Mid Life Love (Mid Life Love #1)(69)

There was silence as we looked at one another, as we searched for something to say about a situation best friends should never have to go through.

I tried to control my anger, tried to step back and take a slow deep breath, but it didn’t work. I drew my hand back and slapped the shit out of her.

She gasped and reached up to touch her cheek. The fact that I almost felt sorry for her made me want to vomit.

“I deserved that...” she whispered.

“No shit.”

“I am...I am so so sorry, Claire.” Her voice cracked. She uncovered her cheek and I saw the beautiful red imprint of my hand. “I never ever wanted to hurt you...I wanted to call you and say something but...I already know you’ll never forgive me for what’s happened...If I could take everything back, I swear I would. I didn’t realize that—”

“That I was married? That you were the maid of honor at my wedding? That you helped me shop for an anniversary present every year? What exactly didn’t you realize?”

“I didn’t think our feelings were—”

“Real? Genuine? Worth mentioning before I tied the knot? As much as it would’ve hurt me, Amanda—as much as I would’ve cried over it—if you had just said, ‘Hey. I have feelings for Ryan and he has feelings for me too,’ before we got married, hell before we got engaged this would’ve...” I couldn’t hold back my tears. “Do you even realize how f**ked up this all is? This isn’t some goddamn romance book on your shelf, Amanda! This is my f**king life!”

“I really am sorry...I—”

“When the f**k were you going to tell me?” I wanted to slap her again. “Huh? When the baby was born? When he turned two? At one point did you and Ryan think about letting your spouses in on this twisted ass joke?”

“Listen to—”

“Answer the goddamn question!”

She sighed. “We never discussed that...”

“Of course you didn’t...I guess f**king each other all the time was conversation enough.” I moved past her and took two cartons of mint chocolate chip from the fridge.

“Claire, wait...I’ll always hate myself for—”

“That makes two of us. We’ve always shared the same enemies.”

“I can’t say how sorr—”

“The only reason I’m not stomping the living shit out of you right now is because you’re carrying a baby—my ex-husband’s baby. But the more I stand here looking at how pathetic you are, I’m tempted to disregard that fact because you’re not really sorry, Amanda. You’re only sorry because you got caught. And you’re right, I will never forgive you.”

I swallowed one more Tylenol pill and washed it down. I looked at my watch and realized it was noon.

I can’t waste my whole weekend thinking about this... I need to do something...

I walked over to the pantry and saw that there was nothing inside but a box of cereal and a jar of unopened peanut butter.

Problem solved...

I stood in front of the meat freezer at Whole Foods, debating whether I should buy two or three packages of chicken. Since Ashley had recently given up her “vegan-status,” she and Caroline were on some type of “all-protein” fix and they’d been eating meat like crazy.

For the past few nights, I’d witnessed them scarf down grilled ham sandwiches, burritos, and turkey burgers like their lives depended on it.

I decided to go with three and headed for the register.

As usual, there were only two cashiers working, and since it was Saturday—the day everyone else did their shopping, I prepared myself for a long wait in line.

I picked up a copy of Cosmopolitan magazine and skimmed through the pages, trying not to laugh at the ridiculous article titles: “The Number One Thing He Craves in Bed Tonight...” “How to Break the Three Date Rule,” and “Two Hundred Sex Tricks That Will Make Him Love You.”

I turned to another page and saw an article entitled, “For ANY Relationship: How to Keep Things Spicy.” I read the first paragraph and rolled my eyes, but I kept reading:

“The key to any relationship—whether you’re young or a little more mature in age—is not communication! (Well, that IS important but we’ll get to that later.) The key is variety—within your date nights, within your displays of affection, and within your bedroom.

“Since this is Cosmo, we’re going to focus on key number three! Your bedroom!

“Sex should never be the same thing day in and day out. It should be spontaneous, passionate, and so amazingly good that you and your guy think about it for days after. (If you’re not already having sex again that is...)

“Our senior editors decided to take the plunge for you, interviewing over a thousand men for this feature. They asked each of them what they liked most about the women they’ve dated, what turns them on, and most importantly how important variety is to a relationship.

“Feel free to read exclusive interviews on the next page, but for now, we’re going to give you a list of tips to automatically boost your sex life and add some much needed variety!

“1. Sexting! Sexting is a—”

I couldn’t read anymore. I reached for something safer—Oprah’s O magazine, and searched for her most recent book club picks.