Off Base(27)

She could see he wanted to believe her—wanted to let her absolve him—but wasn’t quite ready. “Is this why you left with me tonight? Were you feeling bad for me?”

Why would that upset him? “That was part of it.”

Beck looked away. “The first time you came to me, you felt bad because I had no one to welcome me home. After dinner at your father’s…” His laughter was strained. “I was ready to beg for you that night, Kenna. We both knew how much pain I was in to be inside your body.”

“I don’t understand where this is going.”

He moved. Before she could blink, Beck was right in front of her, water lapping against his shoulders. Kenna’s pulse skittered in her veins as heat exploded between them. “Are you here with me because you want to nurture me? Or because you feel better when I’m close?” He dipped his head, granting her mouth the barest of contact. “And because you want this dick.”

Kenna bit back a whimper. “I’m not a nurturer. You have the wrong girl if you think that.”

He shook his head, dragging his lips across hers. “I call it like I see it. You might have done a damn fine job hiding it, but I see right through you.”

“I’m here because I feel better when you’re close,” she blurted in a furious whisper, scared that if he continued his thought, she’d have to acknowledge the truth behind his words.

Her rushed admission drew different reactions from each of them. Beck looked relieved while Kenna knew shock coated her expression. Had she actually admitted that out loud?

“Let’s hear the rest, Kenna.”

Mist from the hot water bathed her lips and she licked it off, giving herself time to calm her out-of-control heartbeat. It didn’t work. She pressed her forehead to his shoulder. “I’m here because I want your dick.”

Beck growled, his tongue traced a path over her ear. “You’re going to get it soon enough.”

She had no time to brace herself before he sank back into the water, putting space between them once again. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

The obvious misery on Beck’s face made her feel only marginally better. “Why did I get the feeling you weren’t welcome in your father’s house?” A muscle in his cheek ticked. “I didn’t like it.”

The change of topic had her head spinning. “Wait. What?” Hadn’t they been talking about his dick seconds ago? “This is what you wanted to talk about?”

He nodded once. “Among other things.”

She wanted to blow off the line of questioning, but a glance toward the pool had her remembering all the times she’d woken up at the crack of dawn to drive her father to physical therapy. Half the time, she’d passed out on one of the leather benches until he’d finished swimming and wanted to leave, but it had made her feel useful. Like she’d made a difference in his recovery. “I’m welcome there. I just…” I’ve served my purpose. “You don’t know what I was like before. It’s a wonder they’ll bring me around polite company at all.” When Beck only watched her with quiet patience, she sliced a hand through the water. “Aren’t you going to ask me what I was like before?”

“I don’t care about before. I care about now.”

Kenna stared. “Why do you care at all, Beck? Shouldn’t it tell you something that my own parents have moved on and done their best to forget the portion of their life that includes me? They would erase me if they could. I’m a necessary evil to them.”

“No.” His harsh tone brought to mind the metal she worked with. “I don’t believe that.”

“You probably believe there’s good in everyone,” she continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “That’s you. Discarding people is a foreign idea when you’re a big, fat war hero.”

“I’m no hero, Kenna.”

She scoffed. “I’ve been here a long time. I can separate out the good men, and you’re one of them. It’s why you can’t just let me go.”

He didn’t look happy. At all. “Explain that statement.”

Fear dripped slowly into her chest. Fear that once she outlined the reality for him, he’d see the truth in her explanation and bail. “My mother trapped my father into marriage by getting pregnant. She worked herself to the bone trying to earn his love and it never happened. Never. He doesn’t have it in him to love someone. His relationship with Tina is all about convenience.” She sucked in a breath. “I represent failure to both of them. My mom thought I could fix what was broken in my father, and I couldn’t. My father sees me as a product of his one and only f*ck-up. Now he only makes room for me in his life when it’s convenient.” Her laughter held no trace of humor. “And yet, here I am. Living within walking distance of them both, wondering when I’ll see them next, like some masochist. The truth is, they found something better.”

“You’re not a masochist. You want them to love you the same way you love them.” Kenna didn’t realize he’d come closer until he cupped the side of her face. “You still haven’t explained why I can’t let you go.”

Common sense commanded she push him away. This closeness was too personal and he saw too much, but she couldn’t move under the intensity of his focus on her. It surrounded her like a hot whirlpool. “There are a few reasons.”