Never Been Ready (Ready #2)(39)

I held up my bags and travel tray filled with coffee. "I brought coffee and muffins. Phil says hey and that you should forgive me."

Her lip twitched as she tried to maintain her serious face.

"What kind are they?" she asked.

"Who the hell do you think I am? Do you think I would show up here with anything but double chocolate chip apology muffins?"

"All right then. You may enter," she said, her straight face turning into a grin.

Clare and I never stayed mad at each other for long. We'd had tiffs and disagreements over the years, the result of having two very different personalities, but we always managed to make up and move on quickly. We understood each other. I knew that she was kinder and gentler than me, and she recognized that I was sometimes gruff and outspoken, and I lashed out when I was hurting.

We made our way into the kitchen, and then Clare grabbed plates and napkins for our muffins.

"Where's Short Stack?" I asked, noticing how quiet the house was.

The house was never this quiet when Maddie was around. It was usually filled with the sounds of running feet, giggles, or singing.

"Um, school? It's a weekday, babe."

"Right. School. I'm still not used to that."

"You and me both. Each day when we walk her to that bus stop, I feel like it's still pretend, like we're just practicing to go to school. But nope, she's in kindergarten. She likes to remind me every day. She's very grown-up, you know," Clare said with a smile.

We silently dug into our muffins, and I laughed when Clare made a slight moan that bordered on erotic after she had taken her first bite. Clare was addicted to sweets, and chocolate was her ultimate weakness.

"Phil is the bomb. How can I get Logan to learn to bake like this?"

"Make him g*y, and name him Phil? I'm pretty sure that man is one of a kind."

Phil was a friend of ours who owned a cafe that Clare and I loved to eat at after our weekly yoga sessions. His muffins and pastries were orgasmic. I was fairly certain I'd asked Phil to marry me at least a dozen times now, only to be turned down each time because he was madly in love and taken.

"Yeah, you're right. But damn, if Logan could bake even half as well. That man can cook, but when he gets near sugar, bad things happen. I can't tell you how many cookies, cakes, and muffins he's burned since we've been married. He keeps trying though, being the sweet, foolish man that he is." She laughed.

I laughed with her as I picked a chocolate chip off the top of my muffin before popping it into my mouth. Letting the silence settle between us, I looked down at the wood table and drew patterns with my finger. Finally, I glanced back up at my best friend, knowing it was time —time to apologize, explain, open myself up to someone again.

"I'm so sorry, Clare. The way I acted last night was wrong. I lashed out. I was embarrassed, scared, and angry...and I took it out on everyone who was trying to help. I know you were only there because you wanted to take care of me, and I'm sorry I didn't let you do that."

"After over twenty years of friendship, I know how you react in these types of situations. I understand, Leah. I just wish you would let someone in. It doesn't even have to be me, but you do need someone to listen."

"I know. I think I understand that for the first time in my life."

"Do you want to talk about it? We don't have to. I mean, we can talk about the weather, books, that hot guy from Thor...whatever. I'm here if you want."

"Yeah." I smiled. "I think I do want to talk about it."

Over coffee and chocolate chip muffins, I finally told my best friend about my real childhood, the one that I'd hidden from her for so many years. We cried together, and she held my hand. When she asked why I'd never told her, I honestly didn't have an answer.

"I don't know, Clare. I've always been so strong, so independent. I guess a part of me thought telling someone, acknowledging it, would be admitting weakness. So, I learned how to avoid it for the most part. My childhood and teen years became a sick game of learning cues and signs of my father's drunken states so that I knew when to scatter or not come home at all."

"I just wish I had known, so we could have done something, Leah. We could have taken you away and adopted you for real. You know my mother and father would have done that in an instant. Hell, I think they even tried at one point. Had they known that, it would have been a lot easier."

"I know, and I love your parents more than I could ever put into words, but I'm stubborn as hell."

She gave me that no-shit look.

I continued, "But in the beginning, I was scared. I was scared it wouldn't work, then I'd be stuck with him anyway, and he'd be even angrier. Later on, I just figured I was almost free anyway, and I thought I could manage a few more years of dodge and weave."

She jumped from her seat and pulled me into a tight hug. "I love you, Leah. Never forget that. You are my sister, best friend, and partner in crime. Don't ever shut me out. Do you understand?"

I nodded against her shoulder, letting the tears fall freely down my cheeks. "I understand, Clare Bear."

"Good, because finding a new best friend would be really hard work, and I'm just too lazy for that," she said through sniffles. "Besides, you were with me when I bought my first vibrator. A bond like that is deep and unbreakable."