Mr. Beautiful (Up in the Air #4)(28)

JAMES:  I'm so sorry.

JAMES:  Is she okay this morning?  Has she said anything?

JAMES:  Thank you for taking care of her.  For being there for her.

JAMES:  Words can't express how much I regret how things went last night.

JAMES:  Please believe me when I say that I care for her deeply, and I understand why you'd be upset with me.  Things look much different than they are, and I don't blame you for wanting to protect her.  I'm sorry it came to that.

JAMES:  I'd like to talk to you, when you get a chance.

JAMES:  Can I call you?

JAMES:  My men tell me she looks pale and drawn.  Is she all right?  Is she eating?  Please make sure she takes care of herself.

When I checked my phone again, after we landed, I saw that he'd tried to call me several times during the flight.  I wasn't at all surprised.

I felt torn.  I believed him, believed he cared for her deeply, believed he had her best interests at heart.

It felt disloyal, and I debated even speaking to him, but Bianca told me that I should handle him however I saw fit.

She went and crashed for hours after the trip, but I stayed up, looking at my phone and agonizing about what was the right thing to do.

"Will you let me explain my side of what happened last night?" was the first thing he said when I finally took his call.

This was just the thing I'd been worried about.  "I'll hear you out, but you need to understand that I won't take anything you say to her.  She doesn't want to hear it, not even from me, if that is your angle."

"It's not.  I know what you are to her, and I need you to understand what I'm trying to be to her.  I respect your role in her life, and I'd like to begin to earn my own place there, as well, because I'm not planning to go anywhere.  You and I should not be at odds."

I let out an agitated sigh.  He sounded so sincere.  Either he was an exceptional actor, or he meant what he said, meant it earnestly.  And what reason did he have to lie?  Why would he bother?

"Tell me who that other woman was last night," I said grudgingly.  "The one Bianca seems to think you're with."

"I'm not!  She's an old acquaintance, and that is all.  We had a long-standing social engagement for a charity event that happened to fall on last night.  I—Stephan you have to understand that I have a past, a sordid one, but it is my past.  I've promised Bianca exclusivity, and I will stay faithful to that.  She's . . . very special to me.  I want to create something lasting with her.  That's all that I want."

Fuck.  I believed him, and that only made everything more complicated.

"I don't know what to tell you," I said, feeling torn.

"There's no conflict here, Stephan.  Talking to me is not disloyal to her.  We want the same things for her, you and me."

"You have to know I can't just take you on your word on that."

"I understand.  All I want is a chance.  An opportunity to earn your trust back, and hers."  There was a long sigh on the other end, and then, "I'm in love with her.  Completely.  Absolutely.  I mean to marry her."

My eyes tried to bug out of my head.  "She'll run the other way if she hears you talking like that, you know."

"I know.  She's skittish.  I understand that.  Things have happened too fast for her, when I should have taken it slow, but my feelings are real.  They aren't going anywhere, and neither am I."

"Why did you tell her you didn't want to date then?  Why were you hiding your relationship with her?"

"Every woman I'm seen with undergoes a destructive amount of scrutiny.  The press makes things up.  They print things about the women that date me, things I'm not sure I can stand to have said about her.  I'm protective of her too, Stephan.  This is what that was about.  Protecting her."

"You've done a shitty job of it."

"Yes, I know.  I can do better though.  I just need another chance."

"What exactly is it that you think I can do?  My loyalty is to her, always; and it's her you need to convince."

"I intend to.  But I can see how this works, and I need your blessing here.  We both know it."

"Fuck, James.  What a mess.  I can't give you anything, not as things stand, not until you make it right with her.  You hurt her, and you need to fix it."

"Always.  I'll always fix it, Stephan.  That is my promise to you."

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

COMING OUT

PAST

I was in the hospital when I got the text.  It was from a strange number, and so I didn't even look at it at first.

James and I were taking turns sitting vigil with Bianca, who'd been brutally attacked just days before.

Sometimes we flanked her, each taking a hand, because neither of us could stand to be far from her when she was so obviously in need, but a lot of times, like now, the nurse needed to check in on her, and one of us had to move out of the way so she could.

This time, I had stepped away from her.  It was hard to do, but I knew it was necessary.  I had to learn to share her now, as much as that went against the grain of the complexity that was my relationship with Bianca.