Mile High (Up in the Air #2)(54)

I returned to Javier, asking him politely if he needed anything. I felt James’s gaze on me then, since I had interrupted their polite small talk.

“Just a bottle of water, please. Thank you, Bianca,” Javier said with a smile.

I smiled back, not looking at James. I turned away, heading back to the front of the plane.

“Bianca,” James called, his voice very casual.

I looked at him over my shoulder, my brow arched.

“Put your vest back on, Love. Now.” James gave me a bland smile, as though he hadn’t just given me an arbitrary order in front of Javier, in front of strangers.

I fumed as I went back into the galley. I hadn’t gotten around to putting my vest back on when Damien stepped out of the cockpit to use the restroom. He stepped into my galley when he saw me, smiling warmly. I had seen him briefly on the crew bus, but we had been in too big of a hurry to chat. His smile dropped a little when he saw that I was visibly agitated.

“Everything all right?” he asked, concern in his voice.

I just nodded, meeting his eyes while I took deep breaths. I should have realized that the action would accentuate my conspicuous br**sts, but I didn’t, not until his eyes roamed there, widening when they saw the outline of my clamped ni**les. I didn’t think he could see the actual clamps, but I really wasn’t sure.

I thought he must have just seen my over exaggerated ni**les. Whatever he saw, it seemed to freeze him in place. He couldn’t seem to look away from my chest.

He put a hand on my shoulder, licking his lips nervously. “Can I help you with anything?” he asked in a low voice.

I just shook my head, still looking at him. I didn’t remove his hand, didn’t think of it. My mind wasn’t working right. I knew that James wasn’t touching me, but all I could think about were his hands on me.

So while I knew that it was Damien’s hand on me, it felt almost as if James was touching me. And besides, it was only my shoulder he was touching. But I was in a state.

“Kindly remove that hand, Damien. Shouldn’t you be flying the plane or something?” James asked, stepping into the galley. His voice was cold as ice. I didn’t have to look at his eyes to know that they would be the same.

Damien pulled his hand back, eyes wide, looking as though he’d been doing something much worse than just touching my shoulder. He mumbled an agreement, backing off and going into the lavatory.

I felt more than saw James moving to me. He plucked my vest from where it hung on an open cabinet, holding it out for me to slip into. I did so without a word, not looking at him.

“What was that, Bianca? Do you want him? Explain it to me.” His voice was still so cold. I was intimated and…embarrassed.

“I-I don’t want him. I think he was just caught off-guard. And I…I was just distracted, thinking about you. I know he was standing right in front of me, but I couldn’t seem to focus on him.”

James gripped my hair at the nape, the only place he touched me, pulling my head back to look up and squarely into his eyes. They were more shuttered than I would have guessed. Whatever he was feeling, I couldn’t have guessed it from his face.

“I told you this wasn’t a punishment, Bianca, but it is now.” He pulled my hair hard enough to make me gasp. His voice was strangely blank. “It will be better or worse, depending on your answer. Were you trying to make me jealous by letting him touch you, or are you drawn to him? Do you want him, just a little?”

I mulled it over, wanting to give him the most honest answer, dreading the punishment, when it was this overwhelming depravation. “I was too involved with my own thoughts to react to what he was doing. I think I would have reacted, would have pulled away, if he had touched more than my shoulder, but he didn’t, so I didn’t. I just don’t think of him like that.”

I was relishing his hands on me, even with this limited contact, as I continued breathlessly. “He doesn’t feel like a threat, and I’ve never even thought about having sex with him. I couldn’t tell you why. I can see that he’s good looking, and I value him as a friend. He’s funny, and charming, and nice, but I’ve only ever had platonic feelings. Perhaps it’s something like how you feel about Frankie. For all I know, he’s another submissive. That may be why I could only see him as a friend.”

He studied me for the longest time, his eyes still shuddered, but if I had to guess, I would say that he was feeling hurt and worried.

“I like your answer,” he finally said. “I can’t tell if I believe it because I want so desperately to, or because it’s the truth. You’ll still be punished, but I won’t draw it out like I was planning to when I saw his hand on you. Don’t let it happen again.” With that, he walked away.

The rest of the flight was long and James wouldn’t so much as spare me a glance. When he deprived me, he deprived me of everything, even his beautiful eyes, and that intense regard that I had come to adore and depend on so helplessly. I hadn’t realized how much I craved even his stare, how it made me feel less empty, less cold. He was the sun, and when he turned away, I felt so cold and empty, so achy and wanting.

I hadn’t realized it before. Is that why I was getting this lesson? Had he known the extent of his affect on me, and known how to show me just how much I needed him to want me, needed him to show me.

The depravation of his physical affection affected me first, but I thought that the emotional withdrawal from him was by far more devastating. And I wouldn’t have realized it, wouldn’t have realized how generously he had always tended to my emotional needs, until he had set my body on fire and withdrawn from me completely. It was a revelation.