Mystery Man (Dream Man #1)(106)

What was wrong with me?

The tears threatened but I beat them back by deep breathing. Then I snatched a washcloth out of my bathroom closet, turned on the faucet until the water was hot and then I cleaned him from me.

He would leave. He would leave. He always left.

Then I needed to move. Not houses, to a different state. I could work anywhere. I was free to go. It would suck, leaving everyone behind but I was up for the adventure. Dad had taken us to Boston when I was a kid, we toured the Constitution. We went to Lexington Green. We ate clam chowder and I loved it. We had lobster and that was still my most favorite thing. I was into history. I was into lobster. I could do Boston.

I sat on the toilet, thinking of Boston and I listening but I wouldn’t hear him leave. But he’d leave. He’d go. I knew it.

I waited and listened to silence.

Then I sucked in breath and went to the door. I had my hand on the light switch when I opened it but I stopped dead because Hawk was in the hall. He was wearing nothing but his cargoes, his ass was to the wall, his legs slightly out in front of him, his head bent, he was contemplating his feet.

Shit. He didn’t go.

He kept his head bent but twisted his neck and his eyes came to me.

“You need to go,” I announced, flipping off the switch and entering the hall.

Then I found my back to the wall and I was pinned there with Hawk’s body. One of his hands was at my neck, thumb in my jaw to force me to look up at him, the other one was at my hip. Mine went to his waist and I pushed, to no avail.

“You need to go,” I repeated.

“I was in the middle of an operation, an important one, they needed me. So when my wife and daughter died, they couldn’t tell me, they needed me focused. They were dead two days before I knew I’d lost them.”

Oh God.

“I don’t want to hear this,” I told him. “I have no interest in this,” I went on but I said this in an effort not to convince him but to convince myself.

Hawk ignored me. “I was thousands of miles away. Thousands of miles away when I lost my family, Gwen.”

“You need to go,” I said again with another push of my hands.

“I loved her,” he announced and I stopped pushing.

“Hawk, really, I don’t –”

“But I was f**kin’ pissed at her. Jesus Christ, so f**kin’ pissed. How f**kin’ stupid could she be? Not only goin’ there herself but taking our daughter?”

I closed my eyes and turned my head away.

“You should talk to someone about this,” I said, looked back at him and suggested, “Elvira. She’s a good listener.”

He ignored me again. “I was at base when Lucas, Darla and their crew entered your house. I was in the surveillance room and one of my boys whistled to me and I looked at the screens. I called the order to mobilize on your house, got my shit sorted and started to go myself but before I reached the door, I saw Lucas carrying you out over his shoulder. You weren’t moving.”

“Lucas?”

“Brock Lucas, you know him as Skull.”

“Oh,” I whispered.

“You weren’t movin’, Gwen.”

“They’d stun gunned me,” I told him.

“I didn’t know that,” he told me. “All I knew was that 911 had received a call from one of your neighbors, shots fired at your house and you were carried out not moving. That’s all I knew.”

“They’d stun gunned me, Hawk,” I repeated.

“I didn’t know that, Gwen,” he repeated back and continued. “I was in the car when the call came in that Brett was down, three to the chest. I knew the players. I could see the play. They took your body as proof of death, the beginning, you first, then your stepmom or your Dad. They’d go through all of you and Ginger would need to step up to stop that happening.”

“It didn’t happen that way,” I informed him of what he already knew.

“Yeah, but for two hours, I didn’t know the state of you. Lee got a lock on your location, we went in and I had no idea what I’d face when I walked into that room.”

“I was fine,” I lied.

“You were bound and gagged, Gwen.”

“Yes,” I returned, “but otherwise fine.”

He kept going. “Days earlier you were caught in a drive-by. Your car at the curb, your purse on the couch and you were gone. For f**kin’ hours, babe. The only thing I had to hold onto, seein’ as another woman of mine had been caught in a drive-by, was that no blood was at the scene and my boys saw Tack drag you out. Camera angles weren’t good so we couldn’t see for sure you’d not been hit but at least you were standing.”

Shit, that hadn’t occurred to me. Why hadn’t that occurred to me?

“I was fine then too,” I reminded him.

He pressed in deeper. “Yeah, Gwen, but I… didn’t… know that.”

All right. I had to give him that.

Still.

“You’re telling me all this because…?” I prompted.

His hand left my hip and went to cup the other side of my jaw as he said, “Jesus, Gwen, I’m tellin’ you this so you’ll know where my head was at.”

“Okay, now I know. Thanks for story time, Hawk, now are you going to go?”