Marked (House of Night #1)(61)

"You're well, aren't you?" Worry was thick in her voice. "Is your head okay?"

"Yeah, it's nothing like that. It's--" I stopped. I wanted to tell her; I wanted to tell her so bad I could explode, but I didn't know how. And I was afraid--afraid she wouldn't love me anymore. I mean, Mom had quit loving me, hadn't she? Or, at the very least, Mom had traded me in for a new husband, which in some ways was worse than quitting loving me. What would I do if Grandma walked away from me, too?

"Zoeybird, you know you can tell me anything," she said gently.

"It's hard, Grandma." I bit my lip to keep from crying.

"Then let me make it easier. There is nothing you could say that would make me stop loving you. I'm your Grandma today, tomorrow, and next year. I'll be your Grandma even after I join our ancestors in the spirit world, and from there I'll still love you, Little Bird."

"I drank blood and I liked it!" I blurted. Without any hesitation, Grandma said, "Well, honey, isn't that what vampyres do?"

"Yeah, but I'm not a vampyre. I'm just a few-days-old fledgling."

"You're special, Zoey. You always have been. Why should that change now?"

"I don't feel special. I feel like a freak."

"Then remember something. You're still you. Doesn't matter that you've been Marked. Doesn't matter that you're going through the Change. Inside, your spirit is still your spirit. On the outside you might look like a familiar stranger, but you need only look inside to find the you you've known for sixteen years."

"The familiar stranger...," I whispered. "How did you know?"

"You're my girl, Honey. You're daughter of my spirit. It's not hard to understand what you must be feeling--it's very much like what I imagine I'd be feeling."

"Thank you, Grandma."

"You are welcome, U-we-tsi a-ge-hu-tsa."

I smiled, loving how the Cherokee word for daughter sounded--so magical and special, like it was a Goddess-given title. Goddess-given...

"Grandma, there's something else."

"Tell me, Little Bird."

"I think I feel the five elements when a circle is cast."

"If that is the truth, you have been given great power, Zoey. And you know that with great power comes great responsibility. Our family has a rich history of Tribal Elders, Medicine Men, and Wise Women. Have a care, Little Bird, to think before you act. The Goddess would not have granted you special powers on a whim. Use them carefully, and make Nyx, as well as your ancestors, look down and smile on you."

"I'll try my best, Grandma."

"That's all I would ever ask of you, Zoeybird."

"There's a girl here who also has special powers, too, but she's awful. She's a bully and she lies. Grandma, I think...I think..." I took a deep breath and said what had been brewing in my mind all morning. "I think I'm stronger than she is and I think that maybe Nyx Marked me so that I can get her out of the position she's in. But--but that would mean that I have to take her place, and I don't know if I'm ready for that, not now. Maybe not ever."

"Follow what your spirit tells you, Zoeybird." She hesitated, then said, "Honey, do you remember the purification prayer of our people?"

I thought about it. I couldn't count the times I'd gone with her to the little stream behind Grandma's house and watched her bathe ritualistically in the running water and speak the purification prayer. Sometimes I stepped into the stream with her and said the prayer, too. The prayer had been entwined throughout my childhood, spoken at the change of seasons, in thanks for the lavender harvest, or in preparation for the coming winter, as well as whenever Grandma was faced with hard decisions. Sometimes I didn't know why she purified herself and spoke the prayer. It simply had always been.

"Yes," I said. "I remember it."

"Is there running water inside the school grounds?"

"I don't know, Grandma."

"Well, if there isn't then get something to use as a smudge stick. Sage and lavender mixed together are best, but you can even use fresh pine if you have no other choice. Do you know what to do, Zoeybird?"

"Smudge myself, starting at my feet and working my way up my body, front and back," I recited, as if I was a small child again and Grandma was drilling me in the ways of our people. "And then face the east and speak the purification prayer."

"Good, you do remember. Ask for the Goddess's help, Zoey. I believe that she will hear you. Can you do this before sunrise tomorrow?"

"I think so."

"I will perform the prayer, too, and add a grandmother's voice to ask the Goddess to guide you."

And suddenly I felt better. Grandma was never wrong about these sorts of things. If she believed it would be okay, then it really would be okay.

"I'll speak the purification prayer before dawn. I promise."

"Good, Little Bird. Now this old woman had better let you go. You are in the middle of a school day right now, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I'm on my way to Drama class. And, Grandma, you'll never be old."

"Not as long as I can hear your young voice, Little Bird. I love you, U-we-tsi a- ge-hu-tsa."