Mathilda, SuperWitch (Mathilda's Book of Shadows #1)(96)
When we opened the door to The Hobgoblin, it was like the scene out of American Werewolf in London. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at us.
“Way to keep a low profile,” I hissed to Viv as we sauntered in.
“What?” she hissed back.
“Your 80’s Soccer Mom getup. Hardly blending in.”
“Me? At least I’m not Caucasian Cher looking like, at any moment, I’m going to break into my rendition of ‘Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves’.”
She said that like it was an insult.
Derek met us at the bar. “I don’t want any trouble.”
“Me? Trouble?” I replied.
He rolled his eyes, tugged out a pint of lager for each of us (even though we didn’t order lager, quite fancied a cider, but anyway) and walked away.
Scary Faerie was hovering drunkenly at the end of the bar, per usual.
There were far more patrons now than the last time we were here. I scanned the room and saw cute, lean vampire from the Day of Orbs o’ Magic walking toward us.
“Uh-oh,” I said.
“What?” Then Viv saw him. “No vampires,” she said in an undertone.
“I heard that,” he said when he arrived, leaning, sanguine, against the bar next to Viv and looking not insulted at all.
Of course.
Vampire hearing is superior to human hearing.
“Where’s your posse?” Vampire Guy asked me.
“Er…” I replied.
He raised his brows. “The two tall, somewhat scary-looking blokes?”
“Er…” I muttered.
“One from GQ, the other from a Marlboro ad?” he prompted.
Mm, interesting (and accurate) description.
“Um… day off.” (Me, being lame)
Ack!
“I see.” He turned to Viv. “You’re looking for help.”
I bugged my eyes out at Viv.
I mean, how easy was this?
Walk in, pick mercenary and Bob’s your uncle.
“Thanks but no thanks… we need someone who can walk around in daylight. Vampires need not apply.” (Viv, kinda being rude and seriously cutting into my London shopping time if she drew this whole gig out.)
He smiled, very cute and seemed not to take offense at Viv’s rudeness.
“Human mother,” he replied.
Enough said.
* * * * *
Quick lesson:
For the uninitiated, there is quite a bit to learn about vampires.
Firstly, they don’t need blood to live.
Well, they do, but only once a month or so and they certainly don’t have to kill someone to get it. A good ol’ drink will keep them going for weeks. But they don’t have to drain someone dry.
In the meantime, they eat and drink like normal folk. Even though undead, their bodies function like a human being’s, heart beating, blood flowing through veins and the like.
Secondly, vampires are stronger and faster than humans. They can hear and see better. On average, at least three or four times better than a human. The fitter vampires could be five or six times better than humans. The Lance Armstrong of vampires could kick Superman’s ass.
No kidding.
Lastly, vampires die naturally. You could go the stake-to-the-heart, decapitation, silver bullet route but after two hundred fifty or three hundred years, they die naturally anyway.
Just one day, turn to dust.
Finito.
In the olden days, such as, when they pulled out folks’ intestines for public enjoyment, and through the centuries where classes were more established (upstairs, downstairs) vampires didn’t worry too much about stopping before the victim died.
They just fed.
They were a superior race so why not?
But with the end of slavery, industrialization, unionization, civil rights, equal rights, etcetera, they felt some pressure so killing has been illegal for years (with brief respites in 1895, 1921 and 1962 but don’t have time to get into that).
Now, vampires had Blood Covenants which was somewhat like weddings and marriage contracts and feeding rights rolled into one.
They’d find a partner (over a vampire lifetime, they could have three or more, usually women but definitely not unheard of for them to be men, or both) who they bound themselves to (both legally and emotionally, the ceremony was supposed to be super-cool in a kind of dark, vampire-y, black velvet, red satin, blood red rose bouquet, big silver goblets filled with pinot noir, rare-to-blue steaks for dinner, Concrete Blond played at reception, type of way) who would let them drink their blood once a month (amongst other things)).
No killing, no siring of new vampires (unless “in season” which was a whole other story) and no straying.
Of course, they broke these rules – the first one rarely, the second one every once in awhile and the last one all the time (depending on the vampire).
There are very few female vampires, in fact, females were quite unusual. The life of the vampire doesn’t often suit a female, or, at least, most females. And since most vampires aren’t the soulless creatures they’re made out to be in books, they didn’t tend to sire females too often, unless the female wanted it, of course.
They had better things to do with females.
Hmm.
In Blood Covenants it wasn’t unusual for the vampire “naturally” to sire a child.