Mile High (Up in the Air #2)(2)

“Well, I guess I owe you now. You want to ask me any rude, prying questions about my personal life?” he asked. He had a great smile. It was all even white teeth, and self-deprecating humor. It would have been hard not to smile back. I didn’t even try.

“Nope,” I told him with no hesitation.

He laughed again, as though I was much more funny than I actually was. “I guess when you answer yes to that question, I’ll know I have you where I want you.”

I just wrinkled my nose and turned my face away.

“Wanna take a walk on the beach?” he asked, after several minutes of silence.

I realized in surprise that I did want to get up and move around a bit. I’d been so inactive lately, due to my injuries. “It’s not a romantic stroll or anything, is it?” I asked him cautiously.

He sat up, grinning at me. He really was a good-looking man. He wore only low-slung black swim trunks. He was tan and muscular. His dark hair and warm brown eyes were hollywood material. I really didn’t understand why he would put so much time into a passably attractive girl who wasn’t even remotely interested in him. I tried to use that characterization as further proof that he was just being friendly, still strangely uncomfortable with his company.

I got up, moving slowly. I was still stiff, though I had recovered remarkably well, all things considered.

I hadn’t been released from the hospital until I’d had countless tests run, so I was in the clear of any serious injuries.

I started walking, and Damien fell into step beside me. He seemed to know better than to try to help me.

I found the wooden crosswalk that led from our hotel to the beach, and crossed it resolutely.

I walked almost to the water line before I began to walk along the beach. My bare feet got wet, but it felt good after laying in the hot sun. I even got a few steps deeper into the tide before I began to follow the shoreline, passing the various ocean-front hotels. I counted the hotels we passed, absently keeping track.

“Some weirdo just got a picture of us,” Damien told me as we walked.

Inwardly, I cursed. Outwardly, I shrugged.

“Want me to go beat him up and take his camera?” he asked.

I laughed. “The damage is done,” I said. I could only imagine what they would print about me this week. I figured no matter what it was, it couldn’t be worse than the tangent they had gone on a month ago.

They had called me every derogatory name in the book. I was becoming quickly immune to it. It was almost a pleasant surprise to me, how quickly I was becoming desensitized to being publicly insulted.

Someday I might even stifle my unhealthy urge to check online for what they were saying about me. I wasn’t sure I’d ever have enough self-control to keep from checking to see what they were saying about James...

“Are you really done with that James Cavendish guy, or are you just taking a break?” Damien asked, walking close to my side, as though afraid I would lose my balance. He probably wasn’t totally wrong. I did feel a little wobbly, but it was mostly because I was so stiff.

I gave him a level stare. I decided to be brutally honest with him. “I’d like to think I’m sensible enough to be done with him. I’m realistic enough to know that, done or not, I’m ruined for other men. If you must know, he and I have certain…tastes in common. I don’t really care to discuss it any more than that.”

Damien touched my arm briefly, giving me a warm smile when I looked at him. “If you’re a dominatrix, Bee, I can live with that. Feel free to tie me up and spank me, anytime you feel the need.”

I laughed, because he was joking, and because it was the opposite of the truth.

“Um, no,” was all I said to him.

“Are you in love with him?” he asked. “Is it that serious? You can tell me, Bianca. I won’t judge. I just want to be your friend.”

I grimaced. He was my friend. Why is it so hard for me to open up? I wondered. Even to a friend. I thought over the question, trying to suppress my natural urge to just close up at such a personal topic.

“Yes,” I answered finally. “It’s hopeless, I know. Maybe that’s why my heart was perverse enough to give itself. But I do love him.”

He squeezed my elbow. “Hey, I know the feeling. Don’t beat yourself up so much. What will you do?”

I took a few deep breaths, really thinking about it. “That’s what I don’t know. I can’t deny how I feel, but I can deny where it has to lead. He still wants me. Will I let him have me again? That’s the million dollar question, I suppose.”

Damien gave me a pained look. “It is.”

I gave a small shrug, the one I couldn’t seem to help. It was a gesture that seemed to drive everyone in my life insane.

“He’ll grow tired of me, I’m sure,” I said softly. “It’s his M.O. The question is, am I so desperate for him that I’ll just sign on for the ride?”

Damien didn’t have an answer for that. Neither did I.

CHAPTER TWO

Damien and I walked slowly back to the hotel. We found more neutral topics to chat about on the return trip.

I noticed this time when my picture was taken by the man who crouched in the bushes outside of the hotel that bordered our own. He was a pudgy, balding man. I had the urge to tell him that he didn’t need to bother damaging his knees by attempting to hide. He was very visible, even hiding.