Mile High (Up in the Air #2)(17)
I just stared at him for awhile, my mind moving like molasses.
He seemed to be getting angrier by the moment. “Answer me. Do you want me to do that?” he asked, each word biting and harsh.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “No,” I repeated, trying to make it sound convincing. “We need to go.”
He ground his teeth together. “I’m aware of that. Go say goodbye to Stephan,” he ordered.
I stepped away from him, catching my breath for long moments.
I counted in my head as I made my way to Stephan, trying to get my mind onto the matter at hand, and off of James.
Stephan gave me a slightly worried look as I approached. “You okay, Bee?” He leaned near my ear as he spoke.
I just nodded, looking only at him. “James and I are leaving. I’m going home with him. I’ll call you tomorrow,” I told him.
He began to look around as I spoke, searching for James. He met the other man’s stare as James approached. James leaned in, saying something in his ear, pitched too low for even me to hear.
Stephan nodded slowly, giving the other man a severe frown, but saying nothing.
James led me from the room by the hand, his own grip uncompromising. We didn’t speak to anyone else. I was lucid enough to know I should be a little embarrassed at how far I’d almost let James go in a room full of people.
James was close to dragging me by the time we got to his car. He ushered me, rather forcefully, into the low limo the second Clark opened the door. He was a hard presence at my back as I moved across the seats. He sat close to me, but made no move to touch me again. I didn’t mind, taking the reprieve to try to compose myself.
Several minutes passed in silence, James staring out the window as though he was avoiding even the sight of me. I could tell he was angry, but I couldn’t even begin to guess why.
“So you’ve done that before?” I finally asked him quietly. My mind had been stubbornly lingering on the idea in the long silence. “You’ve had sex in front of other people before?”
He looked at me, his brow arched, his expression cold. “Yes. Are we sharing information now? I thought that was strictly off-limits tonight. Your idea, if I recall.”
My eyes narrowed on him. “Don’t bring things up that you aren’t willing to talk about, then.”
His brows flew straight up at that. “Is that a rule now? So you’re saying that if you bring up a subject, you have to answer my questions about it, as well? If you’ll agree to reciprocate, I’ll accept those terms.”
I bit my lip, wondering how this was going to backfire on me. I knew it would, eventually. How badly did I want to know about his exhibitionist tendencies?
Badly. “Fine. Tell me.”
He pursed that pretty mouth. “Tell you what, exactly? About having sex in front of other people?”
I nodded.
“Is it something you’re interested in doing, or are you merely curious?”
My eyes widened in dawning horror. Had he thought I would want to do that in front of my co-workers, if I was thinking at all clearly? The thought was abhorrent.
“Merely curious,” I said with a blush. “About you more than the practice. I want to know what you did in front of other people, and with whom.”
He spread his hands. “I’ve done it several times. There are…events for people like us. BDSM demonstrations. I’ve dominated, and spanked, and f**ked several women at things like that. In front of a few people or even crowds. I never had a problem with it, though it was more a novelty than one of my actual preferences. And I f**ked a few women at some frat houses in college in front of crowds, a few times on a dare, if I recall. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I used to be a real slut. I’ve been more circumspect in recent years, but only in comparison to my past exploits, really. Anything else you want to know about it?” His voice was tight with agitation by the end of his explanation, and his question was downright angry.
I felt sick to my stomach suddenly, the last vestiges of arousal leaving me completely. “And you’d have no problem doing that to me, in front of a crowd?”
His jaw clenched hard, and he turned his head away. He was silent for so long that I didn’t think he was going to answer, though the answer was important to me.
“I have a huge problem with it,” he said finally. “That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t do it. Even knowing how much I would have regretted it after, I still had a hard time stopping myself. I felt like you wanted me to, and that made it so hard to stop. I’m starting to see that that’s not what you wanted. Still, I would have been furious with us both if it had gone that far.”
“Why furious? You said yourself you’ve done it several times.”
He gave me an almost malevolent glare. “Because you’re mine. I don’t want other people to see you like that. I don’t want to share you like that. When I’ve done it before, it’s been with women who were…dispensable. They were all dispensable, Bianca. I’m not proud of that fact, but it is the truth. Even the few subs who I’ve had under contract longterm were dispensable, in a way. I never shared them, but I certainly didn’t care if anyone saw me f**king them.”
I licked my lips. “You had subs under contract? Longterm?” I asked, feeling the sickness growing.
He sighed. “I did bring it up, didn’t I? Yes, I’ve had a few subs under contract. They were amenable, though only two were compatible for what could be considered longterm. It can be a necessary arrangement, when you have a lot of money and your sexual proclivities are…unusual. I wanted no misunderstandings, and certainly none of them were strangers to the scene.”