November 9(50)

I put my arms around her and she begins to cry into my shirt. I had no idea she didn’t want to move back in with her mother. I wonder if Ben is even aware of that.

“Jordyn.”

We both look up when Ben calls her name. He’s standing in the doorway to the kitchen with a distraught look on his face. When she looks up at him, she starts crying even harder. He walks over to her and puts his arms around her, so I stand up and walk around the bar, giving them space.

“You aren’t going anywhere, okay?” he says. “You’re my sister. You’re Ian’s sister. And our nephew will be raised in the home that you and Kyle planned for him to be raised in.” He pulls back and brushes the hair out of her face. “Promise me you’ll let us help you.”

She nods, wiping more tears away. She can barely get out the words thank you between sobs.

I can’t watch her cry anymore. I’m on the verge of tears myself just knowing how scared she is. I rush up the stairs and back into Ben’s bedroom, where I can gather my thoughts. So many things are running through my head, most of them fears. I’m afraid he’s making a decision out of haste. I’m afraid if I tell him how much I wish he would move to New York, he would actually do it, and it’s obvious his sister-in-law needs him here. Not to mention the possibilities he’d lose by giving up on the book. I feel the more genuine the story is, the better chance he’ll have of selling the book. Yes, I would love to start a real relationship right now, but that’s not what we agreed on in the beginning. If we just up and end our arrangement in the middle without continuing to meet up on November 9th, he’ll be giving up on what his agent obviously thought would make a great book.

I can’t believe he has an agent.

That’s huge, and I don’t know why he didn’t tell me. As much as I want to believe he’s okay with not finishing the book, I fear that he’s making this decision based on the high emotions from the last few days. The last thing I want is for him to make a choice as big as moving across the country and then regretting it after he does it. Of course I’d give anything to have him with me every day, but even more than that I want him to be happy with whatever decision he makes. I know three years is a long time for us to wait, but those three years could make a huge difference in his success as an author. The fact that our story is true might make it appealing to readers, and even though I haven’t read any of it yet, I’m convinced he needs to finish it.

I don’t want to be the reason he doesn’t finish what he started out to do. Years from now, he’ll look back on tonight and he’ll wonder if he made the wrong choice. If maybe our lives would have still turned out the same and we would still end up together, but by waiting three years, he also would have met his goal of writing the book he promised to write.

He’s made such a huge difference in my life. More than he’ll ever know. If it weren’t for him, I don’t think I would have ever regained my confidence. I know I wouldn’t have had the courage to audition anywhere. Just having him in my life one day a year has had such a positive effect on me, I’d hate myself if I did the exact opposite for him.

And none of that includes what just transpired over the last ten minutes. There’s no way he can move to New York when his family needs him now more than ever. Jordyn is going to need him here way more than I need him in New York. He and Ian are both going to need to be here for her and I refuse to be the one to convince him to leave her at a time like this.

I grab my phone and call for a cab before I change my mind.

Ben

I close the door to Jordyn’s bedroom when I hear Fallon’s footsteps coming down the stairs. I walk around the corner to meet her and she gasps, clutching a hand to her heart.

“You scared me,” she says, taking the last step. “How is she?”

I glance down the hallway toward Jordyn’s bedroom. “Better,” I say. “I think the pizza helped.”

Fallon smiles appreciatively. “It wasn’t the pizza that made her feel better, Ben.” She takes two more steps, toward the front door this time. I finally notice the purse around her shoulder and the shoes on her feet. She looks prepared to leave.

She shuffles, putting her weight on one foot. She shrugs, as if I asked her a question, and then she looks back up at me. “Earlier . . .”

“Fallon,” I interject. “Please don’t change your mind.”

She winces, looking up and to the right as if she’s trying to hold back tears. She’s not changing her mind. She can’t. I rush toward her and grab both of her hands. “Please. We can do this. Maybe I can’t move right away, but I will. Things just need to settle around here first.”

She squeezes my hands and releases a sigh. “Jordyn said you got an agent.” Her voice sounds somewhat offended, and she has a right to be. I should have told her that before she heard it from somewhere else, but my mind has been a little preoccupied today.

I nod. “Yeah, a couple months ago. I submitted the book idea to a few and this one really likes it.” I realize where this is going, so I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter¸ Fallon. I can write something else.”

A stream of light strolls across the walls, and she glances over her shoulder. Her cab is here.

“Please,” I beg. “Just give me your phone number, at least. I’ll call you tomorrow and we’ll figure it out then, okay?” I’m trying to keep my voice soothing and hopeful, but it’s hard hiding the panic that’s building up in my chest.