No Denying You (Danvers #5)(64)
Emma shivered, realizing that the water had grown cold. She had been so lost in thought she hadn’t noticed that almost an hour had passed. She stepped out of the bath, toweling off before grabbing her robe. In the bedroom, she dressed for comfort in a long T-shirt before sliding into bed. She was still staring at the ceiling when Brant walked in. She hadn’t protested the first night when he had stripped down to his boxers and crawled into bed, pulling her against his chest. She needed him and they both knew it.
Obviously thinking she was asleep, he crept quietly across the darkened room, going into the bathroom. She heard the shower running and a while later, the bed shifted as he settled in beside her. Without hesitation, she curled onto her side and he settled his big body around hers. “I thought you were asleep,” he murmured against her head.
Suddenly snuggling back against him with all of the unknowns between them seemed wrong. Despite her mental and physical exhaustion, she needed to know what had been going on with him for the past few weeks. Pulling away, she reached over and snapped on the bedside light. They both blinked like owls for a moment until they adjusted to the artificial glow. Brant gave her a wary look before rolling over onto his back. He ran his hand through his hair, a habit that she had come to recognize was caused by stress.
She settled back against the headboard and said, “I need to know, Brant.” He pulled himself into a sitting position beside her, not bothering to ask what she was talking about.
Without hesitating, he started to speak. “You know that Alexia and I were once engaged.” At her nod, he continued on. “When she came to see me weeks ago, I was shocked. She and I hadn’t stayed in touch at all after we parted. Alexia was very quiet and shy when we met. Her father and I were business acquaintances. We fell in love, or what I thought was love, and were soon engaged. Looking back now, I can see that she was never truly happy. Her father was very controlling, so she basically traded one prison for another one with more freedom. Things took a real nosedive when she made a new friend who was heavily into the drugs and party scene. Without betraying Alexia’s trust too heavily, I’ll just say that Alexia got involved with the wrong sorts of people and ended up using pretty heavily. She left me standing in a parking lot after dinner one night and took off. That was the last time I saw her until she showed up in my office that day.”
“My God,” Emma whispered in surprise. “She looked fine when I met her.”
“She is . . . now,” Brant agreed, “but it took her a couple of years and hitting rock bottom to get to that point. She has just recently finished a stint in a rehabilitation facility for drug abuse. The doctor who helped her get treatment is also her fiancé. She came to town to visit her parents and tell them about what had been happening with her. They really didn’t know the level of her addiction or where she had been since leaving home. I guess they didn’t take it well and were more worried about appearances than their daughter. Her fiancé, Carter, was completely against her visiting her parents and possibly seeing old friends who were bad influences this soon after treatment. They had a fight before she left and after her parents turned her away, she didn’t feel that she had anywhere else to turn. She wanted somewhere away from all of the pressure, to regroup. I think she also feared relapsing if she was left on her own for too long.”
Emma found herself running a hand through her hair in much the same nervous gesture that Brant had used earlier. His story explained why Alexia was staying with him but didn’t explain why he had been pulling away from her. She feared that there was an explanation she wasn’t going to want to hear. Choosing her words carefully, she asked, “Is she still staying with you?”
“No, I asked her to leave before I came here to you. Em . . . something happened while she was staying with me that I haven’t told you about.”
She nodded her head for him to continue, even though she wasn’t sure she wanted to know. If he had slept with Alexia, she didn’t think she could get past it . . . not now.
When he remained quiet, she prodded him softly. “Please tell me, Brant. I can’t stand not knowing.”
Clearing his throat, he said, “Remember the night I went out to dinner with her? I called you afterward. I’m sure you noticed on the phone that I’d had too much to drink.” When she agreed that she had, he continued on. “Well, the next morning she thanked me for agreeing to see if there were still romantic feelings between us. She needed to know before making a final commitment to Carter. I didn’t know what in the hell she was talking about. The only thing I remembered encouraging her to do was go back to school. I . . . just, f*ck, I panicked. When Gray needed someone to cover his travel for a while, I jumped at it. I was scared because I was falling in love with you and there she was, making me doubt myself. Making me question my feelings. I realized after you left that the only thing I was really afraid of was loving and losing you. I never felt about Alexia the way I feel about you. She simply brought all of my fears to the surface. I was terrified of making a mistake and being destroyed by it again.”
“That’s why you were pulling away from me,” Emma added. “I guess you being sick was just an excuse too. But did you sleep with her?”
“No! Hell no, I didn’t. There really wasn’t anything physical involved. The day she told me that I’d agreed to see where things went, I left town. Things with Alexia were never like they are between you and me. She isn’t someone to initiate physical contact beyond a hug.”