Mid Life Love (Mid Life Love #1)(108)

His eyes darkened and he took a step forward. “Is this your attempt to initiate angry sex? Because I’m seconds away from f**king some sense into you.”

“It’s. Over.” I felt my heart breaking, but I kept going. “You and I don’t belong together and I’m tired of pretending like we do. As much as I’d love to continue this f**king fantasy, I need to get back to reality. And my reality doesn’t include you. The past months were fun, but I’m done with this and I’m done with you.” I made a beeline for the door and twisted the doorknob, but he grabbed me by my shoulders and spun me around.

His eyes were blazing with fury, but he kept his voice soft. “I’m going to give you one more chance to tell me where the f**k this is coming from.”

“I just told you where...”

“Bullshit, Claire. We were in bed twelve hours ago and you weren’t raving like a damn lunatic then. I want the truth.” He paused, and then he lowered his voice. “Just tell me what’s going on...Have you met someone else?”

“What? No. I—”

“Then what’s the problem? And what makes you think I’m going to just let you go? You think you’re going to walk out that door and I’m not going to follow you?”

“Jonathan, please lis—”

“You won’t make it down the hall.”

I knew I wasn’t making any sense, but I had to do this in any way that I could. “What we have is impossible...I think you’ve known that from the beginning because—”

“No. I haven’t. I—”

“Let me finish...” I felt him clasping my hands in his and I almost broke down. “As crazy as this may sound, the feelings I have for you are feelings that I’ve never felt for anyone else—not even my ex-husband...” I jerked my head away as he leaned in to kiss me. “But I recently realized that...It’s hard for me to explain but—”

“Try me.”

My voice cracked. “I knew from the moment that I started dating you that this was going to end very badly for me.”

“It doesn’t have to end at all.”

“It doesn’t have to continue either. I don’t want to—”

He forced his lips onto mine and kissed me until I couldn’t breathe, murmuring against my mouth. “I love you, Claire...And I need you...Stop acting like this...”

I broke away, panting, making him look more confused than ever.

“This is only the second serious relationship I’ve been in throughout my entire life and I think that’s part of the problem...When I was married to Ryan, he used to—”

“Your ex-husband is an ass**le who never f**king deserved you.” His face turned red. “Don’t you dare compare me to him.”

“My point was that—”

“That you don’t want to be happy.” He dropped my hands. “That me loving you doesn’t matter because you don’t love me. And I was okay with that, because I could wait. Because I know you’re stubborn and everything in your world is black or white, right or wrong, appropriate or inappropriate. Fine. I get that. But you must not have been paying attention to how things operate in my world, because you’re out of your damn mind if you think that weak ass excuse you just gave me justifies a break up.”

He brushed a hand against my cheek and softened his tone. “I’ll be at your house at seven tonight. After dinner, you and I can have a real discussion about what’s been going on with you. Whatever it is, we can—”

“I thought you said you’d do anything to make me happy.”

“I did. And I meant that.” He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me. “Whatever you want me to—”

“Let me go. And don’t follow me.”

He sucked in a breath and clenched his jaw. “No.”

“That’s what I want...” I murmured, not sure if he’d even heard me.

“If you had any idea what I felt for you... If you could feel exactly how much you mean to me...” He paused and I saw the veins in his neck begin to swell. “You wouldn’t dare ask me to do that...”

I stared at him for several seconds, wanting to say “You’re right...Let’s just forget this ever happened and make love to each other,” but I couldn’t do it.

“You letting me go and leaving me alone would make me happy.” I rushed the words out of mouth, trying not to notice the pained expression on his face. My bottom lip was quivering, and even though I’d been trying my hardest to hold back tears, I felt a few of them slipping down my cheeks.

“Is that what you really want?” His heartbroken eyes stared into mine and his voice sounded hoarse. “For us to be over? Just like that?”

“Yes.”

He sucked in a deep breath and exhaled. For the first time since I’d known him, he didn’t look like he was calm and in control; he looked completely powerless.

He reached around me and twisted the doorknob, slowly pulling the door open, looking at me like I’d just crushed his soul. “Bye.”

“I’m so sorry, Jonathan...I just think that—”

“Bye.”

I swallowed. I turned away from him and rushed down the hall, onto an open elevator. I pressed “lobby” and prayed that the doors would shut as soon as possible, that he wouldn’t follow me and squeeze in at the last moment.