Mathilda, SuperWitch (Mathilda's Book of Shadows #1)(59)

“Don’t be such a Mom,” Su teased as she walked casually to the cottage.

“Don’t be stupid!” Josie napped, coming toward us.

“Listen!” I walked back to the car. “Lucy could be right. The woman is two hundred and three years old!”

“Wait,” Lucy said, looking around the glade, “I’m changing my mind.”

Great.

“So, call the police,” Josie suggested logically.

“I can’t!” (Me, not logically)

“Why not?” (Josie)

“Because she’s a two hundred and three year old witch! Just… calm down, get in the car. We’ll be out before you know it.” (Me)

“I don’t like this.” (Josie)

“Oh, pipe down, Mom Unit. She’s The Chosen One, for goddess’s sake. Give her a little credit.” (Su, as ever, the diplomat.)

We went in, careful, quiet, stealthy.

It was a cottage from a movie. I swear to the goddess, if a hobbit bobbed out of the kitchen smoking a thin pipe, it wouldn’t have surprised me.

“This place is cool beans, man, I want to live in a place like this when I grow up.”

I could see Su dinging around in a crumbling, flower-covered cottage, smoking pot and making brownies with her male harem.

We checked the downstairs and it was deserted.

There was a rickety, wooden staircase against the front inside of the house that led to the upstairs and Su and I stood at the base of it, staring up.

“You go first.” (Su)

“Why do I have to go first? You go first.” (Me)

“You’re The Chosen One.” (Su)

“Yes, so if something’s up there, you can act as my human shield.” (Me)

“Nice.” (Su)

“Kidding.” (Me)

“No you weren’t.” (Su)

“Yes I was.” (Me)

“No –” (Su)

“Sh!” (Me)

We both stared up the stairs.

“Okay, I’ll go first. Wand ready?” (Me, looking to my sister)

Su nodded.

Up I went, stair by creaky-ass stair.

I don’t know why I went so slowly, the stairs were so damn loud if there was anyone up there they could hear me coming, no sweat.

What we saw at the top was what we’d feared.

Old lady down.

“Shit.” (Su)

She was sprawled on the floor, all two hundred pounds of her, just one foot on the bed.

I felt for a pulse but then realized I didn’t know how to feel for a pulse.

Su pushed me out of the way and felt for one then she leaned down and put her ear to the old lady’s mouth.

“Pulse is strong and she’s breathing okay,” she declared.

Su lifted up one of her eyelids.

“Euw,” I said.

Then the old lady burped.

Not a pleasant sound.

And an even worse smell.

“She’s drunk,” Su said, getting out of her crouch position.

Blam! Blam! Blam!

Ack!

Gunshots – right through the window.

Ack!

Su and I dove for cover.

“Crap, crap, crap,” said Su.

“Josie and Lucy are out there!” I said.

“Crap, crap, crap,” repeated Su.

“Who’s shooting at us?” I asked.

“I don’t know! How should I know?” Su shouted.

Okay, calm down, Matty, calm down.

What would Ash do?

Not a good question as Ash wouldn’t be there in the first place.

“Su…” I hesitated, still thinking.

“Uh… yeah, I’m here. Where’m I gonna go?”

“You, me, protection spell.” I was making those jerky hand motions the Navy Seals do in the movies, like I was guiding a plane in for landing. Soon I was going to be using words like “click” and “vector”. “We grab the old woman and we hightail it to the car.”

Su stared at me like I’d grown another head.

Then she stated, “Okay, sorry to tell you this, Miss Prodigy, but magic deflecting bullets, not… gonna… happen.”

“Yes, but how about an invisibility glamour?” I asked.

“How about, we leave the bitty behind, get our asses to the Mini and get the f**k out of here?” Su shot back.

“They might be after her.”

“Why?”

“She’s an oracle. She can tell the future, the gods talk to her, why else? Do we want the bad guys to have her? I don’t think so!”

* * * * *

Okay, so, Su + me x Scary Situation = Disaster.

* * * * *

“This is what we do,” I declared, “get Althea down the stairs. I’ll go to the window and throw some magic out there to freak them out while you conjure an invisibility glamour and we can hope and pray that Josie and Lucy are okay.” And not dead, lying in pools of their own blood, victims of my stupidity.

“I still don’t see why we can’t leave the old bitty behind,” Su bitched.

“We need to take her.”

“Why?” she asked.

“Let’s just call it intuition.”

Su grumbled, I grabbed Althea under her armpits and, giving in, Su grabbed her feet.