Married By Morning (The Hathaways #4)(21)

He shook his head. “No. And when it goes, you’re worse off than before. You can’t take pleasure in anything. The people you love don’t matter. All you can think of is the opium smoke and when you can have it again.”

Catherine stared at his partially averted profile. It hardly seemed possible that this was the same man she had scorned and disdained for the past year. Nothing had ever seemed to matter to him—he had seemed utterly shallow and self-indulgent. When in truth, things had mattered far too much. “What made you stop?” she asked gently.

“I reached the point at which the thought of going on was too damned exhausting. I had a pistol in my hand. It was Cam who stopped me. He told me the Rom believe that if you grieve too much, you turn the spirit of the deceased into a ghost. I had to let Laura go, he said. For her sake.” Leo looked at her then, his eyes a riveting blue. “And I did. I have. I swore to leave off the opium, and since then I’ve never touched the filthy stuff. Sweet Christ, Cat, you don’t know how hard it was. It took everything I had to turn away. If I went back to it even once … I might find myself in the bottom of a pit I could never climb out of. I can’t take that chance. I won’t.”

“Leo…” She saw him blink in surprise. It was the first time she had ever used his name. “Take the laudanum,” she said. “I won’t let you fall. I won’t let you turn into a degenerate.”

His mouth twisted. “You’re offering to take me on as your responsibility.”

“Yes.”

“I’m too much for you to manage.”

“No,” Catherine said decisively, “you’re not.”

He let out a mirthless laugh, followed by a long, curious stare. As if she were someone he ought to know but couldn’t quite place.

Catherine could hardly believe that she was perched on the edge of his bed, holding the hand of a man she had battled so fiercely and for so long. She had never imagined that he would willingly make himself vulnerable to her.

“Trust me,” she urged.

“Give me one good reason.”

“Because you can.”

Leo shook his head slightly, holding her gaze. At first she thought he was refusing her. But it turned out that he was shaking his head in rueful wonder at his own actions. He gestured for the small glass of liquid on the bedside table. “Give it to me,” he muttered, “before I have a chance to think better of it.” She handed the glass to him, and he downed it in a few efficient gulps. A shudder of revulsion swept through him as he gave the empty glass back to her.

They both waited for the medicine to take effect.

“Your hands…” Leo said, reaching for her bandaged fingers. The tip of his thumb brushed gently over the surface of her nails.

“It’s nothing,” she whispered. “Just a few scrapes.”

The blue eyes turned hazy and unfocused, and he closed them. The pained grooves of his face began to relax. “Have I thanked you yet,” he asked, “for hauling me out of the ruins?”

“No thanks are necessary.”

“All the same … thank you.” Lifting one of her hands, he cradled her palm against his cheek while his eyes remained closed. “My guardian angel,” he said, the words beginning to slur. “I don’t think I ever had one until now.”

“If you did,” she said, “you probably ran too fast for her to keep up with you.”

He made a quiet sound of amusement.

The feel of his shaven cheek beneath her hand filled her with astonishing tenderness. She had to remind herself that the opium was exerting its influence on him. This feeling between them wasn’t real. But it seemed as if something new were emerging from the wreckage of their former conflict. A thrill of intimacy went through her as she felt the ripple of his swallow in the space beneath his jaw.

They stayed like that until a noise from the doorway caused Catherine to start.

Cam entered the room, glanced at the empty glass, and gave Catherine an approving nod. “Well done,” he said. “This will make it easer on Ramsay. And more importantly, on me.”

“Bugger you,” Leo replied mildly, slitting his eyes open as Cam and Merripen went to the bedside. Amelia followed with an armload of clean rags and toweling. Reluctantly, Catherine pulled away from Leo and retreated to the doorway.

Cam looked down at his brother-in-law with a mixture of concern and affection. The abundant sunlight from the window slid over the shiny black layers of his hair. “I can take care of this, phral. But we could send for a gadjo doctor if you prefer.”

“God, no. Anything he did would be far worse than your blundering. And he’d start with his damned jar of leeches.”

“No leeches here,” Cam replied as he eased the pillows from behind Leo’s back. “I’m terrified of them.”

“Are you?” Amelia asked. “I didn’t know that.”

Cam helped Leo to lower to the mattress. “When I was a boy still living with the tribe, I went wading in a spring-fed pond with a few of the other children. We all came out with leeches attached to our legs. I would say I screamed like a girl, except the girls were much quieter.”

“Poor Cam,” Amelia said, smiling.

“Poor Cam?” Leo echoed, sounding indignant. “What about me?”