Never Never: Part Two (Never Never #2)(10)

I grab one of the letters Charlie’s father wrote to her and read it first.

Dear Peanut,

You remember why I call you that, right? You were so small when you were born. I’d never held a baby before you, and I remember saying to Mom, “She’s tiny, just like a little human peanut!”

I miss you, baby girl. I know this must be hard for you. Be strong for your sister and your mom. They’re not like us, and they’ll need you to figure things out for them for a while. Until I come home. Trust me, I’m working hard to get home to you guys. In the meantime, I’ve been doing a lot of reading. I even read that book you liked so much. The one with the apple on the cover. Wow! That Edward is…how did you put it…dreamy?

Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about something important. So please listen to me. I know you’ve known Silas for a very long time. He’s a good boy. I don’t blame him for what his father did. But you have to stay away from that family, Charlize. I don’t trust them. I wish I could explain everything, and I will one day. But please, stay away from the Nashes. Silas is just a pawn in his father’s game. I’m afraid they’ll use you to get to me. Promise me, Charlize, that you’ll stay away from them. I told Mom to use the money in the other account to get by for a while. If you have to, sell her rings. She won’t want to, but do it anyway.

I love you,

Dad

I read the letter twice to make sure I don’t miss anything. Whatever happened between my father and her father was serious. The man is in prison, and from reading the letter, he doesn’t think his sentence is justified. It makes me wonder if my father is really to blame.

I place the letter in a new pile to keep it separate. If I keep all the letters that could mean something in their own pile, then if we lose our memories again, we won’t have to waste time reading letters that serve no purpose.

I open up another letter that looks like it’s been read a hundred times.

Dear Charlie baby,

You get really angry when you’re hungry. You get hangry. It’s like you’re not even the same person. Can we keep granola bars in your purse or something? It’s just that I worry about my balls. The guys are starting to say I’m whipped. And I know what it looks like. I ran like young buck to get you a bucket of chicken yesterday and missed the best part of the game. I missed seeing the greatest comeback in the history of football. All because I’m scared—so in love with you. Maybe I am whipped. You looked really sexy with all that chicken grease on your face. Ripping the meat away with your teeth like a savage. God. I just want to marry you.

Never Never

Silas

I can feel a smile begin to form on my face, and I immediately shake it away. The fact that this girl is somewhere out there and has no idea who or where she is leaves no room for smiles. I grab another letter, this time wanting to read something from her to me.

Dear Silas baby,

Best. Concert. Ever. You may be cuter than Harry Styles, especially when you do that shoulder move and pretend you’re smoking a cigar. Thank you for locking us in a broom closet and then keeping your promise. I REALLY liked the broom closet. I hope we can replicate it in our house one day. Just go in there and make out while the kids nap. Except with snacks, because…hangry. Speaking of food, I have to go because the kids I’m babysitting are dumping a jar of pickles down the toilet. Oops! Maybe we should just have a dog.

Never Never,

Charlie

I like her. I even kind of like myself with her.

A dull ache begins to make its way across my chest. I rub it while staring at her handwriting. It’s familiar.

It’s sadness. I remember what it feels like to be sad.

I read another letter from me to her, hoping to gain more insight into my personality.

Charlie baby,

I missed you today more than I’ve ever missed you. It was a hard day. It’s been a hard summer, actually. The upcoming trial coupled with not being allowed to see you has officially made this the worst year of my life.

And to think it started out so good.

Remember that night I snuck in your window? I remember it vividly, but that might be because I still have it on video and I watch it every single night. But I know that whether or not I had it on video at all, I’d still remember every detail of it. It was the first time we ever spent the night together as a couple, even though I wasn’t actually supposed to be spending the night.

But waking up and seeing the sun shining through the window and across your face made it feel like a dream. Like this girl I had been holding in my arms for the past six hours wasn’t real. Because life couldn’t possibly feel as perfect and as carefree as it did in that moment.

I know you sometimes give me a hard time about how much I loved that night, but I think it’s because I never really told you why.

After you fell asleep, I moved the video camera closer to us. I wrapped my arms around you and listened to you breathe until I fell asleep.

Sometimes when I have trouble sleeping, I’ll play that video.

I know that’s weird, but that’s what you love about me. You love how much I love you. Because yes. I love you way too much. More than anyone deserves to be loved. But I can’t help it. You make normal love hard. You make me psycho-love you.

One of these days all of this mess will pass. Our families will forget how much they’ve hurt each other. They’ll see the bond we continue to have and they’ll be forced to accept it.