Never Love a Highlander (McCabe Trilogy #3)(68)

Rionna didn’t respond as she watched the emotion play out over her husband’s face. She didn’t believe for a minute he still harbored tender feelings for Elsepeth, but his past was still very much alive in his heart and mind. ’Twas like a poison he’d yet to purge from his system.

She could still see the naked pain in his eyes and his regret at all that had transpired so many years ago.

“She was a few years older than I and she had more experience. I was but a young lad and she was my first … She was my first lover. I fancied myself in love with her. I had our future all mapped out. I intended to marry her, though I had nothing in the way to offer a wife. I was the third son of a laird. We weren’t a poor clan then but we were never rich either. ’Twas my intention to go to her cousin, Duncan Cameron, and ask for her hand in marriage.”

Rionna grimaced, for even though she knew the tale, or the crux of it, the inevitable path still made her cringe.

“My father sent me, Ewan, and Alaric to barter with a neighboring clan. While we were gone, Elsepeth drugged the men and opened the gates so Cameron’s soldiers could sneak into the keep in the dead of night. ’Twas a bloodbath. Our clan was sorely outnumbered and ’twas the truth we were not as well trained then as we are now. We didn’t stand a chance.

“When my brothers and I returned, we found our father dead. Ewan’s young wife had been raped and her throat cut. Only his son survived because he was hidden by women in the keep.

“The remaining members of our clan told me of Elsepeth’s involvement, but my shame doesn’t end there.”

Rionna’s brows drew together. “What happened then?”

“I didn’t believe them,” he said in disgust. “I was presented solid evidence that my head knew had to be true but my heart told me she couldn’t have possibly betrayed me. I searched her out, determined to hear her explanation from her own lips. I was sure there had been some mistake.”

Rionna winced and blew out her breath. This part of the story she hadn’t heard before.

“When I confronted her, she laughed. She didn’t try to make up a lie. She laughed to my face and when I turned away, she drew a knife and plunged it into my back.”

“The scar above your side,” Rionna whispered.

“Aye. ’Tis not a mark I wear with pride. ’Tis a reminder of how I allowed a woman I cared for to destroy my clan.”

“Where is she now?”

“I don’t know. I care not. One day she’ll pay for her sins, just as I’ll pay for mine.”

“You don’t think you’ve made good on your mistakes?” Rionna asked. “Your clan is rebuilt, your people thrive, you’ve made an alliance that will save many from Cameron’s ruthless ambition.”

“Nothing I do will ever give me and my brothers back our father,” he said simply. “I learned a valuable lesson that day. One I’ll never turn my back on. I allowed my heart to discount evidence that my mind knew was sound. I’ll never second-guess what stares me in the face again.”

Rionna frowned and slid her hand over his chest as she snuggled into his side. He sounded so … cold. Not at all the warm, gruff warrior that she’d grown to love with all her heart.

For the first time she wondered if Elsepeth had damaged a part of him that Rionna had no hope of repairing.

Caelen closed his hand over hers and squeezed as they lay in silence. She thought on all he’d said and the more she thought on it, the more one thing didn’t make sense.

“Caelen?”

“Aye.”

“Why did Cameron attack? What was his purpose? He didn’t take over your land. He left it in ruins and returned to his own lands.”

Caelen’s chest heaved as he breathed deep. “I don’t know that. I’ve never known. ’Twas as if he was sending a message, but ’tis one I’ve never understood the meaning of. We were a clan at peace. We warred with no one. My father was not a man who condoned raiding or fighting for the sake of fighting. It sickens me that he met the end he met when he never brought harm to anyone.”

Rionna rose up on one elbow so that she could stare down at her husband. It suddenly seemed all important that she say what it was that burned on her tongue.

“I’m not Elsepeth, Caelen. I need you to know that. I’ll not ever betray you.”

He stared at her a long moment before pulling her down for a kiss. “Aye, I know it, Rionna.”

CHAPTER 28

May saw no break in the weather. Indeed, it was as if winter was making up for the mildness of January by stubbornly clinging on to spring.

Their food stores were depleted and the men hadn’t been able to hunt in an entire fortnight because of the heavy, blowing snow.

Everyone was forced indoors, hovering near the fires to keep warm. Caelen stewed with impatience, waiting a break in the weather and waiting for word from Ewan.

At the end of the third week of the month, the break finally came. A messenger arrived bearing news from Ewan that all was well at Neamh Álainn and that plans were underway to go into battle. Ewan was even now sending word to all the other lairds. The king had delivered to Ewan a contingent of soldiers, all loyal to the crown.

Much time had been lost due to the prolonged snows and bitter cold. Now Ewan was impatient to go to war, and he directed Caelen to make ready and await Ewan’s summons.