Make Me (Broke and Beautiful #3)(42)

Still, he made no attempt to hold her back. Tremors began to move through him, shaking them both where they stood in the churning water.

Abby buried her face in his neck. “Say something. You’re scaring me.”

“I’m scaring you.” The words were toneless, but she could feel his pulse thundering against her lips. “You were under the water.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

Russell’s entire body heaved a shuddering breath, then two powerful arms were crushing her against his chest. It didn’t matter that she couldn’t inhale; at least he’d come back to her from wherever he’d gone. “You keep doing this to me.” His whisper was furious in her hair. “Keep almost taking yourself away. What would I have done, Abby? What?”

Another shudder passed through Russell, and it sent realization coursing through Abby. An understanding that this man had made mistakes, maybe he would make even more, but his feelings for her were real. As real as hers for him. There was no room for a barrier between them at that moment, and she needed to take advantage. Find out why Russell would charge into an ocean for her but didn’t want a serious relationship. For crying out loud, from where she was standing, their relationship was more serious than most marriages she’d encountered among her parents and their friends.

“You don’t call anyone else angel.” She leaned back to meet his gaze. “I thought all the way back to our first hang out. Not a waitress, not my roommates. No one. You only call me that.”

She’d caught him at a weak moment, when he was still coming down off the imagined tragedy. It was evident in the way his eyes closed, his head tipped forward to rest against hers. “Yeah. I know.”

“Why would you tell me otherwise?” She swallowed what felt like a handful of pebbles. “Do you want to push me away?”

“You think there’s an easy answer to that?” The question burst out of him with the force of a gale wind, warming her face. “Yes and no. There’s your answer.”

“Why yes?”

Russell didn’t speak for a long stretch, just continuing to hold her so tightly, as if she might try and escape. They breathed together, bodies moving as one in a way that felt natural. How it was supposed to be. Abby didn’t realize she’d closed her eyes until Russell finally spoke, forcing them open. “Look at me, angel.” She leaned back and did as he asked, gulping in the face of such intensity. “Look at how f*cked-up I am. You can’t even go for a walk without my being convinced the world is going to swallow you up. It’s not normal.”

Abby tried to interject—with what, she wasn’t sure—but he cut her off.

“There’s a reason.” His muscles tensed against her. “It’s not good enough. Nothing excuses the way I act when it comes to you. Remember that, okay?” He sucked in a breath. “I lost someone. My mother. She . . . died. It was a long time ago, but I remember what it felt like. It could have been prevented if we’d just found a way to make her feel better. And it’s not right, Abby, it’s not right, but I have to make sure I don’t feel that way ever again. You’re the only one who could make me. The only one.”

The taste of salt invaded Abby’s mouth, a mixture of tears and the surrounding ocean. Russell’s pain harpooned past her ribs and struck deep. She hadn’t been the only one keeping a secret, and it killed her. Killed her knowing he’d been harboring it on his own. She wanted to ask how his mother died, but the hurt radiating from him was already so profound, she couldn’t find the words. Instead, she clung to him like her life depended on it, laying kisses on his collarbone and neck, whispering comfort that only made sense to them.

“There’s more, Abby. She—my mother—would still be around if . . . if maybe she’d had a hero. I don’t know . . .”

Russell trailed off, and Abby waited, but he didn’t finish his thought. She didn’t want him to. She could practically feel the wounds gaping on his flesh where it pressed against her. He’d opened up enough for one night. The need to heal and distract rising within her was so powerful, it was almost visible in the air surrounding them.

She had the ability to make him forget his pain tonight. Always, if he’d let her. Hadn’t every secret shared, every touch exchanged, been leading to this moment? Heat tickled her belly, thinking of how Russell had been in the guest room, how in control he’d been . . . and all the while, just a hint out of control. Craving the experience again, needing to soothe the memories they’d dug up, Abby didn’t second-guess herself as she trailed her tongue up the side of Russell’s neck, breathing against his ear.

“Now tell me why you don’t want to push me away.”





Chapter 14



RUSSELL SLIPPED A hand down Abby’s back, over her slick bathing suit. He wanted to peel off the tight nylon and see his girl naked in the moonlight, feel her bare ass in his grip, but he forced his hand into a fist at the base of her spine. And breathed. Which was a mistake because she smelled like white grapes with a hint of tequila. Naughty and nice, wrapped around his body, ready to give him everything.

She was giving him an out, this sweet, beautiful girl he loved. He really shouldn’t take it. Should come clean about everything. His insecurity over her money, his failed attempts to close that financial gap, his plan to try one final time. The reality of his family life . . . how that family had broken apart. Hell, he’d already chipped away at the dam, telling her something he hadn’t even told his friends. It had felt good. Right. Would he feel better for spilling everything?