Not Planning on You (Danvers #2)(41)
When the front door closed again, Gray looked down at her and closed his eyes wearily for a few moments before opening them again. “I know you’re angry and I know you aren’t going to believe me at first, but please just listen to the whole story. I promise you, baby, I haven’t cheated on you, just please listen to me.” As she started to protest, he held up his hand. “Please, if you care anything about me and us just listen to what I have to say.” He started back at the very beginning from when he’d met Suzy and how drawn he was to her. He admitted that he’d gone out with Reva just to take his mind off of her. He’d been afraid that they were never going to be together and had decided to go out with Reva after she pursued him. There were never feelings involved and it was just casual dates. When he got to the part where he slept with her one time, the only outward reaction from Suzy was the clenching of her fists.
He took a moment to catch his breath and studied Suzy’s reaction. Her eyes were carefully averted from his as she stared out the door. He continued the story telling her about breaking it off with Reva and the barrage of phone calls, texts and visits. He admitted that he’d felt guilty for letting it go that far and had been hesitant to report it to the authorities. He also ended the story telling her of his fear of her finding out and pulling away from him.
Suzy sat beside him not moving a muscle. Gray didn’t know whether to be encouraged that she’d given up trying to get away from him or scared that she seemed so lifeless. He decided to stay quiet and give her time to work everything out in her head. She sat beside him looking incredibly small and fragile in his big shirt.
Suzy’s heard was spinning and her stomach was again churning. Out of everything she’d imagined this was a scenario that had never entered her mind. It was too farfetched to be made up. It hurt that he’d kept this from her, but what truly killed her was imagining Gray with the other woman, possessing her body just as he had hers. She knew that she’d no right to feel that way, but she did. There had never been a commitment between them and there certainly wasn’t when this happened. Maybe in some part of her fantasy world, she thought Gray had been in Charleston for this past year pining over her when in reality he had been living his life which included dating and having sex with someone else.
She still couldn’t look Gray in the eyes. She knew he was waiting for her to say something and she could also feel his fear. Still looking straight ahead, she quietly asked, “Who else knows? Obviously Nick, I could see it on his face this morning, but who else?”
Gray’s voice had taken on her same low tone; as if afraid he’d frighten her away. “Yes, Nick knows and also Jason. I’m sure there are others, such as security at Mericom and at my home in Charleston. It would have been impossible to hide it from Nick and Jason with Reva making a scene at Mericom on a regular basis. Don’t be angry at either of them, they wanted you told before I went out of town.” Gray took a deep breath and continued, “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. This is exactly what I was afraid would happen and I’ve made it that much worse by letting you find out the way you did.”
As he laid a hand on her shoulder, Suzy pulled away. “I can’t talk about this right now, Gray, I need some time to think.” At his look of despair, she added, “I’m not leaving; I just have to be by myself for a while. Could you please get my crutches for me?” She could tell that he wanted to argue, but he quietly got up and retrieved her crutches from the kitchen. By the time he returned, she was standing beside the couch and she took the crutches from his hands. When she reached the bedroom door, she turned around finally facing him and said, “Please just let me have this time, I’ll come out when I’m ready. Go to work if you need to, I’ll be fine.” The door shut quietly behind her and Gray stood staring at it for a few moments before walking outside to sit on the deck.
~~~
Suzy closed the bedroom door and leaned against it studying the room. The bed was still rumpled from their night together. Who would have thought that things would fall apart so quickly? She couldn’t bear to sit there so she walked over to the chaise lounge in front of the windows and settled herself against the cushions. Where did they go from here? She could pack her bags and have Beth pick her up. It would be difficult to navigate the steps to her condo, but she was more mobile now than she’d been a few weeks ago.
If she left though, was it the official end of whatever this was that she had with Gray? Was she ready for it to be over? She couldn’t stay here with him if she felt as if he’d cheated on her. Maybe she was punishing Gray for Jeff’s sins. Although if she thought back, she’d never felt the crushing devastation that she’d felt when she read the messages on Gray’s phone. Jeff had thrown her for a major loop. Maybe one of the main reasons, though, was she just truly never thought Jeff had it in him to be anything other than a straight arrow. Did it upset her because she had been in love with him or was it more shock that he’d dared deviate from who she thought he was? All that she knew was that it didn’t hold a candle to the gut-wrenching pain of imagining a life without Gray in it.
Suddenly, a smile covered her face as she remembered a line she used to tell Claire often when she was encouraging her to get a life. ‘Put your big girl panties on.’ Well maybe it was time she took her own advice. She got up from the chaise and hobbled to the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror and wondered who the pathetic person staring back at her was. Her eyes were puffy, her hair was hanging in disarray and she was as pale as a ghost. Screw this! I refuse to be the victim again. That’s my man out there and no whack-job woman is going to ruin my life again. She thinks she’s crazy? Well she ain’t seen crazy yet, but it’s coming.