s hair off of her face and rubbed her shoulder.

“I don’t know,” she muttered.

“Come sit on the couch with me,” Victoria said, taking her hand and guiding her to the sofa.

Liz flopped down and pulled her knees up to her chest. She felt ridiculous crying over this. She didn’t like to cry at all, and now she was crying over a guy? Ugh! She wanted to tell herself to get it together, but it wasn’t working. Maybe just today she would let herself feel the pain that she was experiencing over falling for the wrong guy.

“So, tell me,” Victoria said, wrapping an arm across Liz’s shoulders. “What happened?”

“He kissed me,” Liz sputtered out.

Victoria stiffened and Liz glanced up at her. She had an amused expression on her face. “You’re crying because Hayden kissed you?”

“Ugh! No!” she cried, shaking her head. “I can’t even right now, Vic.”

“Liz, come on. Didn’t you want Hayden to kiss you? I’m confused.”