Midnight Kiss (Virgin River #12)(52)

He looked at the ceiling and prayed for patience. “Of course it’s not men you’re afraid of. It’s yourself. Your brain, Jordan darlin’, is your worst enemy. You think too much. Love isn’t reasonable or logical. The heart doesn’t care if it makes sense. The heart wants what the heart wants, it’s that simple.”

“The heart is only an organ that pumps blood. Everything else is self-delusion. People want to believe in that fantasy because they’re afraid to be alone. It’s not real.” She paused for a minute, and he waited to hear what would pour out of her next.

“Look, let’s be reasonable about this. You and I are different, but we have a good time together. That doesn’t have to go away if you can simply accept that’s all this is. We can agree to disagree about sentimental matters.” He could almost see her in court as she dared him to dispute the logic of her case. “Now, I’d like to go home, please.”

“What about Marly and David?”

“I’ll just tell them I don’t feel well.” Her chin jutted. “It won’t be a lie.”

“This is a mistake,” he said quietly.

“It is.”

He was certain they didn’t mean the same thing.

“I won’t come after you again, Jordan. The next move is up to you.”

Her eyes were huge and dark and serious. “It doesn’t have to be this way.”

“Relationships have to grow…or they die.” Couldn’t she see what she was doing to them? What they could be? “Don’t act like a child.” Please. But he was sick to death of being the only one to believe.

Jordan watched him, and in her eyes, he thought he saw the stirrings of doubt, perhaps of regrets. “I wish I could make you understand,” she said so faintly it was barely a whisper.

“What I understand is that you’re going to let your fears win.”

He saw her flinch from his words, but she didn’t argue. Instead she put one hand on the doorknob. “Shall I call a cab?”

His heart was lead. “Very well,” he said stiffly. “Suit yourself.” He drew his keys from his pocket and reached past her to open the door for her.

The way a man did for the woman he loved, Will thought bitterly.

But he wouldn’t beg for her to love him back.

CHAPTER TEN

FOR THE NEXT THREE DAYS, Jordan worked like a maniac.

But she also checked her phone obsessively.

Will never called.

Well, that’s good, isn’t it? She asked her reflection in the gym mirror. It’s exactly what you wanted.

The ache in her chest weighed a hundred pounds.

She felt like a kid who’d given away her favorite toy. She hadn’t understood how much Will had brightened her life until he was gone.

But she was the only one who understood that this could only end badly. She’d had no choice, once he started spouting foolishness about marriage, to end things before she inflicted damage he couldn’t bear.

Because for all his great strength, Will’s heart was soft and unprotected. She could live with most of what she’d done in her life, but she couldn’t live with knowing she’d damaged that beautiful heart of his.

She’d done the right thing, Jordan knew that. What she hadn’t counted on was how much she would hurt.

And the only person she wanted to turn to for comfort was the one she’d had to shove away.

Jordan ratcheted up the angle on the treadmill. She would get past this. She would sweat Will out of her system. She would get back in fighting trim, be back out in the game any day.

Fiona stepped on the machine beside her. “Hi— Wow, what’s wrong?”

“What? Nothing.”

“Then why are you crying?”

Jordan reached up, horrified to feel wet cheeks. “It’s nothing.”

“This is me, girlfriend. I can count the number of times I’ve seen you cry on one…actually, I’ve never seen you cry. What gives?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“It’s that guy, isn’t it? Will?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, lordy.” Fiona hit the stop button on both machines, then grabbed Jordan’s arm. “Come on.”

Jordan shook her off. “I’m busy.”

“I don’t care.” Fiona practically dragged her off the treadmill. Once they were inside the locker room with no one around, Fiona faced her friend. “Spill.”

“There’s nothing to say.”

“Sure there’s not.” Fiona studied her. She opened her mouth, then snapped it shut. Shook her head. “It has to be love. Nothing else makes a person so miserable. So do I need to kick his ass?”

“No!” Jordan subsided immediately. “The fault isn’t his, it’s mine.” Misery swamped her, enough so she made a painful admission. “I’m not in love. I can’t be.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’ll screw it up.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I can’t make Will happy. He needs a Marly. He deserves one, damn it. I can’t be like her.” Her chin jutted forward. “I don’t even want to.” But she knew she was lying. If she could be a Marly, she would.