Nets and Lies(27)

“You better tell the truth!” I cried, as Lauren put her arm around Melanie and led her out of the bathroom.

My fingers dug into the sides of the sink. As I thought about Coach T raping Melanie, I fought my gag reflex. What kind of unimaginable bastard was he? How could I have possibly loved someone who would do such a vile and disgusting thing?

I flung my head back and stared back at my reflection. It was all such a f**king mess.

***

At lunch time, I headed to my usual table. Tara and Brandi were already there, but the rest of our crew was missing. It had been two days since I’d seen them. Tara had called and left several messages, but I didn’t return them. I knew she wanted to talk about Coach T and what I’d accused him of. But I didn’t want to talk about it with her. Somehow I was afraid if I did, she might break me down and get the truth out of me.

I eased down into a seat. “Hey guys.”

“Hey,” Tara said softly.

When Brandi didn’t respond, I stared up from my lunch-bag. She glared at me, her green eyes narrowed. “What?” I finally asked.

She shook her head in disgust. “You know what.”

“Um, no, I don’t. So why don’t you save me the trouble,” I countered.

“You and your Coach T story.”

“It’s not a story.”

Brandi snorted. “Yeah, it is. I saw how you used to flirt with him, how you looked at him. You wanted him.”

“Yeah, I may have flirted him, but I sure as hell didn’t want him to rape me!”

“He’s a good man—he’s a married man!”

“You’re just pissed because he’s your darling Will’s father, and if he’s in trouble or hurt, Will’s hurt. You’re pathetic.”

The venom rolled off my tongue before I could stop it. It was the only self-defense mechanism I knew—hurt others if they hurt you.

Brandi stared at me with a wounded expression before snapping up out of her chair like a rubber band. “Go to hell, you lying bitch!”

As she stalked away from the table, a couple of kids glanced in our direction. Wide-eyed, Tara shook her head. “What are you doing, Jordan?”

“What am I doing? She started it.”

“That was low to bring up Will. You know how obsessed she is with him.”

The expression on Tara’s face broke me. “Okay, okay. I was a bitch. I’m sorry. It’s just you have no idea what today has been like for me. People calling me names, my locker’s been vandalized. Stupid me, I’d hoped my two best friends would be here to support me—not give me shit the moment I sat down.”

Tara refused to look at me. “You have no idea what it’s been like for us either.”

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“You weren’t here yesterday when the shit hit the fan, Jordan. Brandi and I were the ones getting the looks and being pushed and shoved in the hall. And for what reason? Simply because we’re your friends.”

I chewed on my lip, unsure of what to say. “I didn’t know—”

“Maybe you would have if you’d bothered to answer your phone last night!”

“I’m sorry, Tara. I mean, I was in with the detectives all yesterday. I was worn out and didn’t want to talk to anybody, okay?”

She shook her head. “I had a right to hear it from you, Jordan.”

“I know you did. And I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.”

“I hope you are. We’re been best friends since third grade. I would hope you’d feel I had a right to know what was going on with you—especially something as serious as being raped.”

“You are my best friend, and yes, you had a right to know. I made a mistake. I promise it won’t happen again.”

Tara sighed. “You promise?”

“Yes, I promise.”

She fidgeted with the buttons on her sleeve before sucking in a deep breath. “Jordan, I want to ask you something, and I want you to give me an honest answer.”

My mind spun with her question. No, Tara. Not you. Please don’t make me do this. Don’t make me lie to your face. But I didn’t give in to my emotions. Instead, I angrily shook my head. “Don’t you start this bullshit too!”

“I know how you felt about Coach T. You told me one time that you loved him, remember?”

“Yeah, and if memory serves me right, I also remember being drunk off my ass!”

Tara’s eyes flashed. “Don’t try to blame it on alcohol. You sobbed for an hour and told me how much you loved him.”

My throat went dry. I swallowed several times before I shrugged nonchalantly, as if she didn’t have me cornered with my lies. “So, maybe I did like him. And maybe because I was drunk, I exaggerated how much I liked him. But that doesn’t mean I wanted him to rape me!”

Tara pushed her lunch bag aside and leaned in on her elbows. “Tell me the truth.”

“He raped me,” I insisted.

“I’m your best friend. If you can’t tell me the truth, how can I be your friend?”

My heart beat rapidly in my chest. I wanted so much to tell Tara the truth—to tell someone what had really happened besides my Mom, but I couldn’t. There was too much risk. So, I forced the lie from my lips one last time. “I was raped.”